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' ' ' ' ' ' ' • • • • E p ss ' ' ' ' ' ' ' • Julie Horan has just published Have you read "Beowulf" lately? Nei"The Porcelain God: A Social H...

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• Julie Horan has just published Have you read "Beowulf" lately? Nei"The Porcelain God: A Social Hishave ther have I, but for those who tory of the Toilet" (Robson). In it an abiding passion for this mediaeval you will discover that the English classic some news of interest. An king, Edmund Ironside (1016) was English scholar believes that he has killed while sitting by being uncovered the author (Globe and stabbed by a swordsman concealed Mail Oct 2, 1996). In lines 887 and in the cesspit beneath. Pity for him 888 of the poem the name Stan that Edmund hadn't been yclept Aethel appears. You twigged at once "lronbottom." didn't you? This is clearly an anagram • Phil Hall is at it again, bless him . of the name of Alfred the Great's P.J. Taylor, MD, FRCSC, Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, He sent me a flier from Manitoba chaplain, Aethelstan, who either was University of British Columbia. Agriculture advertising the posia rather dim cryptographer or dare tion of "Manure Management Speone suggest, mildly dyslexic. cialist." The job carries a salary of over $50,000. Now you don't have to be a cryptographer to be The ad. remarks that the employers are involved in obfuscatory. A "Cecil and Ida Green Lecture" will affirmative action and would really like to hear be delivered at UBC. The title? "Democratization; from anyone other than white, healthy males. Questions for the year 2000." I have a question for When UBC ran a similar ad. for a senior academic 1997. What the blazes is "democratization"? position it provoked a furore with all the veheIt is possible the author of this weird word (democmence of hurricane "Hermaphrodite" (That old ratization) attended Ursula Franklin Academy. One deity was both male and female so do not accuse me of that institute's grade 10 students, describing "Why of being "gender specific" in naming strong winds). I go to school" (Globe and Mail Sept 19, 1996) Nobody seemed to mind in Manitoba. wrote, "So that I can, hopefully, change the erred • Don't waste your time interrupting the vasa defferways of the human race." The correct answer for that entia of Koala bears (Globe and Mail Oct 2, 1996). individual should have been "So that I can, it is to Miss just one of the little devils in a group of these be hoped, change the errors in my use of the English wildly promiscuous marsupials and he will happily language." Never mind, the kid will have a great impregnate all of the available females. Maybe that's future in the Georgestown U. English Department. "democratization" is. what Green Ida and "Cecil the deliver even He might • Poltergeists, it seems, (Globe and Mail Nov 26, Lecture." Of course by the time he's old enough, the 1996) have been known to torture their victims by political climate might have changed and his title infesting them with phantom flatulence. Perhaps will be, "Oligarchyization. Questions for the next few poor old King Ironside might have survived if he years whose numbers exceed my total of fingers and had been so afflicted. I can't help wonder if his toes so I can't count them accurately." assassin needed the help of a Manure Management By this time I expect to have lost half my readership. Specialist. Probably not. All the good jobs back in Typical, they must be thinking, he's always rabbit1016 went to white males. How do I know? The ring on about arcane middle English poets or EngCecil and Ida Green Lecture delivered by His lish usage. Clearly it is time to lower the tone of the Majesty's assassin, "Dekingization: Questions for column. The Breckenridge Brewery advertises its the eleventh century" was reported by Aethelstan, product as "Beer so good you won't even want to or, if you prefer, Stan Aethel. pee" (Globe and Mail Sept 19, 1996). According to the manger of Breckenridge, "Sales have gone through the roof." Exploding bladders?