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Relationship goals of middle-aged, young-old, and old-old internet daters: An analysis of online personal ads
Journal of Aging Studies 27 (2013) 159–165
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Journal of Aging Studies journal homepage: www.elsevier.com/locate/jaging
Relationship goals of middle-aged, young-old, and old-old internet daters: An analysis of online personal ads Sheyna S.R. Alterovitz a,⁎, Gerald A. Mendelsohn b, 1 a b
University of California, Berkeley, 630 Bayberry Drive, Chapel Hill, NC, 27517, United States University of California, Berkeley, 3210 Tolman Hall, Berkeley, CA 94720, United States
a r t i c l e
i n f o
Article history: Received 7 June 2012 Received in revised form 5 December 2012 Accepted 28 December 2012 Keywords: Interpersonal relationships Social networks Qualitative research methods Aging Romantic relationships
a b s t r a c t Purpose of the study: Research on courtship patterns and romantic relationship in later life has not kept pace with the burgeoning number of older adults interested in dating. Design and methods: We conducted content analyses of themes arising from 450 personal ads written by middle-aged (40–54), young-old (60–74), and old-old (75 +) participants. Results: Significant differences between the young-old and the middle-aged were few; those between the young-old and old-old were numerous. Compared to the old-old, the young-old and middle-aged were more likely to mention adventure, romance, sexual interests, and seeking a soul mate and less likely to mention health. Implications: This study increases our understanding of relationship goals in later life and highlights the error of treating all older adults as a homogeneous group. Practice and policy can benefit from more nuanced distinctions between age groups and an enhanced recognition of the vibrant emotional, romantic, and sexual lives of older adults. © 2013 Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Introduction At all ages, close supportive relationships are associated with positive physical, social, and psychological outcomes including increased life satisfaction (Li & Liang, 2007). Unfortunately, many older adults experience a shrinking of their social networks as events such as retirement decrease opportunities to form new relationships, and old relationships are ended by the death of friends and family (De Vries, 1996). Despite the threats of increased isolation and decreased mobility common in later life, many older adults actively continue to form meaningful friendships (Troll, 1994) and, increasingly, romantic relationships (Cooney & Dunne, 2001; De Jong Gierveld, 2004). As social mores change and the cohort of Boomers ages, it is becoming ever more common for older adults to be
⁎ Corresponding author. Tel.: +1 919 967 3137. E-mail addresses: [email protected] (S.S.R. Alterovitz), [email protected] (G.A. Mendelsohn). 1 Tel.: +1 510 642 5292. 0890-4065/$ – see front matter © 2013 Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.jaging.2012.12.006
interested and involved in dating. In fact, Carr (2004) reported that by 18 months after the death of a spouse, 37% of widows and 15% of widowers over the age of 65 were interested in dating. Furthermore, studies of the sexual lives of older adults have demonstrated a broad range of sexual interests and activities in later life (see Zeiss & Kasl-Godley, 2001 for a review). As one 67 year-old man in our sample explained, “Just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there's no fire in the furnace.” It is not until age 75 that the majority of older adults report low sexual desire (DeLamater & Sill, 2005). Despite the extensive literature on the importance of social support networks, the growing research on friendships in later life, and the well-developed body of work on widowhood and bereavement, research on courtship patterns and romantic relationships in later life has not kept pace with the burgeoning number of older adults interested in dating. It is known that older adults can benefit from dating relationships by gaining a confidante and an outlet for self-disclosure, achieving higher status among their peers, and experiencing decreased loneliness and depression (Bulcroft & O'Connor, 1986; Carr, 2004).
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Past research on romantic relationships in later life has mostly focused on relationship formation, rather than on relationship goals. For example, there is a fair amount of literature on who is likely to form relationships in later life. Widowed women who have had a single long-term relationship rather than multiple relationships are less likely to be interested in remarriage, as are women who described their prior marriage as either perfect or poor (Talbott, 1998). Overall, men, in later life, are more likely than women to be interested in repartnering (Davidson, 2001). Interest in repartnering is also more common among people with better health and mobility (Bulcroft & Bulcroft, 1991). Other research in relationship formation has identified a number of physical, social, and psychological barriers to repartnering (for a review see McElhaney, 1992). For example, societal stereotypes trivializing or frowning on sexuality in later life might discourage older people from seeking romantic relationships. Similarly, feelings of decreased attractiveness can dampen interest in dating. This is especially true for women since the cultural belief that attractiveness diminishes with age impacts women earlier and more strongly than men (Carpenter, Nathanson, & Kim, 2006). In addition to facing society's general discomfort with late life romance, older adults are often confronted with adult children's reticence to accept their parents as romantic or sexual beings. Adult children can create obstacles to repartnering by expressing hostility to the notion that a parent might “find a replacement” for a deceased or divorced spouse (Talbott, 1998). Some older adults find ways to cope with the negative messages about aging — for example, by employing self-deprecating humor in personal ads (Jonson & Siverskog, 2012). Undoubtedly, however, others internalize the ageist messages and are dissuaded from pursuing new relationships. There are also non-normative barriers to dating including feelings of selfishness and guilt among widows and widowers (Bulcroft & O'Connor, 1986; Talbott, 1998) and finding a balance between the desire for companionship and the dread of becoming a caregiver may not be easy (Carr, 2004). The prospect of dating can also create various other concerns, from fears of being taken advantage of financially to uncertainties about how to interact with a new romantic partner (Watson, Bell, & Stelle, 2010). Despite a number of valuable contributions to the dating literature such as those cited above, the goals and salient themes of relationship formation in later life remain largely unexplored, and much of the existing research has been limited by a reliance on small, primarily female samples in interview studies that depend on self-reports of sensitive, potentially embarrassing material. With the graying of America and increased longevity, it is becoming more important than ever to identify life transitions in the later years and to recognize the heterogeneity among older adults. The differences between the young-old (age 60–74) and the old-old (age 75+) can be far-reaching and range across physical, cognitive, and psychosocial domains. For example, compared to the young-old, the old-old are more likely to suffer chronic illnesses and less likely to adopt healthy behaviors (Zanjani, Schaie, & Willis, 2006). The old-old also experience different clinical features of depression than the young-old (Mehta et al., 2008) and are more likely to express death-anxiety (Mullins & Lopez, 1982). Where there are physical and
psychological differences, it cannot be a surprise that there are social differences as well. In fact, Hansson (1986) found that satisfaction with social relationships is positively associated with morale and self-esteem for the young-old but not the old-old. The old-old are also more likely than the young-old to experience and be troubled by the loss of the support of friends (Matt & Dean, 1993). Unfortunately, because it has been difficult to obtain large samples of old-old participants, studies on romantic relationships have tended to treat all older adults as a single group, thus failing to distinguish between the young-old and the old-old (e.g., Coupland, 2000; De Sousa Campos, Otta, & de Oliveira Siqueira, 2002). The advent of Internet dating sites and the growing utilization of online personal ads by older adults has provided an unprecedented opportunity to study large samples of older men and women from across the nation and to compare the middle-aged, young-old, and old-old. Increasingly, older adults are turning to email, chat rooms, and online personal ads to help combat social isolation and expand their social networks (Fox, 2004; Wright & Query, 2000). By taking advantage of this rich, naturalistic data source, we can acquire much needed, ecologically valid information about the romantic relationships of older adults. In the present study, we analyzed data from profiles posted on an online dating service by 450 heterosexual participants drawn equally from three age groups: middle-aged (40–54 yrs), young-old (60–74 yrs), and old-old (75+). In previous work, we examined the partner preferences of older adults from an evolutionary perspective and found that many predictions derived from evolutionary theory (e.g., greater selectivity by women) held across the life span, even for users who were at an age when reproduction was no longer a concern (Sears-Roberts Alterovitz & Mendelsohn, 2009). However, the dating goals and motivations of the middle-aged, young-old, and old-old personal ad writers remain unknown, and, to our knowledge, this is the first study to use the online personal ads of older adults as a means to explore the salient themes of romantic relationships in later life. Online profiles contain both responses to fixed categories and a free response section. Given the richness and diversity of the written responses in the personal ads and how little is known about courtship patterns among older adults, we were uncertain of what themes the personal ads would contain. We identified six themes relevant to understanding the relationship goals and motivations of the ad writers: (1) expressing loneliness, (2) seeking adventure or exploration, (3) searching for a “soul mate,” (4) desiring romantic activities, (5) expressing sexual interests, and (6) mentioning health. We then investigated whether there were age and gender differences in the expression of these six themes in the free responses of the participants. Methods Materials All personal ads in this study were downloaded from Yahoo! Personals which received about 6 million visitors each month (Perils, 2006). There was no charge for posting a personal ad on Yahoo!Personals; to respond to an ad, one could register for a free weeklong trial or become a member for a monthly fee. In order to post an ad, ad writers completed an online form
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including a section titled “In My Own Words” in which the ad writers typed a maximum of 1400 words about anything they chose; most often they described both themselves and their desired partner. Participants We collected 450 personal ads by random quota sampling without replacement to obtain ads from 75 heterosexual males (“men seeking women”) and 75 heterosexual females (“women seeking men”) in each of three age groups (middle-aged, young-old, and old-old). The 150 participants in each age group are composed of 25 males and 25 females from each of three geographic areas: Seattle, WA; Pittsburgh, PA; and Austin, TX. Thus, half of the participants are males; half are females; one-third is in each age group; and one-third are in each geographic area. The three age groups were middle-aged (age 40–54), young-old (age 60–74), and old-old (age 75 +). The age groups are consistent with US census bureau age divisions as well as with previous research on physical and cognitive aspects of aging (e.g., Abrams, Trunk, & Merrill, 2007; McCrae et al., 2008). Additionally, the age brackets serve to mark successive periods of adult life, permitting an exploration of transition points in the lifespan, e.g., are the young-old more similar to the middle-aged or to the old-old? To address concerns raised by Deaux and Hanna (1984) that there might be regional differences in personal ads, we sampled from three geographic areas across the U.S. One-third of the ads were collected from a 200 mile radius surrounding Austin, Texas; one-third from the 200 mile radius surrounding Seattle, Washington; and one-third from the 200 mile radius surrounding Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. These regions cover urban, suburban, and rural areas, and the cities were chosen because the populations are dissimilar from each other in terms of race, economic status, and percentage of people over age 65. To collect the data, we first searched Yahoo!Personals for all ads in each gender–age–location category, e.g., women age 40– 54 living within 200 miles of Seattle. Second, we downloaded 25 ads randomly selected from the results of each search. Yahoo! Personals returned at most 1000 results per search. Therefore, the maximum possible sample frame for each gender–age– location category was 1000, and the maximum possible sample frame for each age group was 6000. The number of ads returned by the search engine reflects the fact that using online personal ads is far more common among the middle-aged than among the young-old or old-old. The 150 ads from middle-aged participants were randomly selected from 6000 ads (the maximum possible sample frame). The 150 ads from the young-old were randomly selected from 3491 ads, and the 150 ads from the old-old were randomly selected from 781 ads. In our sample, the middle-aged group was composed of participants of mean age 46.2 (SD = 4.16 yrs). The young-old group had a mean age of 63.6 (SD = 3.49 yrs), and the mean age for the old-old group was 77.7 (SD = 2.95 yrs). The mean age in each bracket was essentially the same for men and women. As expected, older participants were more likely to be widowed and less likely to be divorced than younger participants. Whereas, 70% of the old-old were widowed,
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only 32.7% of the young-old and 4% of the middle-aged were widowed. On the other hand, only 25.3% of the old-old were divorced, while 54.7% of the young-old and 66% of the middle aged were. Naturally, employment status also differed by age group with 2.7% of the middle-aged, 39.3% of the young-old, and 76.7% of the old-old being retired. Not surprisingly, this sample of Internet-users is better educated than the general population, with 35.6% having a college degree. Overall, 87.6% of participants self-identified as white, 2.9% as black, 2.4% as Hispanic, 4.5% as other ethnicities, and 2.6% did not specify an ethnicity. Table 1 shows the demographic data by age group. Coding procedure We conducted content analysis of the written portions of the ads in keeping with the qualitative method of Strauss and Corbin (1998). A subset of personal ads was analyzed to identify salient themes, a code sheet was developed based on those themes, and coders were trained on the code sheet using sample advertisements. Note that the coding was two-category, present/absent, i.e., the theme was or was not mentioned in the text. Throughout the process, coders were blind to the ad writers' age, gender, and other demographic information unless such information was explicitly given by the ad writer in the written portion of the profile. The primary coder was a 22 year-old female. To determine inter-rater reliability, a subset of 120 ads (20% of the sample) was coded by a second rater, a 53 year-old female. Ratings were based only on the manifest content of the personal ads, and, to the extent possible, personal reactions or inferences were excluded from the rating process. Inter-rater reliabilities (kappas) and examples of the content within each category are provided below. Discrepancies between coders were identified and resolved by discussion. Dependent variables Loneliness Kappa = .777. We coded whether the ad writer expressed loneliness e.g., “all alone and lonesome, want companion” (male, 82)“Kind and kinda lonely too” (female, 67)“Well, if you are out there lets [sic] get together soon, as I am tired of talking to myself…” (male, 65)“I am a lonely lady who would like a little company to go places” (female, 85). Adventure/exploration Kappa= .733. We coded whether the ad writer mentioned seeking adventure or longing to explore life, e.g., “Today really is the first day of the rest of my life…living, learning and wondering what the next day, week and year will bring is very exciting to me.” (female, 61)“One who looks forward to having one's horizons extended! There is always room to explore that unbeaten path with another adventuresome/risk-taker soul!” (female, 60)“looking for a long term intimate friendship to explore new and exciting avenues.” (male, 49)“I am developing new interests and directions in my life, after all isn't life all about change and
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excitement, trying new things?” (female, 50)“I'm looking for someone to be my relationship partner, share all of these things, and to go exploring…” (male, 42). Soul mate Kappa= .848. We coded whether the ad writer mentioned seeking one special person, a “soul mate,” “Mr. Right,” etc. in the written response section. e.g., “searching for the 1” (female, 40)“looking for that special someone” (female, 69)“Searching for my Roxanne… searching for my soulmate” (male, 64)“One is not a multiplier…I am looking for a soulmate that will and can contribute to a long term relationship” (male, 70). Romantic activities Kappa = .787. We coded for whether the participants described themselves or their potential match as romantic or expressed an interest in romantic activities such as snuggling, hand-holding, wine by the fireplace, e.g., “I would like to find a nice friendly, romantic lady” (male, 75)“I love soaking in hot tubs, with candles lit and romantic settings” (male, 41)“I like to take walks (not alone) holding some ones [sic] hand....I like to cuddle and watch movies” (female, 69)“He must be very romantic and like to hold hands” (female, 60)“I like to go for walks holding hands on the beach, watching a sunset, cuddle, long hugs and romantic dinners” (female, 60).
Table 1 Demographics by age group of sample of online personal ad writers.
Gender Geographic area
Race/ethnicity
Marital status
Maximum education level
Employment status
Male Female 200 miles of Austin, TX 200 miles of Seattle, WA 200 miles of Pittsburgh, PA Asian Black Hispanic White Other No answer Widowed Divorced Separated Single No answer High school College Post graduate No answer Part-time Full-time Homemaker Retired Other No answer
Age 40–54 (n = 150)
Age 60–74 (n = 150)
Age 75+ (n = 150)
50.0% 50.0% 33.3%
50.0% 50.0% 33.3%
50.0% 50.0% 33.3%
33.3%
33.3%
33.3%
33.3%
33.3%
33.3%
0.7% 5.3% 4.0% 82.0% 7.3% 0.7% 4.0% 66.0% 8.7% 16.7% 4.7% 10.0% 68.6% 15.3% 6.0% 1.3% 72.0% 1.3% 2.7% 16.7% 6.0%
0.0% 2.0% 2.7% 89.3% 4.0% 2.0% 32.7% 54.7% 4.0% 2.0% 6.7% 19.4% 60.0% 17.3% 3.3% 10.7% 26.0% 0.7% 39.3% 17.3% 6.0%
0.0% 1.3% 0.7% 91.3% 1.3% 5.4% 70.0% 25.3% 2.7% 0.0% 2.0% 26.0% 52.0% 14.0% 8.0% 2.7% 2.0% 3.3% 76.7% 10.6% 4.7%
Sexual activities Kappa = .889. We coded whether the ad writers expressed an interest in sexual activities, e.g., by describing themselves or their desired match as sensuous, sexy, passionate, etc. “Sexy Latina” (female, 53)“sexy brunette seeks dark & mysterious” (female, 40)“Must be Sexually compatible, I love to kiss, so that is a big thing, ever hear the song, (It's in his kiss?).” (female, 43)“At this point in my life, I would like Someone who is Compatable [sic] and who is very Sexual.” (male, 66)“I am looking for women who would like to have a stimulating and hot relationship. I would like to satisfy all your needs in any way you desire, as a good mental relationship is as important to me as a good sexual relationship.” (male, 60).
Health Kappa= .889. Since our primary concern was to determine the age at which health becomes salient, we coded as present any mention of health, positive or negative (rare), in self or match (also rare). Typical responses were “in excellent health” (male, 79)“I am a ww2 veteran in good health except occasional aches and pains, some hearing loss in right ear soon to be corrected by VA” (male, 82)“I am in good shape and it is important to me” (female, 40)“They say I make quite a Fashion Statement with the Cane…a bit like Fred Astaire!” (female, 42)“I'm vibrant and healthy” (male, 61).
Results To analyze the data, we performed a series of chi-square tests comparing first, the middle-aged to the young-old, second, the young-old to the old-old, and third, the old-old to the middle-aged. At each age level, we made comparisons between male and female participants. Because there were a number of cells with unacceptably low expected cell frequencies, we did not perform overall gender by age group chi-square tests. To protect against the risk of type one error, we set the significance level for all statistical tests at pb .01. The results are presented in Fig. 1, which shows the percent of participants in the three age groups mentioning each of the themes. For each of the analyses, the pattern of age differences was characteristic of both men and women. We report only those chi-square tests (all with df = 1 and n = 300) that produced significant results (p b .01).
Loneliness Only 5.3% of the middle-aged mentioned loneliness. The proportion was substantially higher in the older groups; 14.7% of both the young-old and of the old-old expressed loneliness in the written responses. The difference between the middle-aged and the young-old was significant (chi square=7.25) as was the difference between the middle-aged and the old-old (chi square=7.25).
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Fig. 1. Percent of participants mentioning a theme as a function of age. * denotes a significant difference (p b 0.01) compared to Age 40–54. + denotes a significant difference (p b 0.01) compared to age 60–74.
Adventure/exploration 32.0% of middle-aged, 26.6% of young-old, and 14.0% of old-old mentioned seeking adventure in the written responses. There were significant differences between the old-old and the young-old (chi square= 7.42) and between the old-old and the middle-aged (chi-square = 13.72). Soul mate In the written responses, 18.6% of middle-aged, 12.6% of young-old, and 4.0% of the old-old mentioned seeking a soul mate. Again, the difference between the old-old and the young-old was significant (chi square = 7.37), as was the difference between the old-old and the middle-aged (chi square = 16.05). Romantic activities 32.0% of middle-aged, 30.0% of young-old and 13.3% of old-old mentioned romantic activities in the written response. There was scarcely a difference between the young-old and the middle-aged, though the old-old mentioned romantic activities significantly less often than the young-old (chi square = 12.27) and significantly less often than the middle-aged (chi square = 14.90). Sexual interest Whereas 13.3% of middle-aged and 10.0% of young-old expressed an interest in sexual activities, only 2.0% of the old-old did so. The middle-aged and the young-old were significantly more likely to mention sexual interests than the old-old (chi square = 13.60 chi square = 8.51, respectively). Health Health was mentioned by 18.0% of middle-aged, 19.3% of young-old, and 39.3% of old-old participants. The chi square test comparing the old-old and the young-old was significant
(chi square = 14.47) as was the test comparing the old-old and the middle-aged (chi square = 16.69). Discussion Although the value of intimate social relationships throughout life is widely recognized, there is but a smattering of relevant research on the romantic lives of the middle-aged, very little on the young-old, and virtually nothing on the old-old. We had, consequently, few empirical shoulders on which to stand in formulating research questions. We did, however, have access to a rich source of data, Internet personal ads, a source which has only recently become available. The advent and growth of online dating services for men and women of all ages have provided an unprecedented opportunity to gain ecologically valid information on self-presentational strategies and courtship patterns in large, increasingly representative samples of Americans. Given the exploratory nature of the study and the paucity of theoretical treatments of romantic relationships in later life, we were necessarily guided in our approach by the data at hand, the text provided by the daters themselves. From these written responses, six major themes that could be reliably rated in content analyses were delineated. We then compared the frequency of occurrence of each theme in the text written by middle-aged, young-old and old-old daters. For five of the six variables analyzed in this study, there were significant differences between the young-old and old-old, but for only one variable, loneliness, was there a difference between the young-old and the middle-aged (See Fig. 1). Overall, our results suggest that in the 21st century the social world of young-old adulthood can be thought of as essentially an extension of middle age. In light of such results, practice and policy touching upon issues of relationship formation and isolation might benefit from reconceptualizing old age as beginning later than the currently prevalent 65-year mark. Developing finer-grained distinctions between stages in later life should increase the effectiveness of programs and policies aiming to improve the social lives of older adults.
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The clear differences between the young-old and old-old found in this study highlight the error of treating all older adults as a homogenous group. Compared to the young-old, the old-old were significantly less likely to mention romantic and sexual activities, adventure/exploration or the search for the right person. The young-old seemed more interested in starting life over with a new romantic partner, the old-old in finding a companion with whom they could share activities. Members of the two age groups were equally likely to express loneliness, but in their relationship goals they moved in quite different directions. Expectably, health figured more prominently in the texts of the old-old than of the other groups, typically, as in the examples above, in a manner intended to reassure potential partners. The findings of this research contradict the stereotypical view that all older adults are either stuck-in-their-ways and unwilling to move on from past relationships or so lonely that they will settle for any companionship. Though they express more loneliness than the middle-aged, past work has shown that the young-old and old-old are also more selective in their dating choices than younger people (McIntosh, Locker, Briley, Ryan, & Scott, 2011; Sears-Roberts Alterovitz & Mendelsohn, 2009). Recognizing and learning more about the vibrant emotional, romantic, and sexual lives of older adults could translate, among other things, into greater awareness of the need for privacy and for intimacy in institutional settings. They point as well to the utility of improving the computer literacy of older adults and of enhanced efforts to publicize and destigmatize Internet dating. The Internet has an important role to play in reducing the social isolation that is often a part of aging. This study also has implications for the development of theory directed toward the increasingly pertinent question of how romantic social relationships change throughout the lifespan. The themes that arose in this study were centered around shared interests in activities, rather than around shared values. That is consistent with socioemotional selectivity theory, which posits that the salience of mortality shifts people's focus from increasing awareness of future-oriented concerns, such as long-term compatibility of shared values, to present-oriented concerns, such as immediate activities (Carstensen, Isaacowitz, & Charles, 1999). One implication of our findings is that socioemotional selectivity theory, previously applied to relationship maintenance, applies equally to relationship formation. This study is, hopefully, a starting point in the development of a more informed and nuanced understanding of relationship goals in later life. The use of data from profiles posted online made it possible to obtain a large sample of participants with equal numbers of men and women. For research on the formation of romantic relationships in adults, such a sample, particularly of the old-old, would otherwise be very difficult to acquire and we know of none like it. However, despite its exceptional value, there are some limitations imposed by using the Internet as the source of the data. First, members of the sample were better educated and less ethnically diverse than the general population. Further, though 53% of adults over age 65 now use the Internet, older adults are less likely to use the Internet than are other age groups (Zickuhr & Madden, 2012). Thus, the older participants may be less representative of their age group than are the middle-aged of theirs. Whether these characteristics of the sample affect the generalizability of
the results to the American population at large is difficult to determine. We see no clear reason why they should, but making generalization from these data about users of online dating sites raises fewer questions. This is a matter of some importance since contemporary courtship includes online dating as an integral part of the everyday social environment. As such, it merits study in its own right. Two aspects of the data collection that lead to interpretive uncertainties should be noted. Since participants were free to write what they wanted to and, within the stated limits, as much as they wanted to, there was considerable variation in the content and focus of the personal statements. The text as written was necessarily the basis of the content coding, but there is no way of knowing what was thought but not said, what was overlooked or for purposes of impression management inhibited. Only if such omissions occurred on a systematic basis would the group data we report have been affected, and it seems reasonable to presume that the themes included in the text were the most immediately salient to the writers. The second uncertainty has to do with the use of a cross-sectional design. It is difficult to parse the effects attributable to age and those attributable to cohort. Indeed, people's attitudes toward dating, romance, and sexuality are likely to be highly influenced by their cohort. For example, in our sample, many of the old-old participants would have come of age before the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s. Many of the young-old participants, on the other hand, would have begun forming their expectations about romance and gender-roles during that revolutionary time. Furthermore, greater sexual conservatism in older cohorts (George & Weiler, 1981) might be associated with less willingness to discuss romantic or sexual activities in an online forum. While it is entirely likely that the results of this study are attributable to both age and cohort effects, there is no way of estimating the relative contributions of each. Solutions to this problem are not readily at hand; it is hard to imagine how relevant longitudinal data could be obtained. In our research thus far we have examined self-presentations, statements of relationship goals and of preferences. We intend in future studies to look as well at behavior (e.g., who contacts whom; whose messages are reciprocated by whom). Further, additional research is needed to evaluate the possible moderating effects of widowhood and divorce on relationship goals and preferences. As we have noted more than once, there has been little systematic empirical study of the courtship patterns of mature adults, not even of the middle-aged. The results of this and of our previous study (Sears-Roberts Alterovitz & Mendelsohn, 2009) show that the establishment of romantic relationships remains a goal throughout the lifespan, though it manifests in somewhat different ways at different ages. By accessing records of online dating, we now have an effective means of gaining an improved, data-based understanding of the continuities and transitions in how that goal is pursued.
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S.S.R. Alterovitz, G.A. Mendelsohn / Journal of Aging Studies 27 (2013) 159–165 Bulcroft, R. A., & Bulcroft, K. A. (1991). The nature and functions of dating in later life. Research on Aging, 13(2), 244–260. Bulcroft, K., & O'Connor, M. (1986). The importance of dating relationships on quality of life for older persons. Family Relations, 35, 397–401. Carpenter, L. M., Nathanson, C. A., & Kim, Y. J. (2006). Sex after 40?: Gender, ageism, and sexual partnering in midlife. Journal of Aging Studies, 20(2), 93–106. Carr, D. (2004). The desire to date and remarry among older widows and widowers. Journal of Marriage and Family, 66, 1051–1068. Carstensen, L. L., Isaacowitz, D. M., & Charles, S. T. (1999). Taking time seriously: A theory of socioemotional selectivity. American Psychologist, 54(3), 165–181. Cooney, T. M., & Dunne, K. (2001). Intimate relationships in later life: Current realities, future prospects. Journal of Family Issues, 22(7), 838–858. Coupland, J. (2000). Past the “perfect kind of age”? Styling selves and relationships in over-50s dating advertisements. Journal of Communication, 9–30. Davidson, K. (2001). Late life widowhood, selfishness and new partnership choices: a gendered perspective. Ageing and Society, 21, 297–317. De Jong Gierveld, J. (2004). Remarriage, unmarried cohabitation, living apart together: Partner relationships following bereavement or divorce. Journal of Marriage and Family, 66, 236–243. De Sousa Campos, L., Otta, E., & de Oliveira Siqueira, J. (2002). Sex differences in mate selection strategies; content analyses and responses to personal advertisements in Brazil. Evolution and Human Behavior, 23, 395–406. De Vries, B. (1996). The understanding of friendship: An adult life course perspective. Handbook of emotion, adult development, and aging (pp. 249–268). Deaux, K., & Hanna, R. (1984). Courtship in the personals column: The influence of gender and sexual orientation. Sex Roles, 11(5/6), 363–375. DeLamater, J. D., & Sill, M. (2005). Sexual desire in later life. Journal of Sex Research, 42(2), 138–149. Fox, S. (2004). Older Americans and the internet. : PEW Internet & American Life Project ( http://www.pewinternet.org/report_display.asp?r=117). George, L. I., & Weiler, S. J. (1981). Sexuality in middle and late life. The effects of age, cohort, and gender. Archives of General Psychiatry, 38(8), 919–923. Hansson, R. O. (1986). Relational competence, relationships, and adjustment in old age. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50(5), 1050–1058. Jonson, H., & Siverskog, A. (2012). Turning vinegar into wine: Humorous self-presentations among older GLBTQ online daters. Journal of Aging Studies, 26(2), 55–64. Li, L. W., & Liang, J. (2007). Social exchanges and subjective well-being among older Chinese: Does age make a difference? Psychology and Aging, 22(2), 386–391. Matt, G. E., & Dean, A. (1993). Social support from friends and psychological distress among elderly persons: Moderator effects of age. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 34(3), 187–200.
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Contents lists available at SciVerse ScienceDirect
Journal of Aging Studies journal homepage: www.elsevier.com/locate/jaging
Relationship goals of middle-aged, young-old, and old-old internet daters: An analysis of online personal ads Sheyna S.R. Alterovitz a,⁎, Gerald A. Mendelsohn b, 1 a b
University of California, Berkeley, 630 Bayberry Drive, Chapel Hill, NC, 27517, United States University of California, Berkeley, 3210 Tolman Hall, Berkeley, CA 94720, United States
a r t i c l e
i n f o
Article history: Received 7 June 2012 Received in revised form 5 December 2012 Accepted 28 December 2012 Keywords: Interpersonal relationships Social networks Qualitative research methods Aging Romantic relationships
a b s t r a c t Purpose of the study: Research on courtship patterns and romantic relationship in later life has not kept pace with the burgeoning number of older adults interested in dating. Design and methods: We conducted content analyses of themes arising from 450 personal ads written by middle-aged (40–54), young-old (60–74), and old-old (75 +) participants. Results: Significant differences between the young-old and the middle-aged were few; those between the young-old and old-old were numerous. Compared to the old-old, the young-old and middle-aged were more likely to mention adventure, romance, sexual interests, and seeking a soul mate and less likely to mention health. Implications: This study increases our understanding of relationship goals in later life and highlights the error of treating all older adults as a homogeneous group. Practice and policy can benefit from more nuanced distinctions between age groups and an enhanced recognition of the vibrant emotional, romantic, and sexual lives of older adults. © 2013 Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Introduction At all ages, close supportive relationships are associated with positive physical, social, and psychological outcomes including increased life satisfaction (Li & Liang, 2007). Unfortunately, many older adults experience a shrinking of their social networks as events such as retirement decrease opportunities to form new relationships, and old relationships are ended by the death of friends and family (De Vries, 1996). Despite the threats of increased isolation and decreased mobility common in later life, many older adults actively continue to form meaningful friendships (Troll, 1994) and, increasingly, romantic relationships (Cooney & Dunne, 2001; De Jong Gierveld, 2004). As social mores change and the cohort of Boomers ages, it is becoming ever more common for older adults to be
⁎ Corresponding author. Tel.: +1 919 967 3137. E-mail addresses: [email protected] (S.S.R. Alterovitz), [email protected] (G.A. Mendelsohn). 1 Tel.: +1 510 642 5292. 0890-4065/$ – see front matter © 2013 Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.jaging.2012.12.006
interested and involved in dating. In fact, Carr (2004) reported that by 18 months after the death of a spouse, 37% of widows and 15% of widowers over the age of 65 were interested in dating. Furthermore, studies of the sexual lives of older adults have demonstrated a broad range of sexual interests and activities in later life (see Zeiss & Kasl-Godley, 2001 for a review). As one 67 year-old man in our sample explained, “Just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there's no fire in the furnace.” It is not until age 75 that the majority of older adults report low sexual desire (DeLamater & Sill, 2005). Despite the extensive literature on the importance of social support networks, the growing research on friendships in later life, and the well-developed body of work on widowhood and bereavement, research on courtship patterns and romantic relationships in later life has not kept pace with the burgeoning number of older adults interested in dating. It is known that older adults can benefit from dating relationships by gaining a confidante and an outlet for self-disclosure, achieving higher status among their peers, and experiencing decreased loneliness and depression (Bulcroft & O'Connor, 1986; Carr, 2004).
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Past research on romantic relationships in later life has mostly focused on relationship formation, rather than on relationship goals. For example, there is a fair amount of literature on who is likely to form relationships in later life. Widowed women who have had a single long-term relationship rather than multiple relationships are less likely to be interested in remarriage, as are women who described their prior marriage as either perfect or poor (Talbott, 1998). Overall, men, in later life, are more likely than women to be interested in repartnering (Davidson, 2001). Interest in repartnering is also more common among people with better health and mobility (Bulcroft & Bulcroft, 1991). Other research in relationship formation has identified a number of physical, social, and psychological barriers to repartnering (for a review see McElhaney, 1992). For example, societal stereotypes trivializing or frowning on sexuality in later life might discourage older people from seeking romantic relationships. Similarly, feelings of decreased attractiveness can dampen interest in dating. This is especially true for women since the cultural belief that attractiveness diminishes with age impacts women earlier and more strongly than men (Carpenter, Nathanson, & Kim, 2006). In addition to facing society's general discomfort with late life romance, older adults are often confronted with adult children's reticence to accept their parents as romantic or sexual beings. Adult children can create obstacles to repartnering by expressing hostility to the notion that a parent might “find a replacement” for a deceased or divorced spouse (Talbott, 1998). Some older adults find ways to cope with the negative messages about aging — for example, by employing self-deprecating humor in personal ads (Jonson & Siverskog, 2012). Undoubtedly, however, others internalize the ageist messages and are dissuaded from pursuing new relationships. There are also non-normative barriers to dating including feelings of selfishness and guilt among widows and widowers (Bulcroft & O'Connor, 1986; Talbott, 1998) and finding a balance between the desire for companionship and the dread of becoming a caregiver may not be easy (Carr, 2004). The prospect of dating can also create various other concerns, from fears of being taken advantage of financially to uncertainties about how to interact with a new romantic partner (Watson, Bell, & Stelle, 2010). Despite a number of valuable contributions to the dating literature such as those cited above, the goals and salient themes of relationship formation in later life remain largely unexplored, and much of the existing research has been limited by a reliance on small, primarily female samples in interview studies that depend on self-reports of sensitive, potentially embarrassing material. With the graying of America and increased longevity, it is becoming more important than ever to identify life transitions in the later years and to recognize the heterogeneity among older adults. The differences between the young-old (age 60–74) and the old-old (age 75+) can be far-reaching and range across physical, cognitive, and psychosocial domains. For example, compared to the young-old, the old-old are more likely to suffer chronic illnesses and less likely to adopt healthy behaviors (Zanjani, Schaie, & Willis, 2006). The old-old also experience different clinical features of depression than the young-old (Mehta et al., 2008) and are more likely to express death-anxiety (Mullins & Lopez, 1982). Where there are physical and
psychological differences, it cannot be a surprise that there are social differences as well. In fact, Hansson (1986) found that satisfaction with social relationships is positively associated with morale and self-esteem for the young-old but not the old-old. The old-old are also more likely than the young-old to experience and be troubled by the loss of the support of friends (Matt & Dean, 1993). Unfortunately, because it has been difficult to obtain large samples of old-old participants, studies on romantic relationships have tended to treat all older adults as a single group, thus failing to distinguish between the young-old and the old-old (e.g., Coupland, 2000; De Sousa Campos, Otta, & de Oliveira Siqueira, 2002). The advent of Internet dating sites and the growing utilization of online personal ads by older adults has provided an unprecedented opportunity to study large samples of older men and women from across the nation and to compare the middle-aged, young-old, and old-old. Increasingly, older adults are turning to email, chat rooms, and online personal ads to help combat social isolation and expand their social networks (Fox, 2004; Wright & Query, 2000). By taking advantage of this rich, naturalistic data source, we can acquire much needed, ecologically valid information about the romantic relationships of older adults. In the present study, we analyzed data from profiles posted on an online dating service by 450 heterosexual participants drawn equally from three age groups: middle-aged (40–54 yrs), young-old (60–74 yrs), and old-old (75+). In previous work, we examined the partner preferences of older adults from an evolutionary perspective and found that many predictions derived from evolutionary theory (e.g., greater selectivity by women) held across the life span, even for users who were at an age when reproduction was no longer a concern (Sears-Roberts Alterovitz & Mendelsohn, 2009). However, the dating goals and motivations of the middle-aged, young-old, and old-old personal ad writers remain unknown, and, to our knowledge, this is the first study to use the online personal ads of older adults as a means to explore the salient themes of romantic relationships in later life. Online profiles contain both responses to fixed categories and a free response section. Given the richness and diversity of the written responses in the personal ads and how little is known about courtship patterns among older adults, we were uncertain of what themes the personal ads would contain. We identified six themes relevant to understanding the relationship goals and motivations of the ad writers: (1) expressing loneliness, (2) seeking adventure or exploration, (3) searching for a “soul mate,” (4) desiring romantic activities, (5) expressing sexual interests, and (6) mentioning health. We then investigated whether there were age and gender differences in the expression of these six themes in the free responses of the participants. Methods Materials All personal ads in this study were downloaded from Yahoo! Personals which received about 6 million visitors each month (Perils, 2006). There was no charge for posting a personal ad on Yahoo!Personals; to respond to an ad, one could register for a free weeklong trial or become a member for a monthly fee. In order to post an ad, ad writers completed an online form
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including a section titled “In My Own Words” in which the ad writers typed a maximum of 1400 words about anything they chose; most often they described both themselves and their desired partner. Participants We collected 450 personal ads by random quota sampling without replacement to obtain ads from 75 heterosexual males (“men seeking women”) and 75 heterosexual females (“women seeking men”) in each of three age groups (middle-aged, young-old, and old-old). The 150 participants in each age group are composed of 25 males and 25 females from each of three geographic areas: Seattle, WA; Pittsburgh, PA; and Austin, TX. Thus, half of the participants are males; half are females; one-third is in each age group; and one-third are in each geographic area. The three age groups were middle-aged (age 40–54), young-old (age 60–74), and old-old (age 75 +). The age groups are consistent with US census bureau age divisions as well as with previous research on physical and cognitive aspects of aging (e.g., Abrams, Trunk, & Merrill, 2007; McCrae et al., 2008). Additionally, the age brackets serve to mark successive periods of adult life, permitting an exploration of transition points in the lifespan, e.g., are the young-old more similar to the middle-aged or to the old-old? To address concerns raised by Deaux and Hanna (1984) that there might be regional differences in personal ads, we sampled from three geographic areas across the U.S. One-third of the ads were collected from a 200 mile radius surrounding Austin, Texas; one-third from the 200 mile radius surrounding Seattle, Washington; and one-third from the 200 mile radius surrounding Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. These regions cover urban, suburban, and rural areas, and the cities were chosen because the populations are dissimilar from each other in terms of race, economic status, and percentage of people over age 65. To collect the data, we first searched Yahoo!Personals for all ads in each gender–age–location category, e.g., women age 40– 54 living within 200 miles of Seattle. Second, we downloaded 25 ads randomly selected from the results of each search. Yahoo! Personals returned at most 1000 results per search. Therefore, the maximum possible sample frame for each gender–age– location category was 1000, and the maximum possible sample frame for each age group was 6000. The number of ads returned by the search engine reflects the fact that using online personal ads is far more common among the middle-aged than among the young-old or old-old. The 150 ads from middle-aged participants were randomly selected from 6000 ads (the maximum possible sample frame). The 150 ads from the young-old were randomly selected from 3491 ads, and the 150 ads from the old-old were randomly selected from 781 ads. In our sample, the middle-aged group was composed of participants of mean age 46.2 (SD = 4.16 yrs). The young-old group had a mean age of 63.6 (SD = 3.49 yrs), and the mean age for the old-old group was 77.7 (SD = 2.95 yrs). The mean age in each bracket was essentially the same for men and women. As expected, older participants were more likely to be widowed and less likely to be divorced than younger participants. Whereas, 70% of the old-old were widowed,
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only 32.7% of the young-old and 4% of the middle-aged were widowed. On the other hand, only 25.3% of the old-old were divorced, while 54.7% of the young-old and 66% of the middle aged were. Naturally, employment status also differed by age group with 2.7% of the middle-aged, 39.3% of the young-old, and 76.7% of the old-old being retired. Not surprisingly, this sample of Internet-users is better educated than the general population, with 35.6% having a college degree. Overall, 87.6% of participants self-identified as white, 2.9% as black, 2.4% as Hispanic, 4.5% as other ethnicities, and 2.6% did not specify an ethnicity. Table 1 shows the demographic data by age group. Coding procedure We conducted content analysis of the written portions of the ads in keeping with the qualitative method of Strauss and Corbin (1998). A subset of personal ads was analyzed to identify salient themes, a code sheet was developed based on those themes, and coders were trained on the code sheet using sample advertisements. Note that the coding was two-category, present/absent, i.e., the theme was or was not mentioned in the text. Throughout the process, coders were blind to the ad writers' age, gender, and other demographic information unless such information was explicitly given by the ad writer in the written portion of the profile. The primary coder was a 22 year-old female. To determine inter-rater reliability, a subset of 120 ads (20% of the sample) was coded by a second rater, a 53 year-old female. Ratings were based only on the manifest content of the personal ads, and, to the extent possible, personal reactions or inferences were excluded from the rating process. Inter-rater reliabilities (kappas) and examples of the content within each category are provided below. Discrepancies between coders were identified and resolved by discussion. Dependent variables Loneliness Kappa = .777. We coded whether the ad writer expressed loneliness e.g., “all alone and lonesome, want companion” (male, 82)“Kind and kinda lonely too” (female, 67)“Well, if you are out there lets [sic] get together soon, as I am tired of talking to myself…” (male, 65)“I am a lonely lady who would like a little company to go places” (female, 85). Adventure/exploration Kappa= .733. We coded whether the ad writer mentioned seeking adventure or longing to explore life, e.g., “Today really is the first day of the rest of my life…living, learning and wondering what the next day, week and year will bring is very exciting to me.” (female, 61)“One who looks forward to having one's horizons extended! There is always room to explore that unbeaten path with another adventuresome/risk-taker soul!” (female, 60)“looking for a long term intimate friendship to explore new and exciting avenues.” (male, 49)“I am developing new interests and directions in my life, after all isn't life all about change and
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excitement, trying new things?” (female, 50)“I'm looking for someone to be my relationship partner, share all of these things, and to go exploring…” (male, 42). Soul mate Kappa= .848. We coded whether the ad writer mentioned seeking one special person, a “soul mate,” “Mr. Right,” etc. in the written response section. e.g., “searching for the 1” (female, 40)“looking for that special someone” (female, 69)“Searching for my Roxanne… searching for my soulmate” (male, 64)“One is not a multiplier…I am looking for a soulmate that will and can contribute to a long term relationship” (male, 70). Romantic activities Kappa = .787. We coded for whether the participants described themselves or their potential match as romantic or expressed an interest in romantic activities such as snuggling, hand-holding, wine by the fireplace, e.g., “I would like to find a nice friendly, romantic lady” (male, 75)“I love soaking in hot tubs, with candles lit and romantic settings” (male, 41)“I like to take walks (not alone) holding some ones [sic] hand....I like to cuddle and watch movies” (female, 69)“He must be very romantic and like to hold hands” (female, 60)“I like to go for walks holding hands on the beach, watching a sunset, cuddle, long hugs and romantic dinners” (female, 60).
Table 1 Demographics by age group of sample of online personal ad writers.
Gender Geographic area
Race/ethnicity
Marital status
Maximum education level
Employment status
Male Female 200 miles of Austin, TX 200 miles of Seattle, WA 200 miles of Pittsburgh, PA Asian Black Hispanic White Other No answer Widowed Divorced Separated Single No answer High school College Post graduate No answer Part-time Full-time Homemaker Retired Other No answer
Age 40–54 (n = 150)
Age 60–74 (n = 150)
Age 75+ (n = 150)
50.0% 50.0% 33.3%
50.0% 50.0% 33.3%
50.0% 50.0% 33.3%
33.3%
33.3%
33.3%
33.3%
33.3%
33.3%
0.7% 5.3% 4.0% 82.0% 7.3% 0.7% 4.0% 66.0% 8.7% 16.7% 4.7% 10.0% 68.6% 15.3% 6.0% 1.3% 72.0% 1.3% 2.7% 16.7% 6.0%
0.0% 2.0% 2.7% 89.3% 4.0% 2.0% 32.7% 54.7% 4.0% 2.0% 6.7% 19.4% 60.0% 17.3% 3.3% 10.7% 26.0% 0.7% 39.3% 17.3% 6.0%
0.0% 1.3% 0.7% 91.3% 1.3% 5.4% 70.0% 25.3% 2.7% 0.0% 2.0% 26.0% 52.0% 14.0% 8.0% 2.7% 2.0% 3.3% 76.7% 10.6% 4.7%
Sexual activities Kappa = .889. We coded whether the ad writers expressed an interest in sexual activities, e.g., by describing themselves or their desired match as sensuous, sexy, passionate, etc. “Sexy Latina” (female, 53)“sexy brunette seeks dark & mysterious” (female, 40)“Must be Sexually compatible, I love to kiss, so that is a big thing, ever hear the song, (It's in his kiss?).” (female, 43)“At this point in my life, I would like Someone who is Compatable [sic] and who is very Sexual.” (male, 66)“I am looking for women who would like to have a stimulating and hot relationship. I would like to satisfy all your needs in any way you desire, as a good mental relationship is as important to me as a good sexual relationship.” (male, 60).
Health Kappa= .889. Since our primary concern was to determine the age at which health becomes salient, we coded as present any mention of health, positive or negative (rare), in self or match (also rare). Typical responses were “in excellent health” (male, 79)“I am a ww2 veteran in good health except occasional aches and pains, some hearing loss in right ear soon to be corrected by VA” (male, 82)“I am in good shape and it is important to me” (female, 40)“They say I make quite a Fashion Statement with the Cane…a bit like Fred Astaire!” (female, 42)“I'm vibrant and healthy” (male, 61).
Results To analyze the data, we performed a series of chi-square tests comparing first, the middle-aged to the young-old, second, the young-old to the old-old, and third, the old-old to the middle-aged. At each age level, we made comparisons between male and female participants. Because there were a number of cells with unacceptably low expected cell frequencies, we did not perform overall gender by age group chi-square tests. To protect against the risk of type one error, we set the significance level for all statistical tests at pb .01. The results are presented in Fig. 1, which shows the percent of participants in the three age groups mentioning each of the themes. For each of the analyses, the pattern of age differences was characteristic of both men and women. We report only those chi-square tests (all with df = 1 and n = 300) that produced significant results (p b .01).
Loneliness Only 5.3% of the middle-aged mentioned loneliness. The proportion was substantially higher in the older groups; 14.7% of both the young-old and of the old-old expressed loneliness in the written responses. The difference between the middle-aged and the young-old was significant (chi square=7.25) as was the difference between the middle-aged and the old-old (chi square=7.25).
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Fig. 1. Percent of participants mentioning a theme as a function of age. * denotes a significant difference (p b 0.01) compared to Age 40–54. + denotes a significant difference (p b 0.01) compared to age 60–74.
Adventure/exploration 32.0% of middle-aged, 26.6% of young-old, and 14.0% of old-old mentioned seeking adventure in the written responses. There were significant differences between the old-old and the young-old (chi square= 7.42) and between the old-old and the middle-aged (chi-square = 13.72). Soul mate In the written responses, 18.6% of middle-aged, 12.6% of young-old, and 4.0% of the old-old mentioned seeking a soul mate. Again, the difference between the old-old and the young-old was significant (chi square = 7.37), as was the difference between the old-old and the middle-aged (chi square = 16.05). Romantic activities 32.0% of middle-aged, 30.0% of young-old and 13.3% of old-old mentioned romantic activities in the written response. There was scarcely a difference between the young-old and the middle-aged, though the old-old mentioned romantic activities significantly less often than the young-old (chi square = 12.27) and significantly less often than the middle-aged (chi square = 14.90). Sexual interest Whereas 13.3% of middle-aged and 10.0% of young-old expressed an interest in sexual activities, only 2.0% of the old-old did so. The middle-aged and the young-old were significantly more likely to mention sexual interests than the old-old (chi square = 13.60 chi square = 8.51, respectively). Health Health was mentioned by 18.0% of middle-aged, 19.3% of young-old, and 39.3% of old-old participants. The chi square test comparing the old-old and the young-old was significant
(chi square = 14.47) as was the test comparing the old-old and the middle-aged (chi square = 16.69). Discussion Although the value of intimate social relationships throughout life is widely recognized, there is but a smattering of relevant research on the romantic lives of the middle-aged, very little on the young-old, and virtually nothing on the old-old. We had, consequently, few empirical shoulders on which to stand in formulating research questions. We did, however, have access to a rich source of data, Internet personal ads, a source which has only recently become available. The advent and growth of online dating services for men and women of all ages have provided an unprecedented opportunity to gain ecologically valid information on self-presentational strategies and courtship patterns in large, increasingly representative samples of Americans. Given the exploratory nature of the study and the paucity of theoretical treatments of romantic relationships in later life, we were necessarily guided in our approach by the data at hand, the text provided by the daters themselves. From these written responses, six major themes that could be reliably rated in content analyses were delineated. We then compared the frequency of occurrence of each theme in the text written by middle-aged, young-old and old-old daters. For five of the six variables analyzed in this study, there were significant differences between the young-old and old-old, but for only one variable, loneliness, was there a difference between the young-old and the middle-aged (See Fig. 1). Overall, our results suggest that in the 21st century the social world of young-old adulthood can be thought of as essentially an extension of middle age. In light of such results, practice and policy touching upon issues of relationship formation and isolation might benefit from reconceptualizing old age as beginning later than the currently prevalent 65-year mark. Developing finer-grained distinctions between stages in later life should increase the effectiveness of programs and policies aiming to improve the social lives of older adults.
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The clear differences between the young-old and old-old found in this study highlight the error of treating all older adults as a homogenous group. Compared to the young-old, the old-old were significantly less likely to mention romantic and sexual activities, adventure/exploration or the search for the right person. The young-old seemed more interested in starting life over with a new romantic partner, the old-old in finding a companion with whom they could share activities. Members of the two age groups were equally likely to express loneliness, but in their relationship goals they moved in quite different directions. Expectably, health figured more prominently in the texts of the old-old than of the other groups, typically, as in the examples above, in a manner intended to reassure potential partners. The findings of this research contradict the stereotypical view that all older adults are either stuck-in-their-ways and unwilling to move on from past relationships or so lonely that they will settle for any companionship. Though they express more loneliness than the middle-aged, past work has shown that the young-old and old-old are also more selective in their dating choices than younger people (McIntosh, Locker, Briley, Ryan, & Scott, 2011; Sears-Roberts Alterovitz & Mendelsohn, 2009). Recognizing and learning more about the vibrant emotional, romantic, and sexual lives of older adults could translate, among other things, into greater awareness of the need for privacy and for intimacy in institutional settings. They point as well to the utility of improving the computer literacy of older adults and of enhanced efforts to publicize and destigmatize Internet dating. The Internet has an important role to play in reducing the social isolation that is often a part of aging. This study also has implications for the development of theory directed toward the increasingly pertinent question of how romantic social relationships change throughout the lifespan. The themes that arose in this study were centered around shared interests in activities, rather than around shared values. That is consistent with socioemotional selectivity theory, which posits that the salience of mortality shifts people's focus from increasing awareness of future-oriented concerns, such as long-term compatibility of shared values, to present-oriented concerns, such as immediate activities (Carstensen, Isaacowitz, & Charles, 1999). One implication of our findings is that socioemotional selectivity theory, previously applied to relationship maintenance, applies equally to relationship formation. This study is, hopefully, a starting point in the development of a more informed and nuanced understanding of relationship goals in later life. The use of data from profiles posted online made it possible to obtain a large sample of participants with equal numbers of men and women. For research on the formation of romantic relationships in adults, such a sample, particularly of the old-old, would otherwise be very difficult to acquire and we know of none like it. However, despite its exceptional value, there are some limitations imposed by using the Internet as the source of the data. First, members of the sample were better educated and less ethnically diverse than the general population. Further, though 53% of adults over age 65 now use the Internet, older adults are less likely to use the Internet than are other age groups (Zickuhr & Madden, 2012). Thus, the older participants may be less representative of their age group than are the middle-aged of theirs. Whether these characteristics of the sample affect the generalizability of
the results to the American population at large is difficult to determine. We see no clear reason why they should, but making generalization from these data about users of online dating sites raises fewer questions. This is a matter of some importance since contemporary courtship includes online dating as an integral part of the everyday social environment. As such, it merits study in its own right. Two aspects of the data collection that lead to interpretive uncertainties should be noted. Since participants were free to write what they wanted to and, within the stated limits, as much as they wanted to, there was considerable variation in the content and focus of the personal statements. The text as written was necessarily the basis of the content coding, but there is no way of knowing what was thought but not said, what was overlooked or for purposes of impression management inhibited. Only if such omissions occurred on a systematic basis would the group data we report have been affected, and it seems reasonable to presume that the themes included in the text were the most immediately salient to the writers. The second uncertainty has to do with the use of a cross-sectional design. It is difficult to parse the effects attributable to age and those attributable to cohort. Indeed, people's attitudes toward dating, romance, and sexuality are likely to be highly influenced by their cohort. For example, in our sample, many of the old-old participants would have come of age before the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s. Many of the young-old participants, on the other hand, would have begun forming their expectations about romance and gender-roles during that revolutionary time. Furthermore, greater sexual conservatism in older cohorts (George & Weiler, 1981) might be associated with less willingness to discuss romantic or sexual activities in an online forum. While it is entirely likely that the results of this study are attributable to both age and cohort effects, there is no way of estimating the relative contributions of each. Solutions to this problem are not readily at hand; it is hard to imagine how relevant longitudinal data could be obtained. In our research thus far we have examined self-presentations, statements of relationship goals and of preferences. We intend in future studies to look as well at behavior (e.g., who contacts whom; whose messages are reciprocated by whom). Further, additional research is needed to evaluate the possible moderating effects of widowhood and divorce on relationship goals and preferences. As we have noted more than once, there has been little systematic empirical study of the courtship patterns of mature adults, not even of the middle-aged. The results of this and of our previous study (Sears-Roberts Alterovitz & Mendelsohn, 2009) show that the establishment of romantic relationships remains a goal throughout the lifespan, though it manifests in somewhat different ways at different ages. By accessing records of online dating, we now have an effective means of gaining an improved, data-based understanding of the continuities and transitions in how that goal is pursued.
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