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Discipline: We need it now more than ever
If I were to take a poll and ask parents whether children need discipline, I doubt there’d be little disagreement. Of course they do! Indeed, there are numerous books written by a variety of experts on the best approaches to discipline children. Unfortunately discipline is one of those words or concepts that is used frequently but ontinues to be misunderstood. The problem is that many people do not make the distinction between discipline and punishment. Therefore two people can be talking about “discipline” but mean very different things! According to the dictionary “discipline” is defined as “training that is expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement” (Webster’s New World Dictionary, 1991, p. 402). In contrast, “punishment” is defined as “a penalty imposed for wrongdoing (Webster’s New World Dictionary, p. 1003). People often confuse these concepts; many people are talking about “punishment” when they are using the word “discipline,” and communication problems result! Yes, most people would agree that children need discipline. Children need to be taught what is appropriate and right, which
September/October
1996
behaviors are acceptable and which are not. In a world that has headlines filled with horrible accounts of violence such as a 6year old boy who battered a small infant or teens who killed a classmate as part of a satanic ritual, it is obvious that more, not less, discipline is needed. It is crucial that children be helped from early on to learn right from wrong, but the debate over how to best accomplish this continues. Does this learning come from discipline or from punishment? The confusion over the use of the term “discipline” has led to some interesting debates and discussions. One such issue is that of spanking. Experts continue to discuss such questions as: Should children ever be spanked? If so, when? By whom? And for what? To me, this is not an issue of discipline but rather one of punishment. Spanking is a form of punishment designed to stop a misbehavior. One of the problems of the use of spanking is that it is usually used in isolation. Thus the behavior may stop for a short time after a spanking, but without teaching which behavior is appropriate or right, the negative behavJ Pediatr Health Care. (1996). Copyright
10, 193-l 94.
0 1996 by the National
0891.5245/96/$5.00
ior often reappears fairly soon, and the spanking must be repeated. An interesting study by Socolar and Stein (1996) explored maternal beliefs and practices of spanking infants and toddlers. The authors categorized discipline methods by their tone as either positive or negative. Positive approaches included praise, reasoning, compromise, and mediation, whereas negative approaches included yelling, shaming, ridiculing, and disparaging. The authors used hypothetic discipline questions to explore parents’ beliefs of how to best handle certain situations such as when a lyear-old splashes water from the bathtub onto the floor. The authors also gave the mothers a questionnaire regarding their beliefs about various discipline practices and their recent use of such practices with their own children. The results showed that the type of misbehavior and the age of the child who was misbehaving affected the mother’s beliefs about discipline. The mothers responded that they would discipline dangerous behaviors more than annoying behaviors. Also, the belief in spanking and teaching increased with the child’s age.
Association
of Pediatric
Nurse Associates
& Practitioners.
+ 0 25/8/75225
193
IM
EDITORIAL
Nelms
However, mothers reported using spanking at an earlier age than teaching; that is, they would spank a 9- or E-month-old child before talking to the child. The study found that there was high consistency among spankers, negative discipliners, and positive discipliners across very different discipline situations. Thus those mothers who spank used this technique for different misbehaviors. Also, mothers who spanked believed in other negative approaches as well. Mothers who spanked reported using other negative techniques such as yelling or shaming. It’s no wonder spanking has been associated with many negative outcomes in children! The findings of Socolar and Stein’s (1996) study point to the importance of assessing parents’ beliefs in spanking and the use of other negative approaches. In our role as health care providers for children and their families, we can have a big impact in helping parents to use appropriate discipline practices. We need to explore with parents their beliefs about discipline and punishment, to ask about their history as a child regarding discipline and punishment, and to ask about present concerns. Such assessment should begin early in the child’s life, hopefully long before spanking would have begun. Such discussions give us the opportunity to talk about more positive alternatives to teaching children. We can discuss the difference between discipline and punishment and provide suggestions for age-appropriate discipline techniques such as removal from a situation, teaching, or distraction. To change a parent’s beliefs about spanking, we need to take the time for discussion and teach alternatives. We’re often faced with the “I was spanked and I came out OK so
194
Volume
IO Number
5
it’s OK for my child too” perspective from parents. However, I think most of us have found that most parents don’t like to spank, but they are frustrated and worried about their children’s behavior. We can take advantage of that concern and turn it into a positive teaching experience. We can teach them how to provide more discipline and less punishment. One resource that might be helpful for parents who are determined to spank regardless of our discussions is John Rosemond’s (1994) book To Spank or Not to Spank. In this book Rosemond notes that, “I do not believe that in and of themselves spankings correct behavior” (p. 14) but goes on to demonstrate how spanking, if it is to be used, can be incorporated in a discipline approach. He provides good guidelines for spanking that would help parents who are determined to use this technique. For example, Rosemond notes that when parents spank they should not spank as a last resort, should never spank in public, use only their hand, apply the hand to the child’s bottom only and follow through with a stern message and, sometimes, additional consequences. This book would be helpful to parents who are using spanking inappropriately but are unwilling to stop completely. Parents need our help in many areas, but discipline is certainly one of the most important. We must take every opportunity to help parents learn better approaches to teaching their children right from wrong. We as a society can only benefit if we are able to help families provide positive discipline for their children. Indeed, discipline is needed now more than ever. B.C.N. Editor
REFERENCES Rosemond,
J. (1994).
Kansas Socolar,
and McMeel.
R., & Stein, R. (1996).
cipline
of
belief,
and
Behavioral Webster’s New
To spank or rz~t ta spunk.
City, KS: Andrews young practice. Pediatrics, New York:
JOURNAL
World
Maternal
children:
dis-
Context,
Developmental
and
17, 1-8. Dictionary.
(1991).
Macmillan.
OF PEDIATRIC
HEALTH
CARE
September/October
1996
behaviors are acceptable and which are not. In a world that has headlines filled with horrible accounts of violence such as a 6year old boy who battered a small infant or teens who killed a classmate as part of a satanic ritual, it is obvious that more, not less, discipline is needed. It is crucial that children be helped from early on to learn right from wrong, but the debate over how to best accomplish this continues. Does this learning come from discipline or from punishment? The confusion over the use of the term “discipline” has led to some interesting debates and discussions. One such issue is that of spanking. Experts continue to discuss such questions as: Should children ever be spanked? If so, when? By whom? And for what? To me, this is not an issue of discipline but rather one of punishment. Spanking is a form of punishment designed to stop a misbehavior. One of the problems of the use of spanking is that it is usually used in isolation. Thus the behavior may stop for a short time after a spanking, but without teaching which behavior is appropriate or right, the negative behavJ Pediatr Health Care. (1996). Copyright
10, 193-l 94.
0 1996 by the National
0891.5245/96/$5.00
ior often reappears fairly soon, and the spanking must be repeated. An interesting study by Socolar and Stein (1996) explored maternal beliefs and practices of spanking infants and toddlers. The authors categorized discipline methods by their tone as either positive or negative. Positive approaches included praise, reasoning, compromise, and mediation, whereas negative approaches included yelling, shaming, ridiculing, and disparaging. The authors used hypothetic discipline questions to explore parents’ beliefs of how to best handle certain situations such as when a lyear-old splashes water from the bathtub onto the floor. The authors also gave the mothers a questionnaire regarding their beliefs about various discipline practices and their recent use of such practices with their own children. The results showed that the type of misbehavior and the age of the child who was misbehaving affected the mother’s beliefs about discipline. The mothers responded that they would discipline dangerous behaviors more than annoying behaviors. Also, the belief in spanking and teaching increased with the child’s age.
Association
of Pediatric
Nurse Associates
& Practitioners.
+ 0 25/8/75225
193
IM
EDITORIAL
Nelms
However, mothers reported using spanking at an earlier age than teaching; that is, they would spank a 9- or E-month-old child before talking to the child. The study found that there was high consistency among spankers, negative discipliners, and positive discipliners across very different discipline situations. Thus those mothers who spank used this technique for different misbehaviors. Also, mothers who spanked believed in other negative approaches as well. Mothers who spanked reported using other negative techniques such as yelling or shaming. It’s no wonder spanking has been associated with many negative outcomes in children! The findings of Socolar and Stein’s (1996) study point to the importance of assessing parents’ beliefs in spanking and the use of other negative approaches. In our role as health care providers for children and their families, we can have a big impact in helping parents to use appropriate discipline practices. We need to explore with parents their beliefs about discipline and punishment, to ask about their history as a child regarding discipline and punishment, and to ask about present concerns. Such assessment should begin early in the child’s life, hopefully long before spanking would have begun. Such discussions give us the opportunity to talk about more positive alternatives to teaching children. We can discuss the difference between discipline and punishment and provide suggestions for age-appropriate discipline techniques such as removal from a situation, teaching, or distraction. To change a parent’s beliefs about spanking, we need to take the time for discussion and teach alternatives. We’re often faced with the “I was spanked and I came out OK so
194
Volume
IO Number
5
it’s OK for my child too” perspective from parents. However, I think most of us have found that most parents don’t like to spank, but they are frustrated and worried about their children’s behavior. We can take advantage of that concern and turn it into a positive teaching experience. We can teach them how to provide more discipline and less punishment. One resource that might be helpful for parents who are determined to spank regardless of our discussions is John Rosemond’s (1994) book To Spank or Not to Spank. In this book Rosemond notes that, “I do not believe that in and of themselves spankings correct behavior” (p. 14) but goes on to demonstrate how spanking, if it is to be used, can be incorporated in a discipline approach. He provides good guidelines for spanking that would help parents who are determined to use this technique. For example, Rosemond notes that when parents spank they should not spank as a last resort, should never spank in public, use only their hand, apply the hand to the child’s bottom only and follow through with a stern message and, sometimes, additional consequences. This book would be helpful to parents who are using spanking inappropriately but are unwilling to stop completely. Parents need our help in many areas, but discipline is certainly one of the most important. We must take every opportunity to help parents learn better approaches to teaching their children right from wrong. We as a society can only benefit if we are able to help families provide positive discipline for their children. Indeed, discipline is needed now more than ever. B.C.N. Editor
REFERENCES Rosemond,
J. (1994).
Kansas Socolar,
and McMeel.
R., & Stein, R. (1996).
cipline
of
belief,
and
Behavioral Webster’s New
To spank or rz~t ta spunk.
City, KS: Andrews young practice. Pediatrics, New York:
JOURNAL
World
Maternal
children:
dis-
Context,
Developmental
and
17, 1-8. Dictionary.
(1991).
Macmillan.
OF PEDIATRIC
HEALTH
CARE