Grandparenting across borders: American grandparents and their Israeli grandchildren in a transnational reality

Journal of Aging Studies 27 (2013) 308–316

Contents lists available at ScienceDirect

Journal of Aging Studies journal homepage: www.elsevier.com/locate/jaging

Grandparenting across borders: American grandparents and their Israeli grandchildren in a transnational reality Laura I. Sigad a,⁎, Rivka A. Eisikovits b,1 a b

University of Haifa, The Center for the Study of Society, Mount Carmel, Haifa 31905, Israel University of Haifa, Faculty of Education, Mount Carmel, Haifa 31905, Israel

a r t i c l e

i n f o

Article history: Received 6 March 2013 Received in revised form 27 May 2013 Accepted 14 June 2013 Keywords: Transnationalism and the family Transnational grandparenting Transnational migrants Transnationalism American migrants in Israel

a b s t r a c t Families are increasingly dispersed across national borders. Americans in Israel are one migrant group that represents the worldwide phenomenon of transnationalism. Grandparents separated geographically from their grandchildren develop new means of communication with them and new kinds of relationships. This study uses ethnographic interviews with the grandparents of transnational, American-Israeli children and youth to offer an in-depth examination of the experience of grandparenting across borders. We find that grandparenting children who are both geographically distant and raised in a foreign culture necessitates the development of new ways of maintaining relationships with grandchildren. This study considers the impact of transnational migration on the extended family, on those left behind, who struggle with redefining their roles as grandparents and with the sense of being deprived of the roles they had expected to play. © 2013 Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

“Everyone needs to have access both to grandparents and grandchildren in order to be a full human being”. [Margaret Mead (1972)] Introduction Globalization and emerging transnationalism are transforming the grandparent–grandchild relationship as grandparents living in one country model new approaches to interacting with their grandchildren overseas. Transnational migrants increasingly crisscross borders on a daily basis, living their financial, political and familial lives in two countries and cultures while maintaining strong and simultaneous connections with both their countries of origin and of residence (Glick Schiller, Basch, & Blanc-Szanton, 1992; Levitt & Jaworsky, 2007). The effects of these migrations reverberate beyond the migrants' own lives as familial relationships are both cyclical and bidirectional (Banks, 2009; Lie, 2010; Smith, 2006). The

lives of all family members, across generations, are forever changed when kin decide to migrate (Clark, Glick, & Bures, 2009). This study explores the impact of transnational migration on the American grandparents of transnational AmericanIsraeli grandchildren. By examining the experience of transnational grandparents, we probe the influence of the cultural gulf between grandparents and grandchildren. The present study explores the interaction between the grandparents' own experience and societal beliefs about grandparenting. Studies of migration rarely explore the impact of migration on the communities, family members and individuals left behind (King & Vullnetari, 2006), focusing instead on the experience of the immigrants themselves (e.g., Heikkinen & Lumme-Sandt, 2013). The present study is an in-depth investigation of such individuals and the multiple ways in which migration affects the relationship between grandparent and grandchild. Transnational families

⁎ Corresponding author. Tel.: +972 4 828 8294; fax: +972 4 824 9268. E-mail addresses: [email protected] (L.I. Sigad), [email protected] (R.A. Eisikovits). 1 Tel.: +972 4 8249067/820500; fax: +972 4 8240911. 0890-4065/$ – see front matter © 2013 Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.jaging.2013.06.002

The changing nature of global, transnational migration patterns has led to the emergence of diverse family forms, bringing previously held theories about the family into question

L.I. Sigad, R.A. Eisikovits / Journal of Aging Studies 27 (2013) 308–316

(Salazar Parrenas, 2008). Migration was once conceptualized as a linear movement in which people transferred their lives from the country of origin to their new destination. Today, it has become clear that the ever-increasing number of migrants and migrant communities experience migration as an ongoing movement between two or more social spaces or locations (e.g., Banks, 2009; Levitt & Jaworsky, 2007), rather than abandoning one in favor of the other. To date, scholars have focused on the phenomenon of cross-border family life evident in transnational migrant groups. Such studies view geographic separation as part of a predetermined migration strategy (Suarez-Orozco, Todorova, & Louie, 2002). For example, in the astronaut family, one parent raises the children in the country of migration, while the other remains in the country of origin for financial reasons (Chiang, 2008). Children in these families are known as satellite children (Tsang, Irving, Alaggia, Chau, & Benjamin, 2003). Another example, parachute children, are most frequently Korean-born and sent to North America to live with extended family or other members of the Korean community in the hope that they will win acceptance to North American universities (Orellana, Thorne, Chee, & Lam, 2001). The maintenance of transnational relationships has been found to be a vital concern in the everyday lives of older migrants (Heikkinen & Lumme-Sandt, 2013). Transnational family migration studies have documented the emotional costs of long-term separation for both parents and children (Dreby, 2006). These studies include an investigation of the strategies parents and children use for developing intimacy despite geographic separation from one another (e.g., Schmalzbauer, 2008). Transnational mothers retain their mothering roles even while separated from their children, devising novel communication methods to provide a sense of family and continuity for their children (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). Transnational fatherhood has also begun to attract attention, with research among Mexican and Filipino transnational fathers focusing on differences in gender-defined parenting roles (e.g., Dreby, 2006; Salazar Parrenas, 2008). Academic exploration of the experience and consequences of transnationalism for children and youth is also in its initial stages (e.g., Orellana et al., 2001; Sigad & Eisikovits, 2010). Grandparenting and transnational grandparents The family system as a whole should be taken into account when studying migration. While research on grandparenting is evolving rapidly (Werner, Buchbinder, Lowenstein, & Livni, 2007), certain areas of this phenomenon remain insufficiently studied, specifically those relating to grandparents within a transnational context. It is well documented that grandparenthood has many positive effects on the grandparents themselves (e.g., Harwood, 2004) and that geographic and psychological distances are both factors that affect the grandparent–grandchild relationship. Studies have shown that even when grandparents are content with their relationships, they continue to bemoan the lack of contact with their grandchildren (Reitzes & Mutran, 2004a). Globalization renders the grandparent's role even more ambiguous (Reitzes & Mutran, 2004a, 2004b). While the geographic and psychological gaps present in long-distance grandparenting have been recognized (Harwood, 2004), the cultural gap between grandparent and grandchild in a transnational

309

context has yet to receive scholarly attention (Nesteruk & Marks, 2009). Scholars have addressed the experience of transnational grandparents as caregivers to grandchildren both “back home” and in their adult children's adopted countries (Da, 2003; Smith, 2006; Zhou, 2012). For example, many Chinese grandparents have taken on the role of transnational caregivers for their immigrant grandchildren in Canada (Zhou, 2012). The changing role of grandmothers of transnational AfricanCaribbean migrant families in Britain has been noted in the literature. Traditionally, these grandmothers lived close to their grandchildren and played a significant role in child rearing, including providing economic support and socialization. They continue to perform this role despite geographic separation, but have lost the central position they once held (Plaza, 2000). Grandparents are also the occasional agents of discipline when transnational migrants' adolescent children go astray. Yemenite youth living in the United States are sometimes sent to stay with their grandfathers in Yemen to gain what is perceived as critical moral direction (Orellana et al., 2001). Grandparents in countries of origin also occasionally provide a temporary safety net, rescuing children from perceived negative environmental influences in the Mexican immigrant community in New York (Smith, 2006) as well as in the Caribbean and South American migrant communities throughout the U.S. (Suarez-Orozco & Suarez-Orozco, 2001). In this study we seek to fill in some of the abovementioned gaps in the scholarly study of transnational grandparents by seeking answers to the following guiding questions: How do grandparents view the experience of grandparenting across borders? How do they bridge the cultural and geographic gaps between themselves and their grandchildren? How does grandparenting from afar affect the grandparents' sense of their roles? What does the study of transnational migration and grandparenting teach us about the role of the elderly in society? In pursuing our research we will describe and analyze how grandparents contribute to the transnational lives of their grandchildren and how they assess that contribution. In addition, we will investigate how they perceive their own roles in maintaining cross-border familial ties. In so doing, we offer to enlarge our understanding of societal views of the role of the grandparent. Context: North American immigrants in Israel Americans in Israel are one migrant group that represents the global phenomenon of transnationalism. Their lives cross social spheres in that they maintain multiple, daily links to the United States even as they live out daily life in Israel (Sigad & Eisikovits, 2009, 2010). About 120,000 American Jews have immigrated to Israel since the founding of the state in 1948. American culture and the English language enjoy high status in Israel (Ben-Rafael, 1994), thereby encouraging migrants and their children to identify as transnationals who maintain daily connections with their culture of origin. American-born Jews are ambivalent about the duration of their residence in Israel. An estimated 40 to 60% eventually return to the United States, the highest rate of return among migrant groups in Israel. Moving closer to family is frequently cited as the motivation for this return migration (Waxman, 1989). Those migrants who choose to remain in Israel use

310

L.I. Sigad, R.A. Eisikovits / Journal of Aging Studies 27 (2013) 308–316

various means to connect with their geographically divided families (Sigad & Eisikovits, 2010), with the grandparent– grandchild relationship as the primary axis joining their divergent worlds. Methods In the present article we attempt to capture the multifaceted ways in which transnationalism affects the experiences and perceptions of grandparents engaged in grandparenting across borders. The ethnographic method is particularly suited to such undertakings as it offers a holistic and insider's (emic) perspective (Wolcott, 1994). Participants Our study group is comprised of the North American parents of émigré daughters living in Israel. While our informants reside in their country of origin, they lead transnational lives. Like their daughters living overseas in Israel, the grandparents' social spheres cross national borders since they sustain kinship ties in two countries. The research group consists of 12 American-born grandparents of European Jewish ethnic origin who reside permanently in metropolitan areas on the East Coast of the United States. The members of the group are retired professionals whose ages ranged from 65 to 75 at the time of their interviews. Practical limitations (including the fact that some of the grandmothers in our study group were widows) did not allow for an equal distribution of male and female participants. Partly for this reason, we refer to the grandparents as one group, rather than dividing their views based on gender. Initial gender-based analysis of the interview data did not yield significant differences using this criterion. Nine maternal grandmothers and three grandfathers comprise the sample. Two of the couples are married (four participants) and were interviewed individually; the remainder are seven widowed grandmothers and one widower grandfather (eight participants). Although the number of our grandparent participants is small, it should be noted that with the rise of globalization, there is a definite increase in the volume of grandparents whose lifestyle is impacted by this trend (Banks, 2009; Zhou, 2012). The adult daughters (second generation) and grandchildren (third generation) of our grandparent participants (first generation) live transnational lifestyles that blur the significance of the geographical and cultural boundaries between the countries of origin and residence. The sons-in-law (who are not part of our study) were born and raised in Israel, while the daughters are adult migrants to Israel. All sons-in-law and daughters are collegeeducated professionals. The daughters' migration was motivated by marriage to Israeli-born men and, in part, by their own Zionist sentiments (Sigad & Eisikovits, 2009). The religious observance of the families across the generations ranged from secular to Reform or Conservative Judaism. All members of the migrant families are bilingual and transnational. Some of the families have resided alternately in the United States and Israel. Others have kept Israel as their primary residence, yet make regular family trips to the United States. All currently live in or near a city in northern Israel for most of the calendar year.

The émigré daughters report that their parents are ambivalent about, but did not disapprove of, the decision to migrate (Sigad & Eisikovits, 2009). All grandparents see their grandchildren twice a year for one month at a time, either in Israel or the United States. We selected our second and third-generation participants through snowball sampling (Schensul, Schensul, & LeCompte, 1999) and later added the first generation as a distinct study group. We chose this sampling method because we intended to approach a particular population of transnational families in order to obtain their insiders' perspectives. While there is a risk inherent in this method of recruitment of interviewees by their own acquaintances, it did allow us to locate this hard-to-access population, who maintain social networks within their own communities (Babbie, 2004). Thus, we found snowball sampling to be the most effective method for approaching this population. Data collection The data collection process began with in-depth interviews with two of the participants (one grandmother and one grandfather), who served as key informants. Categories based on the informants' views arose from the in-depth pilot interviews and were used to build an inclusive, culturally informed, semi-structured ethnographic interview guide. The interviews were conducted either in the grandparents' American homes (four interviews) or in the daughters' homes in Israel (eight interviews). The interviews lasted between one and one-and-a-half hours and were transcribed in full by the first author. Guidelines for ethnographic interviews were followed (Spradley, 1979). Data analysis Several readings of the transcripts were followed by an inductive analytic process (Spradley, 1979). Using this procedure allowed us a relatively unbiased interpretation of the transcripts that did not impose a pre-determined structure on the data (LeCompte & Preissle, 1994). In the first stage, the interviews were read several times until the researchers felt familiar and fully involved with the experiences represented in the text. This repeated reading enabled an in-depth familiarity with the participants' cross-cultural grandparenting style. In the second stage, the authors focused on identifying and organizing the units of meaning from the interviews which were relevant to the research topic (Roulston, 2010). In the third stage, we conducted a cross-case analysis in which we condensed segments from each interview until core themes surfaced and saturation was reached (Kvale, 2009; LeCompte & Preissle, 1994). Trustworthiness of the study Ethnographic investigation as a form of qualitative research can be evaluated by the study's trustworthiness (Lincoln & Guba, 2005). The credibility of these studies lies in the various realities drawn from in-depth interviews with the participating transnational grandparents. We demonstrate this credibility by providing both direct participant quotations as well as our analysis, allowing the reader to evaluate our construction of themes (Angen, 2000; Maxwell, 2005).

L.I. Sigad, R.A. Eisikovits / Journal of Aging Studies 27 (2013) 308–316

Therefore, the emphasis shifts from validity to validation: from presenting a finished product to validating the intersubjectivity of the researchers, the readers, and the study (Angen, 2000). The focus in qualitative research is on in-depth subjective analysis of personal experiences rather than on generalizations. That said, such an analysis provides solid exploratory groundwork for heuristic model building upon which studies aimed at rigorous generalizations can be based (Babbie, 2004). Data presentation and analysis The emic themes and the analytic patterns (Wolcott, 1994) that emerged from the data formed the backbone of this investigation. The findings are organized and presented according to four main categories: 1) “She Lives in a Different World” — grandparents' sense of alienation; 2) “There is the Potential for War at Any Moment!” —grandparents' security concerns; 3) “Compared to American Children, She is More Aggressive” — comparing children's behavior in their two transnational spheres; and 4) “They Become Multi-National Kids” — grandchildren achieving global fitness. The grandparents in our study are witnesses to the effects of transnationalism and life in an unfamiliar cultural realm. While variations in presentation or emphasis do emerge, the data reveal overall shared patterns. The major patterns presented here appear in at least 80% of the interviews; we have also noted instances where individuals diverge from the majority pattern. “She Lives in a Different World” — grandparents' sense of alienation Globalization is a universal phenomenon, but for these grandparents it is personal because their closest relatives have moved overseas. While they accept their adult children's decision to live in Israel (Sigad & Eisikovits, 2009), they cannot do so wholeheartedly. They stress the challenges and hardships that this move entails, for them as well as for their children and grandchildren (11/12). This sense of discomfort appears to motivate their financial and logistical support for their daughters' and grandchildren's transnational lifestyle. The grandparents purchase airline tickets for their daughters' entire families, enroll their grandchildren in American summer camps or extra-curricular activities, and provide a continual supply of American consumer products for the children, particularly English language materials (11/12). Hence, grandparents serve as agents of both the linguistic and material aspects of American culture. The data analysis reveals a strong pattern of frustration and disappointment on the part of the grandparents with regard to the form and content of the relationships they have with their grandchildren (9/12). Betty describes her sense of what is missing in the relationship she has with her nineyear-old granddaughter, Yasmine: It is very difficult for me. I miss her all the time, and I want to have what I would call a more normal relationship with her, where I would see her for a couple of days at a time. If she lived close, we would have dinner together. To

311

maintain the relationship, I have to squeeze a year into a few weeks; I find it very frustrating. She lives in a different world. What is important to me would be to attend graduation and birthday parties, all of those things that grandparents like to do. I want to let her know that she is important and show it by being a part of her life. I would like somehow to be a part of her world. Just as transnational children and youngsters fantasize about their other world (Sigad & Eisikovits, 2010), imagining a life in America while living in Israel, Betty imagines a life with her granddaughter close by. She envisions participating in the pivotal events of her granddaughter's life, contrasting the relationship she would like to have with the one she actually has. While she acknowledges spending extended periods of time with her granddaughter, she regards it as a poor substitute for what she feels would be best for her and for her relationship with Yasmine. We sense her experience of cultural alienation, noting that her granddaughter's world is different than her own. She emphasizes those aspects of Yasmine's life in which she cannot partake, seeing them as essential grandmotherly activities of which she has been deprived. Betty recognizes the circularity of the circumstances and that her motivation is not so much about fulfilling her own needs as it is about the importance for Yasmine of having a grandparent who is an integral participant in her life. Her disappointment is acute, and she characterizes her grandmother–grandchild relationship as abnormal. She struggles to adapt her notion of what it means to be a grandmother to the conditions that her daughter's transnational lifestyle has created and is left yearning to be a more regular part of her granddaughter's milieu. Steve and his wife Susan are the grandparents of two transnational grandchildren. Susan remarked that as grandparents, they were lucky to be able to spend a month at a time with their grandchildren during the summers. Steve, however, echoes Betty's frustration: It is not so good, I think, because of both the distance involved and the fact that they are raised in such a different place than the United States. The first thing is that your contact cannot be the same as with a grandchild who is living [in the United States]… I find it extremely difficult, frankly, dealing with grandchildren out of the country. Primarily, it is the distance, but it is not only the distance; there is something greater than that. … I would like to see them more often, and I would like to talk to them intimately, and you can't do that in a long distance call. I like these two kids a lot, and I think I would like them better if I knew them better. I don't know them as well as the other grandchildren, and that is what bothers me! Steve's experience with his other grandchildren is his basis for comparison. Both geographic and cultural distances interfere with the intimacy of the relationship. The geographic challenges to developing and maintaining relationships with grandchildren are common as extended families increasingly disperse far away from one another (Reitzes & Mutran, 2004a). For these grandparents, the cultural challenge compounds the geographic one. A cultural divide requires more time, study, and patience, but may remain insurmountable. While some of the

312

L.I. Sigad, R.A. Eisikovits / Journal of Aging Studies 27 (2013) 308–316

participants, like Steve's wife, appreciate a lengthy visit, Steve and the majority of the participants in our study would prefer ongoing proximity. It appears that these grandparents are perpetually frustrated with the transnational axis around which their daughters' family life revolves. They wish for and imagine the circumstances that would allow them to realize their ideal of grandparenting. They try to navigate the existing situation, while working to overcome the foreignness of their daughters' lives and of this mode of grandparenting. Embracing such an unfamiliar vision of grandparenting troubles them, especially because they have no examples on which to model their behavior. While the grandparents openly express their frustration, they do not articulate the problem that lies under the surface, the fact that their roles were taken from them and that they were not considered in this decision. Grandparenting as they know it, where they know it, would have afforded them an active and socially acceptable role, but this is no longer an option. Here, too, geographic distance exacerbated by transnationalism limits their ability to enact the role of the grandparent. They adapt on a practical level even as their frustration grows.

powerless, realizing that he had little influence over what his adult daughter would choose to do with her family during the hostilities. He conceptualizes his reaction as a sentiment universal to grandparents, thereby providing himself with a rationale for his alarm and also distance from his perception of the dangerous experience of his daughter and grandchildren. Sylvia, grandmother of two of the participating children, looks beyond the immediate danger to the potential long-term impact of the Israeli security situation on her grandchildren's lives:

“There is the Potential for War at Any Moment!” — grandparents' security concerns

Sylvia is reflective and thoughtful. While she speaks composedly, the implications of her analysis are grave. Though she accepts that her daughter and grandchildren live in Israel, she has no illusions about the heavy price her grandchildren may pay in their emotional development. She is concerned about the long-term developmental consequences of continued exposure to a violent situation. In Sylvia's eyes, the situation leaves no citizen untouched. Her grandchildren will be among its victims. These two grandparents are representative of the group and offer different perspectives on this main theme. They worry about the impact that the unstable Israeli security situation may have on their grandchildren's lives. Steve shows his distress over continual impending danger, and Sylvia reflects on the long-term impact on the children. The majority of the grandparents, like Sylvia and Steve, outwardly express their concerns about security threats. Life in Israel is, thus, characteristically different from what they know American childhood to be. Here, too, it is implied that their voices of concern are either disregarded or unspoken. It is something that they must swallow and bear in silence. Frustrated by their inability to protect their kin and knowing that their voices will be ignored, they are marginalized yet again. Not only have their roles as grandparents – as they conceptualize those roles – been taken away from them, but their warning cries as protectors of the younger generation also go unheeded.

Political unrest and security threats are constants in Israeli life, and the grandparents worry about their families' safety (11/12). The Arab–Israeli conflict and the danger of violence dominate the news reporting about Israel in the United States. The participating grandparents are aware that their grandchildren might face physical danger themselves, or lose friends or relatives to violence, and they voice their concerns. Beyond their safety concerns, the grandparents fear that the constant potential for violence in Israel will negatively affect their grandchildren's emotional development (9/12). Steve wants his family to live in security: “It is bothersome that there is a potential of war at any moment. I would be extremely happy for them to live anywhere for as long as they wanted if there was no danger in the world, but there is. There [in Israel] it is an integral part of the country.” Steve recalled his feelings during the time of the Second Lebanon War (2006), when war entered his grandchildren's lives: My daughter is kind of a relaxed person, and I said to her in the middle of the sirens … “What are you doing there, instead of bundling everybody up and taking them to Tel Aviv?”2 That is bothersome to grandparents. It isn't just your child you are thinking about; you are thinking about the grandchildren as well. Are they in some kind of danger? That is the way grandparents think. As Steve recounts the experiences of wartime in Israel, his sense of panic is obvious. He describes his immediate concerns for his entire family – his daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren – and refers to them several times. Steve felt 2 During the Second Lebanon War, in July–August 2006 the North of Israel was subjected to heavy shelling and bombardment. As a result, many residents of the north left their homes, seeking shelter with family and friends in the center and South of the country, out of the range of the fighting.

I don't worry about their safety and security. But I do think that growing up in an environment like Israel where the country is under constant threat is not healthy, and it can create … a kind of trauma, post-traumatic stress that people are not aware of. So I don't worry on a daily basis about the violence, but I am concerned that living in this kind of environment can be very difficult. Knowing kids who have been affected by terrorist attacks or bombings [as her grandchildren do] has to create trauma in a society, and I think that people in Israel can be traumatized living there.

“Compared to American Children, She is More Aggressive” — comparing children's behavior in two countries The grandparents in this study have had numerous opportunities to visit their grandchildren in Israel. They have been frequent observers of the country over many years. The theme of behavioral differences between American and Israeli children was prominent in the grandparents' interviews, as it was in their daughters' and grandchildren's (Sigad & Eisikovits, 2009, 2010). These grandparents have observed their grandchildren in both of their transnational

L.I. Sigad, R.A. Eisikovits / Journal of Aging Studies 27 (2013) 308–316

locales. All of the interviewees perceived differences in child and adult behaviors in the United States and Israel. Most of them see Israelis as more aggressive and less polite than their American counterparts and attribute this distinction to core differences in the two societies. According to Betty, “I think Israeli children are much more aggressive. They have fewer controls that tell them they should wait their turn. But Yasmine is a combination of American and Israeli, and she is much more respectful than the average Israeli child.” Betty openly objects to what she sees as typical Israeli behavior. Nevertheless, she excludes her own granddaughter from this characterization by suggesting that Yasmine's Israeli behaviors are moderated by her American ones. Susan attributes behavioral differences between Americans and Israelis to aspects of the divergent lifestyles of the two nations: “They start school earlier than they do in the United States; they learn how to defend themselves. They learn how to put on their clothes earlier; I think they grow up faster.” Her husband Steve says: “They have to defend themselves; they have to be upfront about things.” In attributing behavioral differences to structural differences like earlier school socialization, Susan and Steve avoid Betty's stereotypical descriptions. Barbara, the grandmother of two American - Israeli transnational girls, believes there is a clear connection between the particular stresses of life in Israel and Israeli behavioral norms: I don't think the behavior of the children [in Israel] is good or bad, just different. I watch parents here [in Israel]. Everyone is always on edge, tense, nervous. As much as they love their children, they are not managing because it is just too much. I am sure that if you checked other nationalities, you would not find such stark difference as you do between Israel and anywhere. As a country, you are so tense, wanting to live every moment right now. The sirens, the things that we consider, Israelis forget two days later. And the children do too, but do they really? … You have to understand the country you are living in. It is amazing that the children are as good as they are. Barbara amplifies the tension and challenges of daily life in Israel by labeling the social environment there as singularly difficult. While she is careful not to condemn, her acceptance of Israeli children's behavior is couched in terms of her deeply negative view of the overall setting. She does not so much accept the children's behavior as excuse it. These grandparents are aware that their grandchildren must adapt as they travel from one transnational locale to the other. The grandparents witness these linguistic and cultural transitions annually, and their accounts are a valuable supplement to the reports of the mothers and children. Betty offered an example of how the children must learn and re-learn certain cultural codes: I think that Yasmine is a fairly well behaved and obedient child. But I think, compared to American children, she is a little bit more aggressive. One time, we were on the bus [in the United States], and we were waiting for our stop and all of a sudden, I lost track of her. She had scooted up in front to get off the bus in front of about 15 people …. Now, an American kid who is as well behaved as she is probably would have waited her turn. I asked her why she

313

did that, and she talked to me about the lines outside her school to buy food, and she said that she learned that in order to get to the front of the line that you kind of have to sneak up quickly, slither in and get in front of people. That is how she learned to do it; that is her adaptation. From this quotation we see that children of two worlds may transfer their schemas from one world to another, and that even the most sensitive children will need to re-learn culturally appropriate behaviors. This example demonstrates what can happen when a mixing of cultural codes occurs. As a grandmother, Betty accepts Yasmine's behavioral habits and explores them in conversation. In doing so, she raises her granddaughter's awareness of the need for continual cultural learning, while offering her another norm to adopt while in the United States. While these grandparents remark on behavioral distinctions between their American-Israeli grandchildren and American youth, they also take pride in their grandchildren's ability to “pass” as locals. Edith is happy to report that an American would never take her granddaughter for a foreigner: “She is just like all the other children here. Nobody would ever know that she lives in Israel.” Likewise, Alan remarked: “They are not looked upon as someone freaky and from some other place.” Appearances are important to the grandparents. They want to be proud of their grandchildren, so the children's adherence to accepted behavioral standards is crucial. These grandparents find some relief from the challenges and complications of transnational family life in that, at least to others, their grandchildren appear to be native-born Americans. It appears that the grandparents continue to cling to concepts of what is normal in an American context and take pride in the fact that their grandchildren are still able to internalize and act upon these American conceptualizations of “normal” behavior. While the participating grandparents have learned that fundamental differences in the two transnational spheres create varying behaviors in their grandchildren, they help their grandchildren negotiate between their two places of being. We learn, however, that the actual differences involved in transnationalism are a source of frustration to them. The appearance of sameness is the only respite the grandparents have in their frustrating challenge. They enjoy a few cherished moments in which their grandchildren are present in the United States and look and act as if they belong. In these moments their grandparenting role is fulfilled as they expected and intended it to be. “They Become Multi-national Kids” — grandchildren achieving global fitness The grandparents in our study feel pride in their grandchildren's linguistic and cultural proficiency, which is much greater than that of the typical American child. However, for these grandparents, while biculturalism is accepted, the American or Anglophone aspects of their grandchild's identity are the ones most greatly valued. As such, their grandchildren's English language proficiency is cultural capital. Their grandchildren's excellent command of English is the principal feature of their ability to fit into both cultures. They see the grandchildren's visits to the United States as an

314

L.I. Sigad, R.A. Eisikovits / Journal of Aging Studies 27 (2013) 308–316

opportunity to enhance the skills that will aid them in a global lifestyle (10/12), where English and multicultural experience are keys to social, educational and professional success (12/12). Edith explains: “English is the main language of the world that everyone communicates in, businesswise and otherwise. Shira will continue using it since it will be to her benefit.” These grandparents feel that their grandchildren must master English because it is the language of international discourse. The participating grandparents make conscious and continual efforts to foster their grandchildren's English language proficiency (10/12). Barbara states: “We work on their English all the time. I am reading with them, making them read. Literature is always provided; no one speaks Hebrew; it is strictly English. I bombard them with books.” Betty noted: “I do everything I can to facilitate the English, I send her books all the time; I pay for her camp in the U.S. when she comes. We make an effort to facilitate the English; we think it is important.” Just as they are sources of love, encouragement, and presents, the grandparents are tutors and educational facilitators. This emphasis is consistent across the generations; the children's mothers are also invested in English learning, and the children cooperate readily in their studies because being excellent English speakers wins them higher status in Israel (Ben-Rafael, 1994; Sigad & Eisikovits, 2010). The grandparents also provide the transnational sojourns that expose the children to the experience of a culture different from their Israeli home, an experience that is also crucial to their future success as global citizens. Sheryl explains: “It is wonderful that they come so often to the United States… they become multi-national kids, and it is a multi-national world today.” For Sheryl, gaining broad skills through cultural exposure is an irreplaceable benefit of the transnational lifestyle. Barbara describes her granddaughters' transnational visits this way: It is an opportunity for them to see and live something different. Understanding different cultures is very important. I think it gives you a completely different perspective on life. When you are young, it might make you different in a way that you don't want to be. As you grow older, that experience makes you a much more cosmopolitan person. You are more understanding and learned on the streets. You can't learn this in books. When Barbara considers her granddaughters' experience of transnationalism, the future benefits of wisdom and sensitivity far outweigh the present experience of an unwanted and unasked for sense of difference. Therefore, despite the distance and pain, these grandparents recognize the unique cosmopolitan qualities that transnationalism has brought to their grandchildren. Grandparents embrace these benefits. Not only are they irrefutably good for their grandchildren, but they also bring them closer to what the grandparents know, so their frustrations are somewhat assuaged. Discussion Migrant groups comprise a broad spectrum of transnational lives (King & Skeldon, 2011) and family relationships. Researchers in the field of migration studies are just

beginning to evaluate the effects of transnationalism on families and familial roles (Castles, 2010). This study has considered how American grandparents perceive their transnational grandchildren's experiences and their own roles in their grandchildren's lives. In-depth interviews offer an understanding of how they respond to this novel form of grandparenting that has been thrust upon them by their daughters' transnational migration. We maintain that their experiences teach us not only about them as transnational grandparents, but also about how older individuals contend with social expectations. The role of the grandparent in family life is changing, a process characterized by great diversity. Our study suggests that the particular circumstances of transnational family migration pose challenges to known and socially accepted grandparenting roles in that there is a change to both the social and cultural codes of what it means to be a grandparent. With their grandchildren absent from the cultural and social matrices in which they themselves live, the grandparents are forced to contend with cultural differences and struggle to acclimate whenever they do find themselves together. These grandparents attempt to make the distant world of their daughters and grandchildren a familiar one. The pressures to know and accept the differences of that world require a shift in their ideas of what it means to be a grandparent. As we have demonstrated, our study group is challenged and disappointed not only by the fact of physical distance, but also by the emotional distance and cultural gaps they perceive between their grandchildren and themselves. Their experience of transnationalism in their own families is colored by deep disappointment. To varying degrees, they shape their own outward behavior as grandparents to facilitate their grandchildren's transnationalism, arguing that transnationalism is an enriching experience for their grandchildren. They emphasize the importance of their grandchildren's Englishlanguage proficiency and broad cultural competence and are active in helping their grandchildren develop and sustain these skills. These grandparents also enjoy the children's acceptance of them as educators in the English language and American culture. In fact, English-language instruction appears to be the one facet of their relationships in which they are more involved in their grandchildren's lives than they would be if their daughters and grandchildren lived in the United States. Perhaps the greatest strain for these grandparents is fear for their grandchildren's safety. They find the security situation and the general atmosphere in Israel far less secure than the perceived relative safety of the United States and attribute the core behavioral differences between Israeli and American children to Israel's ongoing conflicts with its neighbors. While they reveal a superficial cognizance of the adaptations their grandchildren make when transferring from one locale to the other, they are critical of their grandchildren's “Israeli” behaviors. Indeed, it is not clear that the grandparents ever come to a deep understanding of the endless negotiations that the children must conduct, with adults, with their own peers, and even among their own multiple identities (Sigad & Eisikovits, 2010). Our study group echoes the frustrations of other modern grandparents: the grandchildren are far away, and they do not visit often enough (Harwood, 2004). It is important to

L.I. Sigad, R.A. Eisikovits / Journal of Aging Studies 27 (2013) 308–316

acknowledge that distance has become the norm (Reitzes & Mutran, 2004a) among the peers of the grandparents who participated in our study, that air travel is the only feasible means of visiting children and grandchildren, and that telecommunications have become essential to maintaining the relationship between visits (Harwood, 2004). Yearning for close contact is the lot of many grandparents, but we found that for our group, the cultural differences inherent in transnationalism compound the challenges. Although the children are American, they are Israeli as well, and their Hebrew language, Israeli culture, and even their transnational culture add foreign elements to the generation gap between grandparents and grandchildren. While they are not migrants themselves, these grandparents are active, albeit forced, participants in this transnational lifestyle as their lives are to a great extent governed by the imperatives of this mode of existence. As we have seen, they do make significant contributions to their grandchildren's development. Nevertheless, geographic and cultural distances, in addition to the other constraints placed on their relationships with their grandchildren, significantly affect their assessment of the quality of those relationships and hence of their own view of their experiences as grandparents. It appears that the grandparents approach their roles with patience, adjusting their notions of grandparenting to suit the children's transnational reality. Nevertheless, an undercurrent of loss and confusion emerges from their narratives as well. Our study participants do not emphasize themselves or their own activities, but focus instead on the youngest members of society, their grandchildren. The elderly have been and continue to be devalued and stereotyped as weak (Fealy, McNamara, Treacy, & Lyons, 2012; Levy, 2001; Minichiello, Browne, & Kendig, 2000), yet positive interactions with grandchildren have been found to offer the elderly a younger sense of self (Kaufman & Elder, 2003). While “elderly” and “grandparent” are not synonymous, the two groups overlap significantly and share many characteristics (Degnen, 2007; Lundgren, 2010). Transnationalism has altered, and possibly even compromised, their roles. Nevertheless, as we have demonstrated, the grandparents in our study group are indispensable to their grandchildren's ‘global fitness’ (Sigad & Eisikovits, 2010). In this sense their grandparenthood is maintained, albeit impeded, by physical distance and, perhaps even more, by cultural alienation from their children and grandchildren. In this regard, these grandparents differ from many of their peers who have to face only the challenge of physical distance from their grandchildren. Grandparents in a transnational context: forging new ways of being Margaret Mead described grandparents as “immigrants in time” (Mead, 1972) because they, like immigrants in a new country, must adapt to the rules of a changing culture in order to form relationships with their grandchildren. The participants in our study have to act both across space and differing time zones. We propose that the transnational experience presented here makes them like immigrants twice or thrice over in the lives of their nearest kin. Despite their familiarity with and emotional connection to their daughters' adopted country, these grandparents remain outsiders in

315

Israel and therefore profound outsiders in their daughters' and grandchildren's daily lives. The grandparents' role is marked by cultural and geographic barriers between themselves and their transnational grandchildren. This creates a sense of dispossession and much of their discourse revolves around the effort to reclaim a more familiar concept of what it means to be a grandparent. In the face of a profound sense of losing well-known, normative ways of being, these grandparents hesitantly change, increase their own ‘global fitness,’ and forge new ways of being in the global world that has become their family life, part and parcel of the new age.

References Angen, M. J. (2000). Evaluating interpretative inquiry: Reviewing the validity debate and opening the dialogue. Qualitative Health Research, 10(3), 378–398. Babbie, E. (2004). The practice of social research (10th ed.)Belmont, CA: Thomson/ Wadsworth Learning. Banks, S. P. (2009). Intergenerational ties across borders: Grandparenting narratives by expatriate retirees in Mexico. Journal of Aging Studies, 23, 178–187. Ben-Rafael, E. (1994). Language, identity, and social division: The case of Israel. Oxford: Clarendon Press. Castles, S. (2010). Understanding global migration: A social transformation perspective. Journal of Ethnic and Migration Studies, 36(10), 1565–1586. Chiang, L. -H. C. (2008). Astronaut families: Transnational lives of middleclass Taiwanese married women in Canada. Social & Cultural Geography, 9(5), 505–518. Clark, R., Glick, J., & Bures, R. (2009). Immigrant families over the life course: Research directions and needs. Journal of Family Issues, 30(6), 852–872. Da, W. W. (2003). Transnational grandparenting: Child care arrangements among migrants from the People's Republic of China to Australia. Journal of International Migration, 4(1), 79–103. Degnen, C. (2007). Minding the gap: The construction of old age and oldness amongst peers. Journal of Aging Studies, 21, 69–80. Dreby, J. (2006). Honor and virtue: Mexican parenting in the transnational context. Gender and Society, 20(1), 32–59. Fealy, G., McNamara, M., Treacy, M. P., & Lyons, I. (2012). Constructing ageing and age identities: A case study of newspaper discourses. Ageing & Society, 32, 85–102. Glick Schiller, N., Basch, L., & Blanc-Szanton, C. (Eds.). (1992). Towards a transnational perspective on migration: Race, class, ethnicity, and nationalism reconsidered. New York: The New York Academy of Sciences. Harwood, J. (2004). Relational role and social identity as expressed in grandparents' personal web sites. Communication Studies, 55(2), 300–318. Heikkinen, S. J., & Lumme-Sandt, K. (2013). Transnational connections of later-life migrants. Journal of Aging Studies, 27, 198–206. Hondagneu-Sotelo, P., & Avila, E. (1997). “I'm here, but I'm there:” The meaning of Latina transnational motherhood. Gender and Society, 11(5), 548–571. Kaufman, G., & Elder, G. (2003). Grandparenting and age identity. Journal of Aging Studies, 17, 269–282. King, R., & Skeldon, R. (2011). “Mind the gap!” Integrating approaches to internal and international migration. Journal of Ethnic and Migration Studies, 36(10), 1619–1646. King, R., & Vullnetari, J. (2006). Orphan pensioners and migrating grandparents: The impact of mass migration on older people in rural Albania. Ageing and Society, 26(5), 783–816. Kvale, S. (2009). Interviews: Learning the craft of qualitative research interviewing (2nd ed.)Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. LeCompte, M. D., & Preissle, J. (1994). Qualitative research: What it is, what it isn't and how it's done. In B. Thompson (Ed.), Advances in social science methodology, Vol. 3. (pp. 141–163)Greenwich, Connecticut: JAI. Levitt, P., & Jaworsky, N. B. (2007). Transnational migration studies: Past developments and future trends. Annual Review of Sociology, 33, 129–156. Levy, B. R. (2001). Eradication of ageism requires addressing the enemy within. The Gerontologist, 41(5), 578–579. Lie, M. L. S. (2010). Across the oceans: Childcare and grandparenting in UK and Bangladeshi households. Journal of Ethnic and Migration Studies, 36(9), 1425–1443. Lincoln, Y. S., & Guba, E. G. (2005). Paradigms and perspectives in contention. In N. Denzin, & Y. Lincoln (Eds.), Handbook of qualitative research (pp. 183–190) (3rd ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. Lundgren, A. S. (2010). “In the good old days:” Insidious nostalgia and the constitution of old age identity. Journal of Aging Studies, 24, 248–256.

316

L.I. Sigad, R.A. Eisikovits / Journal of Aging Studies 27 (2013) 308–316

Maxwell, J. A. (2005). Qualitative research design: An interactive approach (2nd ed.)Thousand Oaks: Sage. Mead, M. (1972). Blackberry winter. New York: Morrow. Minichiello, V., Browne, J., & Kendig, H. (2000). Perceptions and consequences of ageism: Views of older people. Ageing and Society, 20, 253–278. Nesteruk, O., & Marks, L. (2009). Grandparents across the ocean: Eastern European immigrants' struggle to maintain intergenerational relationships. Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 40(1), 77–99. Orellana, M. F., Thorne, B., Chee, A., & Lam, W. S. (2001). Transnational childhoods: The participation of children in processes of family migration. Social Problems, 48(4), 572–591. Plaza, D. (2000). Transnational grannies: The changing family responsibilities of elderly African Caribbean-born women resident in Britain. Social Indicators Research, 51, 75–105. Reitzes, D. C., & Mutran, E. J. (2004a). Grandparenthood: Factors influencing frequency of grandparent–grandchild contact and grandparent role satisfaction. Journal of Gerontology, 59B(1), 9–15. Reitzes, D. C., & Mutran, E. J. (2004b). Grandparent identity, intergenerational family identity and well-being. Journal of Gerontology, 59B(4), 213–219. Roulston, K. (2010). Reflective interviewing: A guide to theory and practice. London: Sage. Salazar Parrenas, R. (2008). Transnational fathering: Gendered conflicts, distant disciplining and emotional gaps. Journal of Ethnic and Migration Studies, 34(7), 1057–1072. Schensul, S. L., Schensul, J. J., & LeCompte, M. D. (1999). Essential ethnographic methods: Observations, interviews, and questionnaires. Walnut Creek, CA: AltaMira. Schmalzbauer, L. (2008). Family divided: The class formation of Honduran transnational families. Global Networks, 8(3), 329–346.

Sigad, L. I., & Eisikovits, R. A. (2009). Migration, motherhood and marriage: The cross-cultural adaptation of North American immigrant mothers in Israel. International Migration, 47(1), 63–99. Sigad, L. I., & Eisikovits, R. A. (2010). “You can't exactly act American here in Israel!” Identity negotiations of transnational North American–Israeli children and youth. Journal of Ethnic and Migration Studies, 36(7), 1013–1031. Smith, R. C. (2006). Mexican New York: Transnational lives of new immigrants. Berkeley: University of California. Spradley, J. P. (1979). The ethnographic interview. New York: Holt, Rinehart, and Winston. Suarez-Orozco, C., & Suarez-Orozco, M. M. (2001). Children of immigration. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University. Suarez-Orozco, C., Todorova, I., & Louie, J. (2002). Making up for lost time: The experiences of separation and reunification among immigrant families. Family Process, 41(4), 625–644. Tsang, A., Irving, H., Alaggia, R., Chau, S., & Benjamin, M. (2003). Negotiating ethnic identity in Canada: The case of the “Satellite Children”. Youth & Society, 34(3), 359–384. Waxman, C. I. (1989). American Aliyah: Portrait of an innovative migration movement. Detroit, MI: Wayne State University. Werner, P., Buchbinder, E., Lowenstein, A., & Livni, T. (2007). Grandmothers', mothers' and granddaughters' perceptions of grandparenthood: A qualitative analysis of congruence across generations. Journal of Intergenerational Relationships, 5(3), 7–25. Wolcott, H. F. (1994). Transforming qualitative data: Description, analysis, and interpretation. Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications. Zhou, Y. R. (2012). Space, time, and self: Rethinking aging in the contexts of immigration and transnationalism. Journal of Aging Studies, 26, 232–242.