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Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child By Trying Too Hard?
BOOK REVIEWS
Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child By Trying Too Hard? By Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., and Nicole Wise. New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2000, 257 pp., $22.95 (hardcover). The problem of juggling multiple children’s activities, work, and personal time is relevant to a large segment of the population. It is an issue for child and adolescent psychiatrists to address with many families they see professionally and often arises for child and adolescent psychiatrists who are parents. Hyper-Parenting presents many facets of the problem and will be of interest to child mental health professionals both personally and professionally. The authors of this book are Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., an experienced child and adolescent psychiatrist, and Nicole Wise, an award-winning freelance journalist. Dr. Rosenfeld has published 3 books relating to child and adolescent psychiatry and a work of fiction. Ms. Wise has written extensively about family life in a range of national and international publications. The combination of these authors’ backgrounds and their own experiences as parents contributes significantly to making this a thoughtful and readable book. The book is written in a style that is remarkably free of jargon and proves that jargon is not necessary to express complex ideas. The primary thesis of the book is that families who try to micromanage their child’s development may not in fact be acting in the child’s best interest. The incredible schedules undertaken by many families to give their children every possible advantage academically, socially, and athletically can have untoward effects. Also, such schedules are not good for the parents, individually and in their relationship with each other. After describing the problem in chapter 1, Rosenfeld and Wise use examples to which we can all relate. In chapter 2 the authors take a developmental perspective; they discuss the problems facing expectant parents such as the pressure on them to exercise and eat properly and the guilt associated with failing to live up to unrealistic expectations. A thoughtprovoking part of this chapter is the discussion of the possible impact of advances in genetics on whether parents will chose certain characteristics of their future children. Chapter 3, titled “The Right Stuff,” is somewhat reminiscent of a George Carlin comedy routine about how much
“stuff ” we all have and feel we need. There is an entertaining discussion of the array of equipment that can be bought for babies and toddlers such as a rubber duck with a built-in thermometer to determine whether the water is too hot. However, the authors also describe a more serious side of the problem, including the idea that if you buy the correct products you will advance your child’s development. This issue is elaborated upon in chapter 4, which discusses parents’ increasing reliance on “experts” to say what is correct practice, which tends to undermine the parents’ own self-confidence. Chapters 5, 6, and 7 discuss different aspects of the ways parents undertake parenting. There are discussions of the impact of parents’ overinvolvement in a child’s life, the unrealistic expectations of how much the child’s development is advanced by parental efforts, and a discussion of parental attitudes toward winning. Chapter 8 discusses what impact hyper-parenting has on parents, how it comes about, and what can be done about it. The authors contend that this focus on being perfect parents results in parents having little time for themselves. The excellent final chapter ties the whole book together and conveys a sense of what can be changed and puts the problem in perspective. The authors have written an excellent, very readable book. They raise some serious questions but with erudition and humor. If there is any weakness in the book, it is that there is little discussion of why this problem has become so prevalent among a sizable subgroup of our society. The book is relevant to child and adolescent psychiatrists, both personally and professionally. For those who are parents, the book will encourage a degree of self-inspection, even if we discount many of the examples as being too extreme. Professionally, this book can be recommended to parents, who will find much of it useful. Graham J. Emslie, M.D. Professor, Department of Psychiatry University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas
Note to Publishers: Books for review should be sent to Christopher Thomas, M.D., UTMB Department of Psychiatry, 301 University Boulevard, Galveston, TX 77555-0193.
J . A M . A C A D . C H I L D A D O L E S C . P S YC H I AT RY, 3 9 : 11 , N OV E M B E R 2 0 0 0
1459
Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child By Trying Too Hard? By Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., and Nicole Wise. New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2000, 257 pp., $22.95 (hardcover). The problem of juggling multiple children’s activities, work, and personal time is relevant to a large segment of the population. It is an issue for child and adolescent psychiatrists to address with many families they see professionally and often arises for child and adolescent psychiatrists who are parents. Hyper-Parenting presents many facets of the problem and will be of interest to child mental health professionals both personally and professionally. The authors of this book are Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., an experienced child and adolescent psychiatrist, and Nicole Wise, an award-winning freelance journalist. Dr. Rosenfeld has published 3 books relating to child and adolescent psychiatry and a work of fiction. Ms. Wise has written extensively about family life in a range of national and international publications. The combination of these authors’ backgrounds and their own experiences as parents contributes significantly to making this a thoughtful and readable book. The book is written in a style that is remarkably free of jargon and proves that jargon is not necessary to express complex ideas. The primary thesis of the book is that families who try to micromanage their child’s development may not in fact be acting in the child’s best interest. The incredible schedules undertaken by many families to give their children every possible advantage academically, socially, and athletically can have untoward effects. Also, such schedules are not good for the parents, individually and in their relationship with each other. After describing the problem in chapter 1, Rosenfeld and Wise use examples to which we can all relate. In chapter 2 the authors take a developmental perspective; they discuss the problems facing expectant parents such as the pressure on them to exercise and eat properly and the guilt associated with failing to live up to unrealistic expectations. A thoughtprovoking part of this chapter is the discussion of the possible impact of advances in genetics on whether parents will chose certain characteristics of their future children. Chapter 3, titled “The Right Stuff,” is somewhat reminiscent of a George Carlin comedy routine about how much
“stuff ” we all have and feel we need. There is an entertaining discussion of the array of equipment that can be bought for babies and toddlers such as a rubber duck with a built-in thermometer to determine whether the water is too hot. However, the authors also describe a more serious side of the problem, including the idea that if you buy the correct products you will advance your child’s development. This issue is elaborated upon in chapter 4, which discusses parents’ increasing reliance on “experts” to say what is correct practice, which tends to undermine the parents’ own self-confidence. Chapters 5, 6, and 7 discuss different aspects of the ways parents undertake parenting. There are discussions of the impact of parents’ overinvolvement in a child’s life, the unrealistic expectations of how much the child’s development is advanced by parental efforts, and a discussion of parental attitudes toward winning. Chapter 8 discusses what impact hyper-parenting has on parents, how it comes about, and what can be done about it. The authors contend that this focus on being perfect parents results in parents having little time for themselves. The excellent final chapter ties the whole book together and conveys a sense of what can be changed and puts the problem in perspective. The authors have written an excellent, very readable book. They raise some serious questions but with erudition and humor. If there is any weakness in the book, it is that there is little discussion of why this problem has become so prevalent among a sizable subgroup of our society. The book is relevant to child and adolescent psychiatrists, both personally and professionally. For those who are parents, the book will encourage a degree of self-inspection, even if we discount many of the examples as being too extreme. Professionally, this book can be recommended to parents, who will find much of it useful. Graham J. Emslie, M.D. Professor, Department of Psychiatry University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas
Note to Publishers: Books for review should be sent to Christopher Thomas, M.D., UTMB Department of Psychiatry, 301 University Boulevard, Galveston, TX 77555-0193.
J . A M . A C A D . C H I L D A D O L E S C . P S YC H I AT RY, 3 9 : 11 , N OV E M B E R 2 0 0 0
1459