Incest and its meaning: The perspectives of fathers and daughters

Pergamon

Child Abusc&Neglect,Vol. 19, No. 1, pp. 7-24, 1995 Copyright © 1994ElsevierScienceLtd Printed in the USA. All rights reserved 0145-2134/95 $9.50 + .00

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INCEST AND ITS MEANING: THE PERSPECTIVES OF FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS PATRICIA PHELAN Education Program, University of Washington, Bothell, Bothell, WA, USA

Abstract--This article describes incestuous events and the structure of meaning surrounding the events by biologic fathers and stepfathers and biologic daughters and stepdaughters. Using a symbolic interaction framework the study is guided by the thesis that the meanings people attach to incestuousevents are central to understandingthe phenomena of incest. Data were obtained from indepth interviews with 40 men (14 natural fathers and 26 stepfathers) and 44 children ( 18 biologic daughters and 26 stepdaughters). The interviews emphasized fathers' and daughters' recollection of events and their thoughts and interpretations of the incestuous activity while it was occurring. Both fathers and daughters reported that the sexual activity grew out of already existing family interactions. However, fathers and daughters' cognitions surrounding the events differed dramatically. Many of the fathers said their thoughts were dominated by themes of sexual gratification, control, power and anger, and rights and responsibilities vis-h-vis their role as father or stepfather. Daughters reported disbelief, confusion, guilt, and anger. According to fathers, they completely misread their child's reaction to what was happening. Although fathers said that they knew what they were doing was wrong, few reported that they were concerned with possible legal consequences. Key Words Incest, Sexual abuse, Biologic father/daughter incest, Stepfather/stepdaughter incest.

INTRODUCTION THIS A R T I C L E D E S C R I B E S incestuous events and the structure of m e a n i n g surrounding the events by biologic fathers and stepfathers and biologic daughters and stepdaughters. The focus is on the nature of the sexual activity and the ways in which individuals conceptualize, reflect upon, and interpret circumstances, actions, and interactions. The results reported here are part of a larger qualitative study of the process of incest in biologic father and stepfather families (Phelan, 1988). The literature is replete with descriptions of the negative psychological and social consequences of incest to children and adolescents (Adams-Tucker, 1982; Browne & Finkelhor, 1986; Conte, 1985; Fischer, 1983; Herman, 1981; Koverola, Pound, Heger, & Lytle, 1993; Meiselman, 1978; Scott & Stone, 1986). As the incidence and severity of the problem have become evident (Russell, 1986), treatment programs for individuals and families have burgeoned (Giarretto, 1978, 1989; Giarretto & Einfeld-Giarretto, 1990; Lanyon, 1986; MacFarThis article is a revised version of a paper presented at the American Anthropological Association Annual Meeting, Chicago, IL, November 20-24, 1991. The research reported here was supported by funding from the Department of Health and Human Services, National Institute of Mental Health, Grant Number ROIMH39086. The terms father and daughter are used to include the entire sample of both biologic fathers and stepfathers and daughters and stepdaughters except in those cases where differences are found between the two family types. Received for publication January 10, 1992; final revision received August 26, 1993; accepted September 1, 1993. Requests for reprints should be addressed to Patricia Phelan, Education Program, University of Washington, Bothell, 22011-26th Avenue S.E., Bothell, WA 98021. 7

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lane & Bulkley, 1982; Plyer, Woolley, & Anderson, 1990; Wolf, Conte, & Menig, 1988) and specific therapeutic strategies to positively impact the lives of child and adult victims have been developed (Adams-Tucker, 1984; Hayes, 1984; Kelley, 1984; Reposa & Zuelzer, 1983; Roberts & Lie, 1989; Trepper & Barrett, 1986). Likewise, prevention efforts have intensified (Beland, 1986; Conte, Rosen, & Saperstein, 1986; Daro, Duerr, & LeProhn, 1986; Kolko & Moser, 1987, Nelson & Clark, 1986), as researchers and others attempt to understand more fully the risk factors for children and youth (Finkelhor, 1984; Fryer, 1987; Russell, 1986; Sexual Assault Center Clinical Consultation Group, 1984). While numerous attempts to understand incestuous behavior have focused on identifying characteristics of individuals and families (Cohen, 1983; Finkeihor, 1978; Larson & Maddock, 1986; Madonna, Van Scoyk, Jones, & Psych, 1991; Summit, 1983), some researchers have turned their attention to understanding and describing the process of victimization--particularly as efforts to uncover information relevant to prevention efforts become more pressing. For example, the manner in which fathers actually "groom" their daughters for sexual activity has been discussed (Christiansen & Blake, 1990; deYoung, 1981; Herman, 1981; WarnerKearney, 1987), while others have described the victimization process from the perspective of those involved (Berliner & Conte, 1990; Conte, Wolf, & Smith, 1989). The investigation reported here adds to the work of those concerned with the process of victimization. However, unlike most previous efforts, this study includes fathers' and daughters' descriptions of what it was that occurred (i.e., the nature of the sexual activity) as well as their interpretation of events. Further, results are reported by relationship type (e.g., biologic father/daughter and stepfather/stepdaughter). While some research has examined differences in biologic and stepfather families, for the most part, these studies focused on the type of sexual activity (Phelan, 1986; Russell, 1983); regularity and duration (Failer, 1989); number of daughters involved (Phelan, 1986); age of daughter when the incest begins (Phelan, 1986; Westermeyer, 1978); length of time before the child tells, (Failer, 1989); incidence (Gordon, 1989; Russell, 1983); economic and substance abuse problems in the family (Gordon, 1989). To date, cognitions and meanings about incestuous activity as they are related to kinship relationship have been little explored. This study used a symbolic interaction framework and was guided by the thesis that the meanings people attach to incestuous events are central to understanding the phenomena and further, that meanings arise, in part, through the defining activities of father and daughters as they interact. In other words, both fathers and daughters experience events, interpret what they experience, and respond as a result of that interpretation. Although some behaviors are certainly guided by unconscious motivation, this does not preclude the fact that at another level people must ascertain the meaning of the actions of others and map out their own line of action in the light of such interpretation. This study has been concerned with identifying those things that people note (e.g., fathers' perceptions of their daughters' behavior), how they assessed and interpreted what they note (e.g., what they think their daughters' behavior indicates and means), and what kinds of projected lines of action they mapped out as a result (e.g., what they subsequently do). The premise was that meanings are lbrmed, sustained, weakened, strengthened, and transformed through a socially defining process and that such a process consists of making indications to others of what to do and in interpreting the indications made by others (Blumer, 1969).

METHOD The sample of 42 families was obtained in the Child Sexual Abuse Treatment Program (CSATP) in San Jose, California--an outpatient clinic designed specifically to treat incestuous

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families. The results reported here are based on in-depth interviews with 40 men (14 biologic fathers and 26 stepfathers) and 44 children or their therapists (18 biologic daughters and 26 stepdaughters). One biologic father and one stepfather originally agreed to be interviewed and subsequently declined. In the total sample of 42 families, the fathers had involved 53 daughters in sexual activity. There were various reasons nine of the children were unavailable to be interviewed (i.e., the child was being seen by a therapist outside the CSATP; the child declined to be interviewed; the child was no longer in the home, etc.) Eleven of the 40 fathers involved 2 daughters (4 biologic fathers and 7 stepfathers). In three of these families it was the 2 oldest girls and in 8 families the only 2 girls. In the remaining 31 families, 18 fathers (6 biologic and 12 stepfathers) involved the only available daughter and 13 fathers (6 biologic and 7 stepfathers) involved 1 of 2 or more available daughters. Interviews were conducted individually by a member of the research team, which was comprised of two anthropologists and three professional therapists. For the fathers, interviews ranged in length from 2 to 6 hours with the average interview lasting about 2 and 1/2 hours. Interviews with daughters were shorter, ranging from 30 minutes to 3 hours--the average daughter interview was about 90 minutes. Interviews with the therapists about eight of the daughters were about an hour. The emphasis of the interviews was on obtaining father's and daughter's recollection of events, and their thoughts and interpretations of the incestuous activity while it was occurring. The fact that the informants were in a treatment program makes it likely, at least to some extent, that what they said was influenced by treatment. While there is no way of knowing the nature of this influence, almost all fathers and daughters had been in the treatment program for less than a year at the time they were interviewed. Their responses do not appear to vary by length of time in treatment. Only 1 of the 40 fathers denied that the incest had occurred.

The Sexual Activity and Its Progression The children ranged in age from 2 to 14 when they were first approached by their fathers (average age 8.7 by biologic daughters' reports and 9.4 by stepdaughter reports). The average age of fathers was 34.6 (they were from 24 to 53 years old according to fathers' reports). Both fathers and daughters said that the incest progressed slowly over time with increasingly more serious types of sexual activity occurring. When the father did not move beyond fondling, the fondling itself became more involved (fondling of daughter's breasts, then her genitals, to the father having the daughter fondle his genitals). Only five fathers and three daughters reported that the incest was a one-time-only occurrence. In contrast, 9 fathers and 11 daughters reported that the sexual activity progressed to full intercourse or partial vaginal penetration (nearly 25% of the sample). With respect to types of sexual activity there were no statistical differences between biologic fathers and stepfathers. As might be expected, the most common sexual activity reported by these informants (37 fathers and 40 daughters) was the father fondling the daughter. Eighteen fathers and 20 daughters said that once the sexual activity became established and patterned, the fondling occurred once a week or more often. With respect to other sexual activities, 18 daughters said that they had to fondle their biologic father or stepfather. Fathers reported this activity with 16 daughters. Fathers said they involved 6 daughters in acts of fellatio and 13 daughters in cunnilingus, whereas 10 daughters reported having to perform fellatio and 18 reported cunnilingus. Only one father reported fellatio occurring weekly or more often, while eight daughters said it happened at least once a week. Likewise, nine daughters but only two fathers reported cunnilingus happening weekly or more often. (A detailed paried comparison of father's and daughter's reports with respect to type of sexual activity, duration, and frequency is beyond the scope of this article and will be reported separately.)

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Most fathers initiated sexual activity with their daughters using nonverbal means as an extension of routine family activity. Since each f a m i l y ' s routine was somewhat different the approach patterns varied, but in almost all cases (36 of 42 families) the incest began as part of already existing and, generally speaking, culturally normative family interactions. For example, the father might enter the child's room at night to check on the covers and in so doing touch her breast. Or playful wrestling began to include handling of genitalia. Or watching T V and cuddling extended from r u b b i n g the c h i l d ' s back or thigh to rubbing the breast or genitals. In other words, the first sexual advance in both biologic father and stepfather households extended from behavior that was already established and patterned within the family. There was little discrepancy between fathers' and daughters' reports of the circumstances of the initiation of the sexual activity. However, differences emerge in the interpretation of the events. No daughters reported initiating the activity or e n j o y i n g what was happening. Instead, the daughters spoke about being confused, experiencing disbelief that sexual advances were actually being made, and distaste for what occurred. O n the other hand, 23 of 40 fathers and stepfathers said that the child either initiated the sexual activity and/or enjoyed it. Fathers' descriptions of the first sexual approach suggested that their misinterpretation of what the daughter was thinking (or their rationale) frequently stemed from the subtlety of their a c t i o n s - - t h e timing, the touch, the eye contact are all explicitly calculated so as not to elicit an overt negative response on the part of the child. A n d because the daughters experienced confusion and disbelief they were hesitant to react. In other words, they mistrust their own interpretation of the events. Also any overt negative reaction on the part of the child caused m a n y of these m e n to pull back or w i t h d r a w - - t h a t is, until another opportunity was found. It appeared as if this subtle start on the part of the fathers inhibited the children from telling anyone. For example, daughters reported not k n o w i n g for sure if it was a " s l i p of the hand or an intentional t o u c h . " The following quotes exemplify fathers' descriptions of the b e g i n n i n g of the activity. Stepfather: My daughter would come in in the morning and climb in bed with us (he and his wife). One day she came in and said the same thing, "Hi, how ya doing?" My wife was gone (had already left for work) and I started molesting her. At first it involved fondling and cuddling, (later) I became more aggressive sexually. Stepfather: (The context was wrestling.) It was okay because she was a kid, but she started not being a kid and I felt her boobs a couple of times by accident and I got turned on. . . . We played some more again later and I would touch her again, but just playing all the time, wrestling, all we ever did was wrestle. . . . For a long time I denied that I even felt sexual with her, it was not really happening. Stepfather: (The child was sick and watching TV with her stepfather on the sofa.) She was complaining about being hot and I asked her if she would like me to put some lotion on her. She said, "yes," so I did. It started out frankly as a very innocent thing and ended up just exploring as much as I could explore. I just kept going and she didn't stop me. She didn't say no, don't do that, or anything else. Stepfather: It started with backrubs and the best way to cool off in Southern California is to strip down and turn the fan on and lay on the waterbed without the heater going. The girls would come in and we'd do backrubs and things like that. (One time) instead of rubbing the back I started going down the sides and around the front, massage the whole body instead of just the back. I tried once with the second stepdaughter and she said, "No." But my first stepdaughter couldn't say no. Biologic Father: (Daughter is in her parent's bedroom. Mother is out of the house.) She was rubbing my back and she said, "You rub my back." And I rubbed her back. I just continued. Stepfather: My wife suggested that I read to the girls in the evening because it was something special to do. So I'd go in and read to my stepdaughter and daughter. We'd sit on the bed and prop up a bunch of pillows. This went on for a while until one night, my stepdaughter wanted her back tickled, something my wife used to do to the kids-just feathery touching. So I did that. It gets into one of these cases that I shouldn't be doing this. I wasn't very comfortable being in the girls' room reading to them and yet it seemed like I should be doing it, I should be their dad and getting close to them and giving an extra amount of attention and affection. Over a period of time I thought

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that my stepdaughter had taken my hand and moved it to someplace it shouldn't be and I continued on and let it happen. Stepfather: When she would come to me for something I would hug her and then I would put her to bed, I would give her a goodnight kiss, another hug, and then little-by-little I started touching her and caressing her and l found her more affectionate all the time. I started caressing her under her dress and stuff like that, inside her panties, and stuff like that. Stepfather: We'd sit down and do homework and she had chickenpox. I put the medicine all over her body. She was very embarrassed about it. I said, "Why be embarrassed, I'm your parent" She didn't have to be embarrassed about me. Biologic Father: (On weekends) I liked to fry bacon, so I would start frying, so I would go into her bedroom, talk to her, wake her up, sit in there and talk to her, go back and turn the bacon. I started rubbing her back and stuff and it expanded from there. It was mostly just rubbing her back and legs. I didn't touch her breasts or genitals very often, that was rare. Biologic Father: The way it actually started was reading to her at night. Sometimes I would sing to the children at night when I put them to bed and I would feel her when I read to her. Initially she was lying down under the cover-stroking and massaging was what it was. It was like I was fighting myself, not wanting to do what I was doing, but not being able to stop myself. D a u g h t e r s ' r e p o r t s o f t h e b e g i n n i n g o f t h e s e x u a l a c t i v i t y w e r e o n t h e w h o l e m u c h less e l a b o r a t e t h a n t h e i r f a t h e r s ' . T h i s in p a r t w a s c o n t i n g e n t o n t h e a g e o f t h e c h i l d ( y o u n g e r c h i l d r e n w e r e l e s s a b l e t o t a l k a b o u t t h e d e t a i l s ) as w e l l as t h e e f f o r t s b y m a n y c h i l d r e n to forget what happened. Specific information on the contextual circumstances of the father's first a p p r o a c h w a s o b t a i n e d f r o m o n l y 16 o f t h e 3 6 c h i l d r e n i n t e r v i e w e d . T h e t h e r a p i s t s w h o were interviewed about the younger children had not obtained the details and circumstances o f t h e s e x u a l a c t i v i t y ( w h e r e it h a p p e n e d , w h a t t h e f a t h e r said, w h a t t h e c h i l d thought, etc.). F o r t h e r e m a i n i n g c a s e s , n i n e c h i l d r e n s a i d t h e y d i d n ' t r e m e m b e r t h e first a p p r o a c h a n d e i g h t s a i d it w a s t o o d i f f i c u l t to t a l k a b o u t . F o r e x a m p l e : Interviewer: Can you tell me about the first time? Child: Don't remember. It was when my brother was first born. I hated my aunt, hated my brother. Bloody thing everybody giving him attention. So I was up there with my aunt, and it was on the way home in the truck. He put his finger on me there. Interviewer: Down here? (she points to vaginal area) Child: Yeah. Interviewer: Do you remember what you were thinking? Child: Nothing. I didn't want to think and he told me he was seeing if I was grown up. Interviewer: Did you say anything? Child: No. I didn't want to. Other children's descriptions of the beginning of the incest exemplify their confusion and distaste for their fathers' sexual advances. Biologic Daughter: Just one night I woke up and he was just fondling me. I remember I woke right up. The next day I went to school and I felt sick 'cause I could not believe it happened. Biologic Daughter: I didn't know the first time if what he was doing was right or wrong. Stepdaughter: The first time I didn't know it was wrong and then it was confusing and then I knew it was wrong,

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Stepdaughter: I remember exactly how it started. He was reading this book to me and my stepsister. She was older. He was reading this story and he was tickling our stomachs and he started fumbling my breasts. I hated it, I pushed him away. He was reading and touching at the same time. Stepdaughter: Well I thought it was very normal because I did whatever he said, because he was my father. I didn't know what was right or wrong. The first time he approached me, he called me into the room. I was watching cartoons. He called me in and said, "lay down beside me," and I said, "okay," because I was cold and I didn't have any sox on. I was in my pajamas and my room was off shopping with Kathy. And then he would start like, "my tummy hurts, would you rub it for me," and then he would tell me to go lower and lower and that's when it first started. And then he started using that excuse, over and over. Stepdaughter: It would be at night in my bedroom in my bed. I was on the top bunk . . . . And he would come in my room and he would pull up my nightgown and he'd start touching my breasts and down here (points to vaginal area) and I would like move around. Stepdaughter: It started out when he would just put his hand down my shirt like when we were coming home from the skating rink. He would just feel my breasts. For the children, the pain of remembering was manifest. Questions about how they were f e e l i n g w h e n t h e first a p p r o a c h w a s m a d e o r w h a t t h e y t h o u g h t a b o u t , i n a l m o s t all c a s e s e l i c i t e d a n s w e r s of, " I d o n ' t k n o w , " I d i d n ' t t h i n k , " " I f e l t c o n f u s e d , " " I d i d n ' t u n d e r s t a n d . " A s t h e s e x u a l a c t i v i t y p r o g r e s s e d , t h e f a t h e r ' s i n t e n t i o n s b e c a m e less a m b i g u o u s a n d t h e r e w a s i n c r e a s e d v a r i a t i o n i n v e r b a l a n d n o n v e r b a l p a t t e r n s . O n l y five f a t h e r s r e p o r t e d t h r e a t e n i n g their daughters (one biologic father and four stepfathers) by telling the child that they (the f a t h e r s ) w o u l d g o to j a i l , t h e p a r e n t s w o u l d m o s t c e r t a i n l y g e t d i v o r c e d , o r t h e f a m i l y w o u l d lose their home. Similarly, only one biologic father and two stepfathers reported bribing their c h i l d r e n w i t h t h e p r o m i s e o f s p e c i a l p r i v i l e g e s a n d treats. B e l o w a r e s o m e e x a m p l e s o f t h e verbal interactions reported by the fathers. Biologic Father: At first she was shocked. Neither of us said anything. The next couple of times it happened she said, "Don't," and I told her it was all right. She allowed me to do it. I remember one time she was sitting there and she said, "You're sick, you need help," and I said, "Yes, I know, but I don't want to do anything about it." She said that a couple of times. Biologic Father: One time I think I told her that if she ever felt the need to tell somebody to let me know and I would step forward. Both of my daughters said, "No, don't do that." I didn't threaten them, I just persisted to get them to cooperate. Biologic Father: I told her not to tell anybody. I told her I'd go to jail and, "your mother and I will get a divorce." Biologic Father: I told her I was sorry. I told her it was natural to have intercourse, that it would probably hurt a little bit but it would give her pleasure too. She asked me, "Is that what intercourse is?" She would say, "Hurry up and get this over with." I asked her to fondle me and have oral sex with me but she didn't do it. I did have oral sex with her. I remember asking her if there was any questions she had or if she wanted to say anything and she would shrug her shoulders or shake her head. I knew she was enjoying this because she would orgasm and lubricate. Stepfather: A lot of times she wouldn't talk and I'd say well, "What do you think of this?" And she wouldn't describe her feelings. I would say, "How does this feel or how does that feel?" and she wouldn't talk very much about what was going on. She seemed to accept it and it would be okay for her as far as she was concerned. I told her, "If you feel bad or something, if you feel you need to talk, talk to me or your mother first--talk to us first." Stepfather: With my older stepdaughter I'd tell her that if she said anything about the molest I'd tell her mother about all her little sexual acts and that she was quite active. She was worried about this. O n l y 14 o f t h e 4 0 f a t h e r s r e m e m b e r e d a n y t h i n g b e i n g s a i d b e f o r e o r d u r i n g t h e t i m e t h a t the sexual activity occurred. The remaining said silence surrounded the events. According to t h e s e m e n , t h e y d i d n o t a t t e m p t to t a l k t h e i r c h i l d r e n i n t o p a r t i c i p a t i n g . R a t h e r , t h e y s a y t h a t n o n v e r b a l m e a n s w e r e u s e d to i n i t i a t e t h e s e x u a l a c t i v i t y , a n d f o r t h e m o s t p a r t , to m a i n t a i n it. T h e i r r e p o r t s s u g g e s t e d t h a t t h e i n c e s t w a s e m b e d d e d in a m i l i e u o f n o n v e r b a l c u e s a n d

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messages. E v e n less frequent, they said, was talk about what happened between the sexual episodes. In only two cases did fathers and daughters report that a discussion took place about what was happening and whether or not the sexual activity should continue.

Fathers Cognitions The fathers were questioned in detail about what they could r e m e m b e r thinking as the incest began and while it was taking place. Although there was a great deal of variation in the father's descriptions, there were also commonalities.

Sexual Gratification In particular, 27 of the 40 fathers, slightly over 2/3 of the m e n in this study, explicitly refered to sexual gratification or sexual curiosity as a primary thought or motivating factor. This was true of both biologic fathers and stepfathers. Recently, the literature and m a n y persons within the therapeutic c o m m u n i t y have de-emphasized the importance of sex as a motivating factor for child sexual abuse. For example, Giarretto (1989) maintains that sexual abuse by fathers is self-destructive behavior emanating from some form of childhood abuse in the fathers' histories. He believes that these m e n have an unconscious need to maintain the selfhate syndrome that they learned in their families of origin and that " s e x u a l l y a b u s i n g " their o w n children is the means by which they continue to hurt themselves. Therefore, sexual gratification was not viewed as the primary motivating factor for m e n who involve their own children in sexual activities. Certainly sex for all persons involves a variety of motivations and the fulfillment of a variety of needs other than merely sexual ones, for example, the need for closeness, security, love, affection, and so forth. Perhaps too, it is possible that m e n in this society tend to sexualize needs more generally than do women. For example, the need for closeness may be perceived by m e n as the need to have sex. Nevertheless, it seems likely as Finkelhor (1984, pp. 3 4 - 3 5 ) suggests that, " S e x u a l abuse does have a sexual c o m p o n e n t , " and " A l o n g with nonsexual motivations, it does need to be taken into a c c o u n t . " The information obtained from these fathers about what they were thinking certainly supports F i n k e l h o r ' s contention of a " s e x u a l c o m p o n e n t " to child sexual abuse. These m e n reported that sex was a prominent conscious motivational factor for engaging in the activity. Further, 27 of the fathers described their thoughts at the time as being concerned with sexual gratification. Biologic Father: To me it felt good, I was getting pleasure out of it, that's why l did it. Stepfather: It involved fondling and cuddling. I became more aggressive sexually. It was transposed into a physical n e e d . . , initially it was just fondling and touching. As it progressed it got where 1 would keep the cycle going until 1 ejaculated and once again it was more physical than emotional. Biologic Father: I started seeing her as an adult woman. I saw her as a sexual being other than a child. Biologic Father: I thought about what she's going to look like when she's a teenager. I did it to relieve myself at the time. . . . What I wanted to do was have sexual intercourse with her. That was what 1 was thinking about. Stepfather: I said to myself, if ! play my cards right I can have my stepdaughter too (in addition to his wife). All it was was sex, that's all it was. There was no love, no feelings, there was no nothing--it was just sex and that's all it was. Stepfather: I sought sexual relief and satisfaction, though in the end I would fantasize 1 was having an affair with somebody, maybe a second wife or something, or a lover. I would see her that way. Biologic Father: I think I was thinking about sexual gratification. . . .

I got sexual release of tension.

Stepfather: I found it very sexually stimulating, very playful. Stepfather: It was mechanical. I just wanted to have a blow job. There were no feelings or anything like that.

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Control, Power, Anger T h e m e n also d e s c r i b e d o t h e r t h o u g h t s at the t i m e the s e x u a l a c t i v i t y t o o k place. Interestingly, n i n e o f the stepfathers t a l k e d s p e c i f i c a l l y a b o u t w a n t i n g to h a v e c o n t r o l o r p o w e r o v e r the c h i l d r e n or b e i n g a n g r y w i t h them. N o n e o f the b i o l o g i c fathers talked in t h e s e terms.

I thought I could control my stepdaughter--not about minding me but about getting close to her. 1 think the molest was trying to get power over her. A power struggle--I've got to control her, I'm not functioning as a father, I can't do it as a father. I've got to have the power over her to make her do the right thing. I fought her tooth and nail all the way and it ended up in a molest, a power struggle . . . . I think the real pleasure was that I was dominant over her. Do what I want or I'm not going to let you do what you want, and that way 1 would justify letting her go off and do what she wants to do. I was molesting her to get the power to make her do what I wanted her to do. At that very moment, there was some (sexual) excitement, but it was also power and control over another female in a sexual situation . . . . I remember saying to myself, "This person is not 10 years old, it is an adult-size body--a female that I have control over." I figured my daughter wouldn't upset me so much if she loved me. Most women that love me bend to my way-most girls that I have been in love with went to my way of thinking. I molded those people and that's what I was trying to do with my stepdaughter. I was taught to put the fear of God in a child. That's what I did with my stepdaughter... I wanted her to be respectful of me. I wanted a response. I wanted some type of response to me besides a strictly negative response . . . . I thought when it first started that this is the way to get a response out of my stepdaughter. I was angry at her. There was a lot of hostility towards her, a lot of fights in the house. 1 wasn't able to have her do the things I thought she was supposed to be doing--like her chores. She wasn't doing her chores enough to satisfy me. She wasn't being a nice little girl, that a perfect little girl is supposed to be.

"In Love" With Daughter A l t h o u g h s e v e n fathers ( t w o b i o l o g i c fathers and five stepfathers) say that t h e y c o n f u s e d s e x u a l i n v o l v e m e n t w i t h l o v i n g the child, o n l y t w o fathers ( o n e b i o l o g i c father and o n e stepfather) a c t u a l l y d e s c r i b e " b e i n g in l o v e " w i t h the d a u g h t e r .

Rights and Responsibilities A n i m p o r t a n t t h e m e that e m e r g e s f r o m the data is the f r e q u e n t l y i m p l i c i t a s s u m p t i o n on the part o f t h e s e fathers that t h e y had special and u n i q u e " r i g h t s " b a s e d on their status as " f a t h e r . " A n d in fact, a l m o s t all o f the fathers stated that h a v i n g s e x u a l c o n t a c t w i t h a child o u t s i d e o f the f a m i l y w o u l d be a m u c h g r a v e r o f f e n s e b e c a u s e as o n e m a n e x p l a i n e d , " T h e c h i l d w o u l d not b e my c h i l d . " T h i s is an i n t e r e s t i n g finding p a r t i c u l a r l y g i v e n the fact that the fathers in this s a m p l e w e r e all i n v o l v e d in the legal c o n s e q u e n c e s o f their actions and had e x p e r i e n c e d a v a r i e t y o f s e v e r e social sanctions, that is, loss o f j o b , b r e a k u p o f f a m i l y , a n g e r and d i s a p p r o v a l o f e x t e n d e d f a m i l y and friends, and so forth. N e v e r t h e l e s s , t h e y not o n l y report t h i n k i n g r e t r o s p e c t i v e l y that their role as f a t h e r w a s s o m e h o w " p r i v i l e g e d " but c o n t i n u e to m a i n t a i n that s e x u a l l y a p p r o a c h i n g a c h i l d o u t s i d e the f a m i l y was m u c h m o r e serious than w h a t t h e y did. Biologic Father: I would have problems with that (molesting a child outside f a m i l y ) . . , it would be interfering with the parent's right to raise the kids the way they wanted to raise them. So I would never have considered approaching somebody else's child . . . . I guess the biggest thing to me is the right of other parents to raise their children the way they want to. Biologic Father: I guess I was feeling, it was all right, "'it's

my daughter, I've got all the rights."

Incest and its meaning

15

Stepfather: It doesn't seem like child abuse, it seems more like incest because it was a family problem. Child molest is a public problem with violence, you force someone. It's worse when someone molests a child out of the family. It's not a family thing. Stepfather: I would go back to lay on my bed and think, God, what a jerkoff, you're a shit, you're molesting your daughter, you can go to prison for this. But then I thought about back home, nobody goes to prison for messing around with a kid, unless you mess around with somebody else's k i d - - t h a t ' s when you go to prison where I'm from. As long as it was in your family nobody gave a shit. Biologic Father: It's worse if you molest a neighbor's child, because the neighbor's child would not be related to m e - - s h e ' s not m y daughter.

Related to father's thoughts about their rights with respect to "their children" is information on how long the stepfathers had been in the household prior to beginning the sexual activity. In this sample, six of 26 stepfathers had lived with the child's mother for 9 to 10 years prior to approaching their stepdaughter, three had been in the household from 7 to 8 years, three for 5 to 6 years, eight for 3 to 4 years, and four for 1 to 2 years. Only two stepfathers had lived with the child's mother for less than 1 year. All of the stepfathers reported that the idea of engaging their stepdaughter(s) in sexual activity did not occur until well after they were a part of the family. While we have no way of ascertaining the accuracy of their reports, according to these men, they did not marry with the idea of gaining sexual access to a child but rather, waited until the child was perceived as theirs.

What Fathers Thought Daughters Were Thinking Another way of exploring the father's cognitions surrounding the incest was to have them reflect on what they thought the child was experiencing during the time that the sexual activity took place. Their descriptions suggest that their interpretation of their daughter's thoughts and feelings was very important in their decision to continue the activity. Six of the fathers (one biologic father and five stepfathers) presumed that the child was asleep and therefore unaware of what was happening. In five of these cases the children said they were n o t really asleep but would try to make themselves believe it was not really happening by not moving or opening their eyes. Five of these fathers said that when their daughter reported the incest it was a "shock" since they had assumed that the child was asleep. At the same time, these fathers' descriptions indicate some ambiguity about their awareness of the daughters' wakefulness. Biologic Father: My whole contention up until the last night she opened her eyes and said something to me was that she was asleep. It came to a point where I actually planned it . . . . On nights when my daughter was deeply asleep I could do just about a n y t h i n g - - s h e became a rag doll. I could move her around and pull blankets down and roll her onto her back . . . . I didn't think she was aware of anything until the last night. I thought it would not affect her because she was asleep, not aware, therefore not a lot of damage. Stepfather: For the most part I thought she was asleep. If I thought she was awake by her moving then I would think she was awake and it bothered her and I would leave. One time she got up and left the room and came b a c k - - w e n t to the b a t h r o o m - - a n d I remember thinking she wasn't being bothered, maybe she wasn't being troubled, I don't know. She might have been awake, I remember thinking that. Stepfather: Most of the time it was spur of the moment. Every now and then 1 would plan it. I didn't care whether she was sound asleep or not. I would wake up and I would feel bad about waking up my wife to have sex, so I would wander the halls and a couple of times my daughter did have bad dreams. I would go in and rub her back or stomach. Sometimes I think it was because she upset me the night before. She'd be asleep or faking sleep and there was never a response. Stepfather: 1 truly thought she was sound asleep, because she's a hard person to wake up . . . . damaging to her, it never occurred to me that was possible.

I never thought it was

16

P. Phelan

Stepfather: In actuality with Laurie I had really thought that she had no idea it was ever going on at night, really d i d n ' t - - i n fact, with Sharon too, it really kind of surprised me that there were times that both of them said that they were awake. O n e o f t h e m o s t s t r i k i n g f i n d i n g s w a s t h a t o v e r h a l f o f t h e f a t h e r s a n d s t e p f a t h e r s (21 o f 40) explicitly reported thinking that the daughters enjoyed what was happening although s t a t e m e n t s f r o m t h e c h i l d r e n i n d i c a t e d o t h e r w i s e . T h e f a t h e r s m i s c o n s t r u e d ( a c c o r d i n g to t h e d a u g h t e r s ) p a r t i c u l a r b e h a v i o r s o r l a c k o f o v e r t n e g a t i v e r e s p o n s e s n o t o n l y as a c q u i e s c e n c e b u t as p o s i t i v e p a r t i c i p a t i o n . F u r t h e r , 12 o f t h e s e f a t h e r s s u g g e s t e d t h a t t h e d a u g h t e r s a c t u a l l y i n i t i a t e d t h e a c t i v i t y . N o n e o f t h e s e 12 d a u g h t e r s c o n c u r r e d . Stepfather: In the summer she wore nightgowns and she was a sound sleeper. I could do with her when she was sound asleep almost anything I wanted. She was very cooperative. Stepfather: My stepdaughter is a very physical child. She would hug and sit on you, pet your head. One day we were wrestling, afterwards she sat on my lap and kissed me on the mouth and put her tongue in mine (daughter was 6 years old). Stepfather: She was really enjoying it. She accepted it. She thought it was a game--enjoying it as a game but nothing serious. Stepfather: I was in bed asleep and she crawled in bed with me and cuddled right up. I accept that she wanted me. I didn't initiate that action. There are some instances when she was the initiator, she was not uncooperative. I think she responded more openly to the stimulation than to desire. We never had any sort of conversation. If she had responded by telling me to stop or had physically pushed my hand away or had started to cry, but she just laid there and looked me right in the face, there was no negative vibration at all. I took this as an acceptance of what I was doing. Stepfather: I would be watching TV or something and she'd come in bed with me and she would start manipulating and fondling. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it. If she didn't want it she would say no. Biologic Father: The thought crossed my mind several times--you're a tease--you're damn aware of what you're doing--you're aware of what you are doing to me. Biologic Father: For me the most exciting thing that ever happened to me was when my daughter approached me. To have someone want me and instigate it was something I had never felt before. Stepfather: ! rationalized it that my stepdaughter was very accepting of it all. In fact, she seemed to encourage it. I wasn't doing this for my pleasure, I was doing it for her pleasure. Stepfather: I would go in and say goodnight to my stepdaughter. I'd kiss her on the cheek, "See you in the morning," and I got the impression that she was giving me a signal or some indication. . . . She'd put he~ arms around my neck and she would hold me to her and she would hold me down. Stepfather: She wouldn't describe her feelings. I would say, "'How does this feel or how does that feel?" and she wouldn't talk very much about what was going on. She seemed to accept it and it would be okay for her as far as she was concerned. S i n c e all o f t h e c h i l d r e n r e p o r t e d n e g a t i v e r e a c t i o n s t o t h e s e x u a l a d v a n c e s it is n o t e w o r t h y h o w f r e q u e n t l y t h e f a t h e r s e i t h e r m i s r e a d t h e c h i l d r e n ' s r e s p o n s e s o r w e r e u n a b l e t o see, s e n s e o r feel t h e i r d i s c o m f o r t , p a i n a n d d i s t r e s s e m a n a t i n g f r o m t h e i n c e s t .

Fathers' Definitions of Activity and Thoughts About Consequences O n e o f t h e m o s t c o n t r o v e r s i a l d e b a t e s i n d i s c u s s i o n s a b o u t c h i l d s e x u a l a b u s e is t h e r e l a t i o n ship between stringent legal sanctions and prevention. In other words, do harsher laws and t h e t h r e a t o f s e v e r e l e g a l c o n s e q u e n c e s s e r v e as a d e t e r r e n t t o c h i l d s e x u a l a b u s e ? T h e r e f o r e , u n d e r s t a n d i n g w h a t f a t h e r s t h o u g h t w i t h r e s p e c t to p o s s i b l e d i s c o v e r y is o f p a r t i c u l a r i m p o r tance. In this study, 29 of 40 fathers (nearly 3/4 of the men) explicitly talk about their awareness that what they were doing was wrong either from a moral, marital, or legal standpoint. However,

Incest and its meaning o n l y 13 s a i d t h e y s p e c i f i c a l l y t h o u g h t being primarily were morally

concerned

17

about the legal ramifications.

that their wife would

The remaining

described

find out or feeling guilty that their activities

(rather than legally) reprehensible.

Biologic Father: 1 knew what it was. I was molesting my daughter. What I was doing to my daughter is a very strong taboo in our society and I was aware of it and yet it continued . . . . I knew it was wrong. I persisted in it. Consciously I know the r e a s o n s - - i t was pleasurable . . . . I remember thinking one night, "this is crazy. Are you aware of what you're going to sacrifice when you get c a u g h t - - y o u r business, your retirement, your loving wife." Yes, I was aware of what could happen if I got caught. I read Dear Abby letters from child molesters, warning readers about ending up in jail. I would think, "'This is m e . " Stepfather: I began to think, " W h a t ' s going to happen if my daughter says anything?" I had never talked with her about this, so that fear started. With the school year starting that intensified because there is a lot more opportunity-teachers and so o n - - f o r her to say something. I didn't fear something would happen to me legally. I certainly had fears if my wife found out. The law didn't enter my mind. I was afraid my wife would kick me out of the house or divorce m e - - t h a t kind of f e a r - - n o t h i n g to do with the legal system. The thought would come into my mind, "'Is she going t o - - w h e n is she going to tell?" not "Is she going to tell?," but "'When is she going to tell?," and "'What is my wife's reaction going to be?" It got to the point where 1 was almost paranoid. Biologic Father: I didn't realize the legal standpoint of it until I was watching something on TV . . . . Usually when these programs came on I turned them off. I just couldn't handle it. You know, I knew that I'd done this myself and 1 would just sit there and listen to it. Anytime somebody would talk about it I'd change the subject or leave the room or something. I heard the guy on TV say something about serving a year in prison and I said, "Whoa, wait a second, this is punishable by prison?," and I started hearing a little bit more about the fact that it was an illegal offense and just how legally wrong it was. I always knew it was morally wrong, which is why I was going completely bananas because of my religious affiliation, but I didn't even know it was illegal. The ultimate that I figured would happen was I'd be removed from the church and I would lose my family, and to me those are the two worst things that could happen. Stepfather: I was worried my wife would find out. I knew it was against the law. ! never dreamed I'd go to prison. Stepfather: I was thinking there was something wrong, something that was not right but in the meantime I was enjoying it. Stepfather: I knew if I ever got caught, if she ever said anything I'd go to prison for life. This was scary but not scary enough to stop. I was scared to death if my wife found out what would happen to me. She always said, " I f anybody ever touches my daughters there is going to be a soprano." Well here was a potential soprano living under the same roof with her. Stepfather: One time I had a fleeting t h o u g h t - - I didn't dwell on it, "'I could go to jail for this." It went through my mind and I never dwelt on it or really thought about it. Stepfather: I was in terror that my wife would find out. Stepfather: 1 was afraid I would lose her (wife) and the family and my job and everything else. I was always afraid I'd get caught. Stepfather: I remember thinking, "'Christ this is against the law." Stepfather: I thought my wife would kill me. Stepfather: W h o ' s to say what's right or wrong. Did God intend it to be wrong? Why did He put these certain feelings in everybody if He didn't want you to express yourself?. I think in the back of my mind I knew it was wrong. I would have had to be crazy if I didn't think it was wrong somewhere in my mind. Biologic Father: I wondered if 1 would get caught. I was afraid when it came out I thought I would probably go to jail. Stepfather: I knew it was wrong but I had no inclination as to consequences. Stepfather: I was afraid, naturally. I didn't worry about the legal system, it didn't seem to be something i was concerned with, just that this was something that was a close family situation. These broken

men

had clearly

it. S o m e

internalized

chose to proceed

the incest taboo

knowing

it w a s w r o n g

at some

level and had subsequently

and were cognizant

of the societal

18

P. Phelan

consequences should it be discovered, while others rationalize their actions based on their interpretation o f the child's response (e.g., she enjoyed it). in both cases however, the fathers reported knowing it was wrong. In other words, these were not men who had failed to internalize the values and norms o f the society with respect to incest, and therefore acted without conscience. They were instead, men who had gone beyond what they knew to be culturally appropriate behavior.

Daughters' Cognitions Information from children about what they were thinking during the time the sexual activity took place is much less elaborated than that obtained from the father informants. For the most part, the complexity o f the description is directly related to the daughter's age. Older children were more able to give an elaboration o f the events. This was substantiated by interviews with therapists (about the younger children) who in almost all cases report that they had not obtained the details o f the sexual activity from the child. Also, their orientation as therapists was to deal with children's feelings. Another difference in the daughter's descriptions was that they said their thoughts were primarily focused on their own reactions to the sexual advances. The fathers, on the other hand were concerned not only with their own needs but with assessing the reactions of the child (e.g., would she tell someone, how would she respond, or how was she responding). In almost all cases the fathers were able to articulate what they thought the daughter was thinking. However, in no case could a child recall focusing on what the father was thinking, for example, " W h e n it was happening to me I w a s n ' t thinking of him, I was thinking o f me, what I should be d o i n g . " There were no differences in biologic and stepdaughter responses. As mentioned earlier, many of the children reported confusion as the sexual activity began. Gradually, as the fathers' intentions become clear, the daughters realized that "something is w r o n g . " The time that elapsed before this knowledge was certain was a time when the sexual activity progressed, thus leaving the daughter feeling trapped, a participant in something for which she now assumed responsibility because she failed to take action the first time it occurred. For example, " I didn't know the first time if what he was doing was right or w r o n g . " It is at this point that she begins to blame herself. And if she was responsible, how could she seek help? As the sexual activity becomes regular and patterned the feeling o f entrapment was intensified. The most c o m m o n thought reported by daughters was disbelief that this was happening to her. Responses to the question, " W h a t were you thinking?" illustrate these points. "This must not be happening to m e . " The whole time I'm thinking, "l am imagining this, hold on, this can't be happening, no way." My dad wouldn't be doing that, what am I thinking? I'm making it up or something--so I would push it out of my mind so I wouldn't have to remember it. I would wake up and I'd go no, that couldn't have happened. I didn't know why he was doing things to me--I didn't understand. I just--I didn't know what it was but I just knew it wasn't right. I didn't put any words to it. I knew there was something wrong, I just didn't know what it was. I was ignorant. I didn't know what he was doing. I didn't know what it was called so I wasn't brave enough to tell what he was doing or tell anybody what it was. I didn't know what to do about it. I knew I was scared and I don't know what he was doing. (It was) confusing and then I knew it was wrong. I really didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to react. I was confused and didn't want to get hurt.

Incest and its meaning

19

The daughters' statements confirmed the fathers' reports that as time went by the sexual activity became regular and patterned. Frequently they knew when it was going to happen and in many cases tried to devise strategies to avoid its occurring. For example: So I did everything I possibly could to keep Jim from doing anything. If 1 went to bed I'd try my darndest to go right to sleep because it got to the point where he wouldn't do anything if I was asleep because I wouldn't wake up and that was not fun. And if he was taking a shower and wanted me to get him anything like a towel, I'd talk my mom into taking it in to him. Or if I was in the shower I'd shut the door. And if my morn went anywhere I'd go with her . . . . And if he'd call me into the bedroom I'd stand at the door and ask him what he wanted. And if he wanted me to go over to the bed, he'd do that a lot if my mom was in the bathtub, I'd go, "What do you w a n t - - I have to do my homework, clean my bedroom or something.'" I used to do homework as an excuse It was like I k n e w - - i t was usually every Saturday when my morn when shopping. I didn't know what time but I knew the day. I kind of tried to stay away from him. I just did anything to stay away.

As the sexual activity became established, brooding, withdrawal, and anxiety in these daughters increased, spilling over and altering their relationships with their mother, siblings, and friends. The daughters reported feeling terrified that someone would find out or that people might already know about the incest simply by looking at them. As a result they frequently attempted to make themselves "invisible," for example, by withdrawing from regular activities and interactions. The daughters confirmed the fathers' reports that bribes and threats were used infrequently. Two of the 36 children interviewed by the research team said that their fathers bribed them with the promise of special privileges. Five reported that threats were used (two of these five children were sisters). The threats were of losing their home, that if the child told the father would go to jail, that the mother wouldn't believe them. All but one of these fathers reported using the same threats as the daughter reported. In other words, except in one case, the fathers' and daughters' recollections were the same. However, no father admited to using physical force, while three children said that their father either hit them or physically pushed them down. (One of these three fathers originally agreed to be interviewed but subsequently refused.) Many of the daughters reported being afraid to tell their mothers. Immediate fear stemmed from three sources--not wanting to hurt or upset their mothers, fear that their mother would not believe them, and/or fear that they would "get in trouble." More l o n g - - t e r m concerns involve fear that the family would break up. I wanted it to stop but I didn't want to hurt my room and my grandparents. I didn't think she'd believe me. I was just scared. I wanted to tell my morn but I was scared to.

Further, what the fathers did n o t report and what the daughters said was that their fathers explicitly told them not to tell their mothers. This was important since it coincides with the daughter' s own fears. The combination of the fathers' instructions and their own doubts appears to be powerful enough to prevent their revealing the i n c e s t - - a t least for a period of time. For example one daughter said, " I couldn't tell my morn because she wouldn't believe me and my dad said not to tell her." Biologic daughters reported an average age of 12.9 and stepdaughters an average age of 12.5 when the incest came to light. According to biologic daughters the sexual activity (excluding three cases where children report a one-time-only occurrence) had lasted an average of

20

P. Phelan

3.34 years (ranging from 1 to 6 years) while stepdaughters reported an average duration of 3.13 years (ranging f r o m . 125 to 8 years). The daughters' descriptions suggest that two things occurred. First, continuation of the relationship became intolerable and second, as their orientation and focus changed to peer relationships they gained more autonomy outside the family system. The result was that they either told a friend or informed their mothers. For the sample of 44 children, 14 first told their mother about the incest, 18 told a friend, five told a teacher, two told another family member, and one told a church youth leader. Three of the children told no one. In these three cases, the fathers had involved two children in the household and it was discovered when their sister told. In one case the father told the mother. There were no differences between biologic daughters and stepdaughters with respect to whom they told first.

DISCUSSION One of the most well-developed and comprehensive theoretical perspectives on the nature of child sexual abuse has been set forth by Finkelhor (1984). His theoretical mOdel is built to accommodate the range of factors associated with all forms of child sexual abuse, incest being one category subsumed under this heading. In his model, Finkelhor posits four categories of risk factors or "preconditions" which are explanatory at the abstract level of culture as well as individual psychology. The findings from this study corroborate several hypothesized cultural factors from this model. For example, Finkelhor's precondition "the masculine requirement to be dominant and powerful in sexual relationships," was evidenced by the themes of "control, power, and anger," found in self-reports from stepfathers, for example, "It was a power s t r u g g l e . . , the real pleasure was that I was dominant over her." Second, the risk factor, "male tendency to sexualize all emotional needs," was corroborated by the plethora of statements by the men in our study concerning their thoughts about sexual gratification as a motivating factor for their actions (e.g., "All it was was sex, that's all it was."). Third, Finkelhor's hypothesized risk factor, "Male inability to identify with the needs of children," was supported by the finding that fathers frequently completely misread children's responses to the sexual advances. The fact that over 50% of the men in our sample actually thought the daughters enjoyed what was happening and/or initiated the activity is particularly striking. Finally, the twin ideologies of "patriarchal prerogatives for fathers," and "family sanctity" found in Finkelhor's model were repeatedly illustrated by fathers' statements about their rights and privileges as fathers. Further, their belief that sexual activity with a child outside the home was much more serious than sexual activity with their " o w n " child supports the idea of "family sanctity," as a prevailing view. Certainly many of the fathers appear to be surprised that the rest of society had an interest in or a right to interfere with what went on in their family. In fact, they seemed baffled that society behaved towards them in terms of cultural norms (i.e., specifically the violation of the incest taboo) rather than sanctifying the independence of the family. From a treatment perspective the findings here highlight the importance for therapists dealing with father offenders to focus on the development of empathy and an understanding of children's needs, feelings, and emotional responses. The fact that these men so consistently misinterpreted their daughter's reactions to the incest is striking. While we do not know if, in fact, their statements were merely an elaborated rationale, it is certainly an area worth targeting. It is crucial that these men come to realize the hurt and damage they have inflicted on their children. Further, the findings here add credibility to the concern that many children are at risk in their own homes. The prevalence of meanings and beliefs identified in this study about "family sanctity, male prerogatives and the rights of fathers" suggests that children are indeed vulnerable to those with whom they are closely related. Finally, the sexual nature of the

Incest and its meaning

21

incestuous relationship needs to be given more careful consideration. Therapists must confront the sexual issues directly rather than assuming that the motivation of fathers to molest their children stems only from negative childhood experiences. The compelling and addictive nature of the incestuous relationship cannot be overemphasized and needs to be considered in light of culturally defined meanings about sexuality. With respect to prevention efforts these findings are particularly relevant. For example, rather than focusing prevention efforts only on nonnormative family interactions that may signal possible abusive situations (e.g., fathers spending extra time with their children), this study suggests that it is exactly the ordinary, routine, patterned family interactions out of which the incest grows. Further, it appears that in many cases fathers withdraw their advances when they encounter overt and powerful negative responses from their children. The orientation of current prevention programs towards educating children about the types of abusive situations that can occur and coaching them in appropriate responses seems justified--that is, if the children are first of all able to interpret the situation correctly and trust their own reactions. The ability of children to do the latter is perhaps the most problematic. Families and schools in this society have historically socialized children to acquiesce to authority, to be compliant to adults, and to unquestionably follow the rules. Teaching children to be aware of their own feelings, giving credibility to those feelings, and generally respecting children's responses have not been high priorities. Further, the fact that children possess the full range of human feelings and emotional responses seems little realized by fathers and stepfathers who engage their children sexually. Certainly concerted efforts to teach children strategies of protection against abusive adults are critical, but also important is the need to educate adults (particularly men) about the world of children.

CONCLUSION This article describes incestuous relationships (how they are initiated, maintained and ended) and the structure of meaning surrounding the events for those involved. Both fathers and daughters reported that the sexual activity grew out of already existing family interactions (e.g., backrubs, wrestling, reading before bed, watching TV, etc.). The fathers' first approach was frequently subtle leaving the daughters unsure if it actually happened. Both fathers and daughters reported that there were few verbal interactions, thus leaving the children to rely on their own interpretation of the situation. Many distrusted what they felt. "This isn't really happening," was a common thought. By the time it was clear that their father's behavior was wrong, many children had already begun to believe that they were to blame. Further, they felt guilty for not stopping the activity or saying anything the first time it occurred. As the activity progressed and fathers increased the types and frequency of sexual activity, the children felt caught--unable to say anything for fear they would not be believed or that if it was known they would be perceived as the "guilty seducers." The incest became regular and patterned with both parties cognizant of when and where it would occur. Because of its predictability some children devised elaborate means by which to avoid the situation--sometimes they were successful, often they were not. In 25% of the cases reported here the sexual activity came to involve regular intercourse or partial penetration of the daughter on a regular basis. It is not surprising that fathers' and daughters' cognitions surrounding the activity are different. Men in this study (slightly over two-thirds) reported that their thoughts at the time were dominated by the need for sexual gratification and/or curiosity. In other words, according to many of these fathers, sexual gratification was a primary (conscious) motivational factor for engaging in the behavior. Control, power, and anger were also themes which emerged in

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some of the stepfather's reports. Biologic fathers, on the other hand, did not speak in these terms. Perhaps one of the most striking findings with respect to fathers' cognitions were their misperceptions of the c h i l d r e n ' s reactions to the sexual advances. Over 50% of the men reported thinking that the child enjoyed what was happening and further, 12 said that their daughters had initiated the activity. None of the children concurred and, in fact, spoke instead of the pain, disgust, and betrayal that they felt. While most of the m e n said that they knew what they were doing was wrong, only about a third reported having been concerned with possible legal consequences. Fear that their wives would find out was uppermost in m a n y of the fathers' minds. As their father's sexual advances began, a n u m b e r of the children said that their thoughts were concerned with whether "this is really h a p p e n i n g . " In general, they were frightened, confused, and increasingly guilty as the sexual activity continued. M a n y indicated that they saw no way o u t - - n o means by which to end the situation. However, as the children reach adolescence and their orientation shifted outside the family, m a n y reported telling a friend or in some cases their mother. The consequences for families in this study resulted in legal sanctions for fathers and stepfathers as well as i n v o l v e m e n t of most family m e m b e r s in an educational treatment program for sexually abusive families. Acknowledgement--Louisa Flander, Anna Einfeld-Giarretto,Ellie Breslin, and Elizabeth Richards provided invaluable

assistance in implementing this study. I am especially grateful to Henry Giarretto, Anna Einfeld-Giarretto, and the staff and participants at the Giarretto Institute, San Jose, CA, for their generosity in providing program access and their overall assistance.

REFERENCES Adams-Tucker,C. (1982). Proximateeffects of sexual abuse in childhood. A report on twenty-eightchildren.American Journal of Psychiatry, 139, 1252-1256. Adams-Tucker, C. (1984). Early treatment of child incest victims. Journal of Psychotherapy, 38(4), 505-516. Beland, K. (1986). Prevention of child sexual victimization: A school-based structured prevention model. Seattle, WA: Committee for Children. Berliner, L., & Conte, J. R. (1990). The process of victimization: The victims' perspective. Child Abuse & Neglect, 14, 29-40. Blumer, H. (1969). Symbolic interactionism: Perspective and method. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall. Browne, A., & Finkelhor, D. (1986). Initial and long-term effects: A review of the research. In D. Finkelhor & Associates, A sourcebook on child sexual abuse (pp. 143-179). Beverly Hills, CA: Sage Publications. Christiansen, J. R., & Blake, R. H. (1990). The grooming process in father-daughter incest. In A. L. Horton, B. L. Johnson, L. M. Roundy, & D. Williams (Eds.), The incest perpetrators: A family member no one wants to treat (pp. 88-98). Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications. Cohen, T. (1983). The incestuous family revisited. Social Casework, 64(3), 154-161. Conte, J. R. (1985). The effects of sexual abuse on children: A critique and suggestionsfor future research. Victimology, 10, 110-130. Conte, J. R., Rosen, C., & Saperstein, L. (1986). An analysis of programs to prevent the sexual victimization of children. Journal of Primary Prevention, 6(3), 141 - 155. Conte, J. R., Wolf, S., & Smith, T. (1989). What sexual offenders tell us about prevention strategies. ChildAbuse & Neglect, 13, 293-301. de Young, M. (1981). The sexual victimization of children. Jefferson, NC: McFarland & Co. Daro, D., Duerr, J., & LeProhn, N. (1986). Child assault prevention instruction: What works with pre-schoolers. Chicago, IL: National Committee on Prevention of Child Abuse Network. Faller, K. C. (1989). The role relationshipbetween victim and perpetrator as a predictor of characteristics of intrafamilial sexual abuse. Child and Adolescent Social Work Journal, 6(3), 217-229. Finkelhor, D. (1978). Psychological,cultural and family factors in incest and family sexual abuse. Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy, 4, 41-49. Finkelhor, D. (1984). Child sexual abuse: New theory and research. New York: Free Press. Finkelhor, D. (1986). A sourcebook on child sexual abuse. Beverly Hills, CA: Sage Publications. Fischer, M. (1983). Adolescent adjustment after incest. School Psychology International, 4, 217-222.

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Fryer, G. (1987). Measuring actual reduction of risk to child abuse: A new approach. Child Abuse & Neglect, II, 173-179. Giarretto, H. (1978). Humanistic treatment of father/daughter incest. Journal t.f Humanistic Psychology, 18,(4), 59-76. Giarretto, H. (1989). Community-based treatment of dissociative disorders in the incest family. In R. P. Kluft (Ed.), Psychiatric clinics of North America. Symposium on the Treatment of Victims of Sexual Abuse. Giarretto, H., & Einfeld-Giarretto, A. (1990). Integrated treatment: The self help factor. In A. L. Horton, B. L. Johnson, L. M. Roundy, & D. Williams (Eds.), The incest perpetrator: A family member no one wants to treat (pp. 219226). Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications. Gordon, M. (1989). The family environment of sexual abuse: A comparison of natal and stepfather abuse. Child Abuse & Neglect, 13, 121-130. Hayes, K. F. (1984). The conspiracy of silence revisited: Group therapy with adult survivors of incest. Journal of Group Psychotherapy, Psychodrama and Sociometry, 34(4), 505-515. Herman, J. L. (1981). Father-daughter incest. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press. Kelley, S. J. (1984). The use of art therapy with sexually abused children. Journal of Psychosocial Nursing and Mental Health Services, 22(12), 12-18. Kolko, D., & Moser, J. (1987) Awareness and prevention of child sexual victimization. The Red Flag/Green Flag Program: An evaluation follow-up. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 2, 11-35. Koverola, C., Pound, J., Heger, A., & Lytle, C. (1993) Relationship of child sexual abuse to depression. Child Abuse & Neglect, 17, 393-400. Lanyon, R. I. (1986). Theory and treatment in child molestations. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 54(2), 176-182. Larson, N. R., & Maddock. J. W. (1986). Structural and functional variables in incest family systems: Implications for assessment and treatment. In T. S. Trepper, & M. J. Barrett (Eds.), Treating incest: A multimodal systems perspective (pp. 27-45). New York: Haworth Press. MacFarlane, K., & Bulkley, J. (1982). Treating child sexual abuse: An overview of current program models. Journal of Social Work and Human Sexuality, 1(1-2), 71-93. Madonna, P. G., Van Scoyk, S., Jones, P. H., & Psych, M. R. C. (1991). Family interactions within incest and nonincest families. American Journal of Psychiatry, 148(1), 46-49. Meiselman, K. C. (1978). Incest: A psychological study of causes and effects with treatment recommendations. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass. Nelson, M., & Clark, K. (Eds.). (1986). The educators' guide to preventing child sexual abuse. Santa Cruz, CA: Network Publications. Phelan, P. (1986). The process of incest: Biologic father and stepfather families. Child Abuse & Neglect, 10(4), 531-539. Phelan, P. (1988). Natural father and stepfather families. Final report submitted to the National Institutes of Mental Health (Grant No. ROIMH39086). San Francisco, CA: University of California, San Francisco, Medical Anthropolgy Program. Plyer, A., Woolley, C. S., & Anderson, T. K. (1990). Current treatment providers. In A. L. Horton, B. L. Johnson, L. M. Roundy, & D. Williams (Eds.), The incest perpetrator: A family member no one wants to treat (pp. 198218). Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications. Reposa, R., & Zuelzer, M. B. (1983). Family therapy with incest. International Journal of Family Therapy, 5(2), 111-126. Roberts, L., & Lie, G. (1989). A group therapy approach to the treatment of incest. Social Work With Groups, 19(3). 77 -90. Russell, D. E. H. (1983). The incidence and prevalence of intrafamilial and extrafamilial sexual abuse of female children. Child Abuse & Neglect, 7, 133-146. Russell, D. E. H. (1986). The secret trauma: Incest in the lives of girls and women. New York: Basic Books, Inc. Scott, R. L., & Stone, D. A. (1986). MMPI measures of psychological disturbance in adolescent and adult victims of father-daughter incest. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 42(2), 251-259. Summit, R. C. (1983). The child sexual abuse accommodation syndrome. Child Abuse & Neglect, 7, 177-193. Trepper, T., & Barrett, M. J. (1986). Treating incest: A multimodal systems perspective. Journal of Psychotherapy and the Family, 2. Sexual Assault Center Clinical Consultation Group. (1984). Sexual abuse alert list. Seattle, WA: Sexual Assault Center. Warner-Kearney, D. (1987, February). The nature of grooming behavior used by sexual offenders in father-daughter incest. Paper presented at the Western Criminology Association, Las Vegas, NV. Westermeyer, J. (1978). Incest in psychiatric practice: A description of patients and incestuous relationships. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 39(8), 643-648. Wolf, S., Conte, J. R., & Menig, M. E. (1988). Community treatment of adults who have sex with children. In L. E. A. Walker (Ed.), Handbook in sexual abuse of children (pp. 365-383). New York: Springer.

R6sum6---Cet article d6crit des 6v6nements incestueux et la structure de la signification donn6e h ces 6v6nements par les p~res biologiques et les beaux-p~res et par les filles biologiques et les belles-filles. Utilisant un cadre d'interactions

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symboliques, cette &ude s'appuie sur la th6se que le sens donn6 aux acres incestueux par les diff6rents protagonistes est indispensable/~ la compr6hension de l'inceste. Les donn6es ont 6t6 obtenues/~ partir d'entretiens approfondis avec 40 hommes (14 p6re biologiques et 26 beauxp~res) et 44 enfants (18 filles biologiques et 26 belles-filles). Les entretiens mettaient l'accent sur le souvenir que les i~res et le filles avalent des 6v6nements et sur leurs pens6es et leurs interpr6tations au cours de I'activit6 incestueuse. Aussi bien les l~res que les filles rapportent que la sexualit6 est apparue suite aux interactions familiales d6j~ existantes. Cependant la perception des p~res et des filles entourant l'6v6nement diff6re tout/~ faR. Beaucoup de p6res disent que leurs pens6es sont domin6es par des th/~mes de gratification sexuelle, de contr61e, de pouvoir et de col&e, de droits et de responsabilit6s quant ~ leur r61e de ~ r e ou de beaup6re. Les filles, elles, rapportent de l'incr6dulit6, de la confusion, de la culpabilit6 et de la colbre. Les p~res interpr6talent erron6ment les r6actions de leur enfant par rapport /lce qui se passait. Malgr6 le fait que les p~res disent qu'ils savaient que ce qu'ils faisaient n'6taient pas bien, peu d'entre eux rapportent qu'ils 6talent pr6occup6s par d'6ventuelles cons6quences 16gales. Resumen~Este artfculo describe sucesos incestuosos y la estructura de su significado alrededor de estos eventos por padres biol6gicos y padrastos e hijas biol6gicas e hijastras. Utilizando un encuadre simb61ico de trabajo el estudio sustenta la t6sis de que los significados que las personas le dan a los eventos incestuosos son centrales para comprender el fen6meno del incesto. Se obtuvieron los datos de entrevistas profundas con 40 hombres (14 padres naturales y 26 padrastos) y nifias 0 8 hijas biol6gicas y 26 hijastras). Las entrevistas enfatizaron los recuerdos de los hechos de los padres y las hijas y sus pensamientos e interpretaciones de la actividad incestuosa mientras estaba sucediendo. Tanto los padres como las hijas reportan que la actividad sexual surgi6 de interacciones familiares ya existentes. Sin embargo, los conocimientos de los padres y las hijas que rodean estos eventos difieren dram~iticamente. Muchos de los padres dicen que sus pensamientos est~in dominados por temas de gratificaci6n sexual, control, poder y rabia, y derechos y responsabilidades frente a su rol de padre o padrasto. Las hijos reportan incredulidad, confusi6n, culpa y rabia. Segtin los padres, ellos mal interpretaron la respuesta de las hijas de lo que estaba pasando. A pesar de que los padres dicen que sabian que lo que hacfan estaba mal, pocos reportan que se precuparon por las posibles consecuencias legales.