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Sibling incest: A study of the dynamics of 25 cases
SIBLING INCEST: A STUDY OF THE DYNAMICS CASES HOLLY
SMITH. M.A.,
Boulder County Department
WITH EDIE ISRAEL,
of Social Services.
OF 25
M.A.
Sexual Abuse Team. Boulder. CO
Abstract-The purpose of the present study was to explore the frequently observed dynamics distinctive to the sibling incest family system. and lo evaluate how these dynamics might predispose the family system lo act out its dysfunction through sibling sexual conduct. Being a descriptive study by nature. the data is based on 25 families which were reported 10 the Boulder County (Colorado) Sexual Abuse Team between May 1982 and December 1985. The 25 families yielded a significant pattern of common dynamics. Those dynamics which were repeatedly observed throughout these cases were: (I) distant. inaccessible parents: (2) parental stimulation of sexual climate in the home: and (3) family secrets. especially with regard lo extramarital affairs. The implications of the findings suggest that the patterns that are emerging are becoming more predictable. making prognosis and therapeutic intervention far more encouraging. ResumC-Le but de la presente Ctude Ctait d’explorer quel genre de dynamique prevaut le plus souvent dans les familles ou survient une relation incestueuse entre f&es et soeurs: il &ait aussi d’tvaluer comment ce genre de dynamique peut aboutir ti I’expression d’une dysfonction familiale sous forme de la relation incestueuse. L’&ude. de nature descriptive. est fond&e sur une casuistique de 25 familles venues ti la connaissance du “Sexual Abuse Team” du district (county) de Boulder au Colorado entre mai 82 et dtcembre 85. Les 25 familles presentaient en commun le mime type de dynamique. Les caractiristiques constantes de cette dynamique &aient: (1) des parents distants et inaccessibles: (2) I’entretien dans le climat familial d’une certaine stimulation sexuelle; (3) I’existence de secrets familiaux, concernant surtoul des liaisons extra-conjugales. Dans leur discussion, les auteurs suggerent que I’on commence g voir emerger, dans ces situations d’incestes entre germains. des modeles prCvisibles. qui pourraient peut-etre etre utiles au pronostic et B I’intervention thkrapeutique.
INTRODUCTION ONE OF THE MOST underreported, misunderstood areas of sexual abuse has always been that of sibling incest. Believed to be by far the most widespread form of incest [ll, sibling incest describes a sexual interaction between individuals who have one or both parents in common [2: 1771. The subject of sibling incest is sorely lacking in study, theory, and specific documentation. This may be due, in part, to a past tendency of professionals to group all intrafamily incest dynamics together, rather than delineating the more distinct characteristics of the different sexual couplings. Recent statistics indicate that the frequency of sibling reports to appropriate agencies is increasing. As such, the amount of available information with which to evaluate and compare the dynamics of involved families is more extensive than ever before and more subject to overview and analysis. This is a descriptive study without a comparison group. Generalization to the total population of abusive siblings will have to await further research.
METHODS The Boulder County (Colorado) Department of Social Services has had a specialized sexual abuse team for treating incest families since 1979. In 1983, 8% of the total number Reprint requests to Holly Smith. M.A.. 3400 Broadway. Boulder. CO 80302 101
Holly Smith with Edie Israel
102
of cases focused on famiiies where sibling sexual abuse occurred. The percentage increased to 13% in 1984 and in 1985 sibling incest situations accounted for 17% of the sexual abuse team’s caseload. Our study of 25 families began in May 1982 and concluded in December 1985. The number of families in the case study, we believe, is large enough to credibly validate our research. At the same time, given that these specific families have accessed our department from intake on through continued treatment, the numbers are small enough to suggest a thoroughness reflective on ongoing treatment over an extended time. Data
Gathering
The investigative intake process yields significant information with regard to each family’s history and their functioning capacity during a time of crisis. Information obtained at intake was: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12.
Nature and duration of sexual contact. Where sexual contact occurred. Who knew about the sibling sexual contact. Whom did victim tell. History of prior sexuaI abuse of either victim or perpetrator. Prior history of sexual abuse of parents. Possible sexual activity between parent and chiid. Significant role reassignment in family. Quality of marital relationship. Parenting responsibilities. Sexual boundaries in the home; restrictive or flexible. Ability of parents to protect children in future.
In all cases, the treatment provided by social services was either family. individual, couples or group treatment. Of note is that the quality and quantity of information obtained at the intake level was considerably supplemented in later treatment, especially with regard to social history and diagnostic assessment of the family. in all cases, the methods of obtaining information focused strictly on intake or therapeutic sessions. Subjects
Subjects were 25 families with cases open to the Boulder County Department of Social Services (DSS). Criteria for an open case with the department is as follows: (1) The family has residency in Boulder County; (2) allegations of sexual abuse have been investigated by DSS in conjunction with law enforcement; and 13) allegations of sexual abuse have been substantiated. The 25 families selected were those families who were assigned to and either treated or monitored by both authors over a 3.5-year period. Cases were assigned in random fashion. Cases were kept open for monitoring, and the average length of treatment provided was approximately 13 months. The oldest perpetrator was 20 years old; the youngest was 9. The oldest victim was 13 years old; the youngest was 3 years old. The average age of the sibling perpetrator was 13.2; the average age of the victims was 9. I years old. Of the perpetrators 20% were female and 80% male. Thirty-two percent assaulted a
Sibling incest
103
sibling of the same sex, including several instances of female perpetrators who sexually assaulted their sisters. Of the victims. 89% were female and 11% were male; 8% of the cases involved more than one victim within the family unit abused by the same perpetrator. With regard to the nature of sexual contact, 72% involved either fondling or oral/genital contact, and in 28% of the sibling incest cases the contact was in the form of intercourse. Of the families studied, 76% were 2-parent families, while 24% had only one parent present in the home; 56% were stepfamilies. All families were Caucasian with the exception of one family which was Spanish-American. The families were either lower class or middle class with the exception of two upper class families. The average age of the parents was 34.6 years old.
OBSERVATIONS Our study of the 25 families revealed three dynamics distinctive to the sibling incest family: (1) distant, inaccessible parents; (2) parental stimulation of sexual climate in the home; and (3) family secrets and extramarital affairs. Distant,
Inaccessible
Parents
Parental distance and inaccessibility in parents was separated into three distinct categories: (1) physical distance; (2) physical and emotional distance; and (3) physical presence with emotional distance. Physical distance relates most often to fathers who were not physically present. At the time of the sibling sexual contact, ,I2% of the fathers were deceased; 8% had abandoned their families shortly after the birth of their children; 16% of the men had diiorced their wives and maintained no contact with their families, much less their children. Emotional distance of a paternal nature often seemed to grow out of a physical distance from the family which, in most cases, was characterized by men with careers which served to divert attention away from family relationships and responsibility. The group of physically and emotionally distant fathers included 28% of the fathers. Emotional distance, in these cases, was often a result of physical distance and inconsistent parenting. Twenty-four percent of the fathers were characterized as physically present yet emotionally distant. These fathers provided a verbal account of the emotional distance as an overall disinterest in parenting, a failure to attach and bond to their children, and a feeling of being sabotaged by their wives’ relationships with their children. Others described their emotional distance as a result of an inability to empathize with their children’s needs. Some felt themselves so emotionally bereft that they had nothing to give to their children. Some fathers confessed to a total lack of understanding normal healthy child development, and remarked that they could in no way “relate to their children.” One father said, “I just don’t have anything in common with him. Frankly, I have no use for a 6 year old; maybe when he’s older. . .” With regard to the mothers’ physical distance, none were deceased, 16% had abandoned their families, and 8% were divorcees who maintained virtually no contact with their families. Of those mothers who were both physically and emotionally distant, one mother maintained an absorbing career which took her away from a primary parenting role, and 20% of the mothers found refuge in either drug addiction or alcoholism, mental illness, or repetitive pregnancy combined with periodic absences from the home environment.
104
Holly
Smith with Edie Israel
Twenty-eight percent of the mothers were physically present yet emotionally distant and, for many of the same role reasons, mirrored their male counterparts. More men (88%) than women (76%) characterized a composite of all types of distant, inaccessible parents. Parental Stimulation
of Sexual Climate in the Home
Forty-eight percent of the perpetrators had observed sexual activity between their parents or one parent and another party. ranging from fondling to intercourse. As an example, one sibling pair revealed that they used to hide in their parents’ closet to watch them make love. Fifty-two percent of the perpetrators were child victims of sexual abuse by either intrafamily or third party offenders. Thirty-two percent of the cases involved instances whereby father-daughter incest preceded a brother’s participation as perpetrator of abuse of the same victim. Pertaining to sexual messages (expressions) given by parents, 40% of the mothers qualified as “seductive” mothers, while 32% exuded rigid. puritanical sexual mores. The seductive mothers were openly flirtatious and provocative with their sons. Some enlisted their sons as confidants regarding their own sexual exploits. The seductive mothers were overly involved with their children’s physical development and sexual maturation and often exhibited a prurient interest in their sexual relationships with peers. The puritanical mothers had extremely devout religious backgrounds and discouraged sexual inquiries or sexual expression of any kind. Family Secrets and Extrawcwital Affciirs In the sibling incest families, 72% had mothers or fathers who had been sexually abused as children. The most provocative secret in the sibling incest families was the high incidence of .extramarital affairs. In 76% of the cases, extra-marital involvement was occurring. In the 20% of the cases where females were the perpetrators. there was a correlation. without exception, between the sex of the parent involved in the affair and the perpetrating sibling: all their mothers were involved in extramarital liaisons concurrent with the date of initial sibling contact.
DISCUSSION The dynamics of the brother-sister incest relationship have received far less attention than the father-daughter affair [3:269]. Assumptions abound. but a conspicuous lack of documentation has occurred despite the estimates that incest between siblings may be five times more common than paternal incest [4:80]. A review of the current literature in the area of sibling incest is scarce at best. Bank and Kahn are two of the few contemporary researchers to review various aspects of sibling sexual situations and relationships [5]. With the further exception of Loredo’s assessment [2] and brief discussions of sibling incest by Meiselman [3] and Mrazek [6], the current literature on sibling incest is lacking in study. theory. and specific documentation. Professionals have had the penchant for lumping all intrafamily incest dynamics together, rather than delineating the more distinct characteristics of the different sexual couplings.
Sibling
incest
105
A substantial increase in sibling cases within the last three years has encouraged us to attempt to qualify those prior assumptions and to focus on the dynamics that are distinctive to sibling incest families: distant, inaccessible parents: parental stimulation of sexual climate in the home; and the presence of family secrets with special emphasis on extramarital affairs. In the discussion of these dynamics any generalization to the population of abusive siblings is difficult as no controls were used in this descriptive study and the data were generated solely from case studies. Distant,
lnaccessibie
Parents
Our observations have shown us that, in families where sibling incest is occurring, a strong sense of parental leadership or parental role-modeling is often either ill-defined or nonexistent. Not all parents care about their children [2]. In its least vindictive regard, distant parenting may be viewed as a sign of the times, passed off as parental casualness and a loosening of the parental controls resulting in an “overall decrease in parental vigilance about every aspect of children’s lives, from the trivial to the life-threatening” [7:22]. When there is no one attentive enough or available enough to intervene, supervision becomes a key element; the lack of it “must not be taken too lightly since it is a common precursor of sibling incest” [4:81]. Meiselman concurs that a lack of effective restraining agents may allow ordinary playfulness to result in sexual relationships [3:263-2641. Sibling incest is an effect, not the cause, of family fragmentation. Many cases go far beyond a simple lack of restraining agents into pronounced parental distances which catalytically compel the sibling bond to attempt to make up for what is lacking in the parentchild bond. According to Bank and Kahn, incest is more likely to occur if there is parental neglect or abandonment, as brothers and sisters turn to each other for comfort, nurturante and identity, or as a means of expressing rage and hurt [5:195]. Parental
Sti~~lat~~n
of Sexual
Chute
in the Home
Despite a noted absence of parental presence in sibling incest homes, parents-whether by virtue of age, role fulfillment, or a symbolically domineering position-often continue to establish the boundaries, or lack of them, which govern their children’s behavior. Our observations strongly indicate that sibling incest families have dynamic differences between strictly parent-child incest families in that the boundaries of the former are often loose and inconsequential while those of the latter are more rigid and restrictive. Within the sibling incest family, individual motives are certainly in need of examination, but should be viewed in light of the family collective. As with father-daughter incest, Meiselman finds there are probably several personality types and family constellations that predispose brothers to incest [3:298]. But Justice states that sibling incest does not represent so much a certain type of personality on the part of the brother or sister as it does a certain set of conditions in the family and characteristics of the parents C&104]. One of those characteristics appearing in our study, that of a rigid and puritanical mother, would seem on the surface to veer away from the notion of a sexualized climate in the home. Our case studies point to the contrary and concur with Mrazek that through excessive repression, children’s interest in the forbidden may increase [6:104]. Excessive repression can stimulate rebellion and promiscuity between siblings and provide the impetus for the family’s children to sexualize their relationship. Also apparent and more predominant is that sexually suggestive parental actions can be overwhelming to an impressionable audience consisting of the family’s children. Of the siblings in our
106
Holly Smith with Edie Israel
study, 48% witnessed sexually provocative behavior on their parents’ part prior to reacting in imitative fashion. The stimulation and resultant confusion need not come merely from parents and other adults. Oversexualization may be a significant part of today’s society. Winn writes: Cultural influences encourage child sexuality, and children’s behavior has become. if only by imitation, more sexually provocative than in the past. . . The restraining influence of innocence has been effectively removed. What is more. the restraining power of the taboo is failing as the thought of incest as something monstrous and abnormal is slowly replaced by the realization that such feelings are not uncommon [7: 168-1691.
A loss of innocence is obvious in a typical sibling incest family home where the sexual boundaries are quite flimsy. In its most restrictive form, covert sexuality simmers below the surface, encouraged by provocative play, nudity, or teasing circumstances. In its least restrictive environment, sexual contact between siblings is stimulated by overt sexuality. This may appear through an exposure to pornography or sexually explicit material [2: 1831, sex talked about openly in obscene words, and parents who make little effort to prevent children from seeing them engage in marital or extramarital activity in the home [3:266]. A loss of innocence coupled with a desire-some could say a mandate-to imitate adult sexual behavior almost certainly can lead to a sexualized sibling reaction. De Young discusses two types of home environments which are reactive to parental stimulation of sexual climate in the home: (1) where children may become prematurely sexually stimulated, in the absence of firm parental supervision, to the point of sexual imitation; (2) where some other type of in&t, usually paternal, has preceded the sibling incest [4:84-U]. In our study of 25 sibling incest cases, 32% involved instances whereby father-daughter incest preceded a brother’s participation as perpetrator of abuse of the same victim. Activity of this type portrays the parental stimulation dynamic quite glaringly. Herman reports this in a case study where a daughter was molested by her brother as well as her father. The daughter felt that her father’s conduct had given her brother tacit permission to do the same [9:94]. To account for sexualized behavior among children within the family, an explanation unfolds more completely when we view their behavior as imitative, as stimulated, and as reactive to actions performed by adults. Family Secrets: Behind the Scenes and Beyond the Marriage When reviewing family secrets, we find that there do exist some crossover dynamics with those of the typical father-daughter incest family. the most notable being the incidence of prior sexual abuse. In our study, the intergenerational aspects of incest were strongly apparent; 72% of the sibling incest families had mothers or fathers who had themselves been sexually abused as children. Of special interest to our study of family secrets was the revealing of a dynamic that is a noted departure from current associations with parent-child incest. Specifically, we found the presence of extramarital affairs to be occurring in 76% of the cases in our sibling incest study. By significant contrast, father-daughter incest family members most often exist within a closed-door, intrafamily structure. Herman notes that those fathers are seldom womanizers [9: 11 I], and are often perceived as lacking the confidence to venture outside the home to meet sexual or emotional needs. The parents in the sibling incest home strike up an entirely different pose, and in the process develop a rather distinct dynamic that bears further examination.
Sibling incest
107
The existence of the furtive sexual liaison outside of the primary marital relationship is fast becoming one of the key indicators of the possible presence of sibling incest in the family. At times several aspects of this dynamic can combine to effect a sibling union, not the least of which is the notion of tacit approval. Witness the following: My
father
probably time.
was running were closest.
But (my brother)
around.
And
I
knew
it and my brother
We knew that was a thing we weren’t used to say things like. “It’s
knew
supposed
it, and that’s to know,
okay if we do it; look at Daddy:
when
my brother
and we talked
and 1
about it all the
1 mean he’s got a girlfriend”
[S: 1741.
Evident in the course of therapy with siblings involved in incest is the fact that parental infidelity can create an imminent sense of family disintegration. This foreboding feeling on the children’s part is exacerbated by an impending sense of isolation and abandonment imbued with fears that the marriage, and-thus the home, will dissolve. Parents, through outside liaisons, may be thought of as trying to compensate for whatever is missing, lacking. annoying or hurtful in the marriage [ 10: 1921, but the result can cause their children to become confused, frightened and reactive. In their interactions with their parents’ new companions and insights into the weaknesses of emotional relationships, children are pushed out of childhood into a precocious adult awareness of life [7: I3 I]. Siblings can find themselves pushed into a sexualization of their own bond in a union of desperation perhaps not unlike that of their involved parent. One young girl, who had been having sexual intercourse with her younger brother, described to us her emotive rationalization with regard to her parents and their respective lovers: They
were busy all the time going out on dates and stuff. We were always alone. and I started to think that they
were forgetting
about us. It made us feel better when we were together:
then we didn’t feel as lonely and scared.
In the midst of the parents’ affairs, the foundation for the incest dynamic became quite pronounced. The siblings colluded to be intimate and sexual with one another in an attempt to keep the system together or, better yet, to insure against being left completely and utterly alone should it collapse. An ironic result of siblings coupling, whether in an exploiting or nurturing, loving fashion, is that they soon find themselves compelled to contribute to the realm of family secrets. The cycle is vicious and repetitive; their secretive consignment often takes its place alongside an interwoven myriad of other family secrets.
SUMMARY AND IMPLICATIONS Our study reveals that both physical and emotional absence plays a significant role in intensifying the mutual dependency and sexual curiosity of brothers and sisters [5: 1661. In sibling incest families we observed both maternal (76%) and paternal (88%) absence of one type or another. In contrast, father-daughter incest families reveal fathers who are omnipresent in their daughters’ lives, though mothers’ absences can be profound. Our research strongly indicates that parental stimulation of the sexual climate in the home is a distinct dynamic in sibling incest families. Characteristic of this dynamic are either very liberal sexual attitudes in the home or excessive repression of the same and the possibilities of imitative behavior and tacit approval. The question of nonselective stimulation of the children’s sexuality (as a collective) is raised, versus the more specific and selective stimulation of the victim alone in the father-daughter incest family. Addi-
108
Holly Smith with Edie Israel
tionally, the boundaries in sibling incest homes are rather loose and inconsequential, while those of the father-daughter incest family are more rigid and restrictive. Perhaps the most distinctive dynamic to appear in our study was that of the preponderance of extramarital activity (76%) in the families whose children were involved in sibling incest. Rarely do we see a father in a paternal incest system venture outside of the home to meet sexual or emotional needs. Such fathers turn to their children instead, rationalizing that involvement in an extramarital affair would entail “cheating on one’s wife,” while involvement within the confines of the family unit is seen by them as more acceptable. In the sibling incest family system, parents’ participation in extramarital liaisons can effectively strengthen several dynamics in that the affair can create parental distance, stimulate the sexual climate in the home, and push siblings into a sexualization of their own bond. The presence of this family secret is becoming a key indicator of the potential occurrence of sibling incest, and through the unraveling of these secrets intake can be more productive and treatment more effective. Several suggestions and recommendations regarding assessment and treatment of sibling incest have emerged from this study. Clinicians need to take heed of Bank and Kahn’s statement: Siblings are more than just sexual understudies for parents. that while sexual relations between siblings have been studied, the distinctiveness of these, apart from incest in other family relationships. seems to vanish: and few investigators view them as a special case, generating special effects [5: 169).
There has been a tendency for clinicians to lump all incest dynamics together, asserting generalized assumptions regarding assessment and treatment of sibling incest. This study urges us to begin to view the different sexual couplings with a more discerning eye. Acknowledgment-The authors thank Christopher their undaunted support and guidance.
Corman. clinical supervisor,
and Douglas Pagels. editor. for
REFERENCES 1. FORWARD. S. Berruyol of Innocence: fncesr und Its Devasrurion. p. 85. Penguin. New York ( 1979). 2. LOREDO, C. M. Sibling incest. In: Hundbook of Clinical Intervention in Child Sexuul Abuse, S. M. Sgroi. (Ed.). Lexington Books, D. C. Heath, Lexington, MA (1982). 3. MEISELMAN. K. C. Incest: A Psychological Srudv of Cuuses und Effects uairh Treatment Recommendations. Jossey-Bass. San Francisco (1978). 4. De YOUNG. M. The Sexuul Victimization of Children. McFarland. Jefferson, NC (1982). 5. BANK, S. P. and KAHN, M. D. The Sibling Bond. Basic Books. New York (1982). 6. MRAZEK, P. B. The nature of incest: A review of contributing factors. In: Se.ytrtrl/y Ahfrsrd Children und Their Fumilies. P. B. Mrazek and C. H. Kempe (Eds.). Pergamon. Elmsford. NY (I981 ). 7. WINN. M. Children without Childhood. Pantheon. New York (1983). 8. JUSTICE. B. and JUSTICE, R. The Broken Tuboo. p. 104. Human Sciences Press, New York (1979). 9. HERMAN. J. L. Furher-Duughfer Incesr. Harvard University Press. Cambridge. MA (1981). IO. CUBER, J. F. Adultery: Reality versus stereotype. In: Exrrcrmurifcd Re1ution.s. G. Neubeck (Ed.), p. 192. Prentice-Hall, Englewood Cliffs, NJ ( 1969).
SMITH. M.A.,
Boulder County Department
WITH EDIE ISRAEL,
of Social Services.
OF 25
M.A.
Sexual Abuse Team. Boulder. CO
Abstract-The purpose of the present study was to explore the frequently observed dynamics distinctive to the sibling incest family system. and lo evaluate how these dynamics might predispose the family system lo act out its dysfunction through sibling sexual conduct. Being a descriptive study by nature. the data is based on 25 families which were reported 10 the Boulder County (Colorado) Sexual Abuse Team between May 1982 and December 1985. The 25 families yielded a significant pattern of common dynamics. Those dynamics which were repeatedly observed throughout these cases were: (I) distant. inaccessible parents: (2) parental stimulation of sexual climate in the home: and (3) family secrets. especially with regard lo extramarital affairs. The implications of the findings suggest that the patterns that are emerging are becoming more predictable. making prognosis and therapeutic intervention far more encouraging. ResumC-Le but de la presente Ctude Ctait d’explorer quel genre de dynamique prevaut le plus souvent dans les familles ou survient une relation incestueuse entre f&es et soeurs: il &ait aussi d’tvaluer comment ce genre de dynamique peut aboutir ti I’expression d’une dysfonction familiale sous forme de la relation incestueuse. L’&ude. de nature descriptive. est fond&e sur une casuistique de 25 familles venues ti la connaissance du “Sexual Abuse Team” du district (county) de Boulder au Colorado entre mai 82 et dtcembre 85. Les 25 familles presentaient en commun le mime type de dynamique. Les caractiristiques constantes de cette dynamique &aient: (1) des parents distants et inaccessibles: (2) I’entretien dans le climat familial d’une certaine stimulation sexuelle; (3) I’existence de secrets familiaux, concernant surtoul des liaisons extra-conjugales. Dans leur discussion, les auteurs suggerent que I’on commence g voir emerger, dans ces situations d’incestes entre germains. des modeles prCvisibles. qui pourraient peut-etre etre utiles au pronostic et B I’intervention thkrapeutique.
INTRODUCTION ONE OF THE MOST underreported, misunderstood areas of sexual abuse has always been that of sibling incest. Believed to be by far the most widespread form of incest [ll, sibling incest describes a sexual interaction between individuals who have one or both parents in common [2: 1771. The subject of sibling incest is sorely lacking in study, theory, and specific documentation. This may be due, in part, to a past tendency of professionals to group all intrafamily incest dynamics together, rather than delineating the more distinct characteristics of the different sexual couplings. Recent statistics indicate that the frequency of sibling reports to appropriate agencies is increasing. As such, the amount of available information with which to evaluate and compare the dynamics of involved families is more extensive than ever before and more subject to overview and analysis. This is a descriptive study without a comparison group. Generalization to the total population of abusive siblings will have to await further research.
METHODS The Boulder County (Colorado) Department of Social Services has had a specialized sexual abuse team for treating incest families since 1979. In 1983, 8% of the total number Reprint requests to Holly Smith. M.A.. 3400 Broadway. Boulder. CO 80302 101
Holly Smith with Edie Israel
102
of cases focused on famiiies where sibling sexual abuse occurred. The percentage increased to 13% in 1984 and in 1985 sibling incest situations accounted for 17% of the sexual abuse team’s caseload. Our study of 25 families began in May 1982 and concluded in December 1985. The number of families in the case study, we believe, is large enough to credibly validate our research. At the same time, given that these specific families have accessed our department from intake on through continued treatment, the numbers are small enough to suggest a thoroughness reflective on ongoing treatment over an extended time. Data
Gathering
The investigative intake process yields significant information with regard to each family’s history and their functioning capacity during a time of crisis. Information obtained at intake was: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12.
Nature and duration of sexual contact. Where sexual contact occurred. Who knew about the sibling sexual contact. Whom did victim tell. History of prior sexuaI abuse of either victim or perpetrator. Prior history of sexual abuse of parents. Possible sexual activity between parent and chiid. Significant role reassignment in family. Quality of marital relationship. Parenting responsibilities. Sexual boundaries in the home; restrictive or flexible. Ability of parents to protect children in future.
In all cases, the treatment provided by social services was either family. individual, couples or group treatment. Of note is that the quality and quantity of information obtained at the intake level was considerably supplemented in later treatment, especially with regard to social history and diagnostic assessment of the family. in all cases, the methods of obtaining information focused strictly on intake or therapeutic sessions. Subjects
Subjects were 25 families with cases open to the Boulder County Department of Social Services (DSS). Criteria for an open case with the department is as follows: (1) The family has residency in Boulder County; (2) allegations of sexual abuse have been investigated by DSS in conjunction with law enforcement; and 13) allegations of sexual abuse have been substantiated. The 25 families selected were those families who were assigned to and either treated or monitored by both authors over a 3.5-year period. Cases were assigned in random fashion. Cases were kept open for monitoring, and the average length of treatment provided was approximately 13 months. The oldest perpetrator was 20 years old; the youngest was 9. The oldest victim was 13 years old; the youngest was 3 years old. The average age of the sibling perpetrator was 13.2; the average age of the victims was 9. I years old. Of the perpetrators 20% were female and 80% male. Thirty-two percent assaulted a
Sibling incest
103
sibling of the same sex, including several instances of female perpetrators who sexually assaulted their sisters. Of the victims. 89% were female and 11% were male; 8% of the cases involved more than one victim within the family unit abused by the same perpetrator. With regard to the nature of sexual contact, 72% involved either fondling or oral/genital contact, and in 28% of the sibling incest cases the contact was in the form of intercourse. Of the families studied, 76% were 2-parent families, while 24% had only one parent present in the home; 56% were stepfamilies. All families were Caucasian with the exception of one family which was Spanish-American. The families were either lower class or middle class with the exception of two upper class families. The average age of the parents was 34.6 years old.
OBSERVATIONS Our study of the 25 families revealed three dynamics distinctive to the sibling incest family: (1) distant, inaccessible parents; (2) parental stimulation of sexual climate in the home; and (3) family secrets and extramarital affairs. Distant,
Inaccessible
Parents
Parental distance and inaccessibility in parents was separated into three distinct categories: (1) physical distance; (2) physical and emotional distance; and (3) physical presence with emotional distance. Physical distance relates most often to fathers who were not physically present. At the time of the sibling sexual contact, ,I2% of the fathers were deceased; 8% had abandoned their families shortly after the birth of their children; 16% of the men had diiorced their wives and maintained no contact with their families, much less their children. Emotional distance of a paternal nature often seemed to grow out of a physical distance from the family which, in most cases, was characterized by men with careers which served to divert attention away from family relationships and responsibility. The group of physically and emotionally distant fathers included 28% of the fathers. Emotional distance, in these cases, was often a result of physical distance and inconsistent parenting. Twenty-four percent of the fathers were characterized as physically present yet emotionally distant. These fathers provided a verbal account of the emotional distance as an overall disinterest in parenting, a failure to attach and bond to their children, and a feeling of being sabotaged by their wives’ relationships with their children. Others described their emotional distance as a result of an inability to empathize with their children’s needs. Some felt themselves so emotionally bereft that they had nothing to give to their children. Some fathers confessed to a total lack of understanding normal healthy child development, and remarked that they could in no way “relate to their children.” One father said, “I just don’t have anything in common with him. Frankly, I have no use for a 6 year old; maybe when he’s older. . .” With regard to the mothers’ physical distance, none were deceased, 16% had abandoned their families, and 8% were divorcees who maintained virtually no contact with their families. Of those mothers who were both physically and emotionally distant, one mother maintained an absorbing career which took her away from a primary parenting role, and 20% of the mothers found refuge in either drug addiction or alcoholism, mental illness, or repetitive pregnancy combined with periodic absences from the home environment.
104
Holly
Smith with Edie Israel
Twenty-eight percent of the mothers were physically present yet emotionally distant and, for many of the same role reasons, mirrored their male counterparts. More men (88%) than women (76%) characterized a composite of all types of distant, inaccessible parents. Parental Stimulation
of Sexual Climate in the Home
Forty-eight percent of the perpetrators had observed sexual activity between their parents or one parent and another party. ranging from fondling to intercourse. As an example, one sibling pair revealed that they used to hide in their parents’ closet to watch them make love. Fifty-two percent of the perpetrators were child victims of sexual abuse by either intrafamily or third party offenders. Thirty-two percent of the cases involved instances whereby father-daughter incest preceded a brother’s participation as perpetrator of abuse of the same victim. Pertaining to sexual messages (expressions) given by parents, 40% of the mothers qualified as “seductive” mothers, while 32% exuded rigid. puritanical sexual mores. The seductive mothers were openly flirtatious and provocative with their sons. Some enlisted their sons as confidants regarding their own sexual exploits. The seductive mothers were overly involved with their children’s physical development and sexual maturation and often exhibited a prurient interest in their sexual relationships with peers. The puritanical mothers had extremely devout religious backgrounds and discouraged sexual inquiries or sexual expression of any kind. Family Secrets and Extrawcwital Affciirs In the sibling incest families, 72% had mothers or fathers who had been sexually abused as children. The most provocative secret in the sibling incest families was the high incidence of .extramarital affairs. In 76% of the cases, extra-marital involvement was occurring. In the 20% of the cases where females were the perpetrators. there was a correlation. without exception, between the sex of the parent involved in the affair and the perpetrating sibling: all their mothers were involved in extramarital liaisons concurrent with the date of initial sibling contact.
DISCUSSION The dynamics of the brother-sister incest relationship have received far less attention than the father-daughter affair [3:269]. Assumptions abound. but a conspicuous lack of documentation has occurred despite the estimates that incest between siblings may be five times more common than paternal incest [4:80]. A review of the current literature in the area of sibling incest is scarce at best. Bank and Kahn are two of the few contemporary researchers to review various aspects of sibling sexual situations and relationships [5]. With the further exception of Loredo’s assessment [2] and brief discussions of sibling incest by Meiselman [3] and Mrazek [6], the current literature on sibling incest is lacking in study. theory. and specific documentation. Professionals have had the penchant for lumping all intrafamily incest dynamics together, rather than delineating the more distinct characteristics of the different sexual couplings.
Sibling
incest
105
A substantial increase in sibling cases within the last three years has encouraged us to attempt to qualify those prior assumptions and to focus on the dynamics that are distinctive to sibling incest families: distant, inaccessible parents: parental stimulation of sexual climate in the home; and the presence of family secrets with special emphasis on extramarital affairs. In the discussion of these dynamics any generalization to the population of abusive siblings is difficult as no controls were used in this descriptive study and the data were generated solely from case studies. Distant,
lnaccessibie
Parents
Our observations have shown us that, in families where sibling incest is occurring, a strong sense of parental leadership or parental role-modeling is often either ill-defined or nonexistent. Not all parents care about their children [2]. In its least vindictive regard, distant parenting may be viewed as a sign of the times, passed off as parental casualness and a loosening of the parental controls resulting in an “overall decrease in parental vigilance about every aspect of children’s lives, from the trivial to the life-threatening” [7:22]. When there is no one attentive enough or available enough to intervene, supervision becomes a key element; the lack of it “must not be taken too lightly since it is a common precursor of sibling incest” [4:81]. Meiselman concurs that a lack of effective restraining agents may allow ordinary playfulness to result in sexual relationships [3:263-2641. Sibling incest is an effect, not the cause, of family fragmentation. Many cases go far beyond a simple lack of restraining agents into pronounced parental distances which catalytically compel the sibling bond to attempt to make up for what is lacking in the parentchild bond. According to Bank and Kahn, incest is more likely to occur if there is parental neglect or abandonment, as brothers and sisters turn to each other for comfort, nurturante and identity, or as a means of expressing rage and hurt [5:195]. Parental
Sti~~lat~~n
of Sexual
Chute
in the Home
Despite a noted absence of parental presence in sibling incest homes, parents-whether by virtue of age, role fulfillment, or a symbolically domineering position-often continue to establish the boundaries, or lack of them, which govern their children’s behavior. Our observations strongly indicate that sibling incest families have dynamic differences between strictly parent-child incest families in that the boundaries of the former are often loose and inconsequential while those of the latter are more rigid and restrictive. Within the sibling incest family, individual motives are certainly in need of examination, but should be viewed in light of the family collective. As with father-daughter incest, Meiselman finds there are probably several personality types and family constellations that predispose brothers to incest [3:298]. But Justice states that sibling incest does not represent so much a certain type of personality on the part of the brother or sister as it does a certain set of conditions in the family and characteristics of the parents C&104]. One of those characteristics appearing in our study, that of a rigid and puritanical mother, would seem on the surface to veer away from the notion of a sexualized climate in the home. Our case studies point to the contrary and concur with Mrazek that through excessive repression, children’s interest in the forbidden may increase [6:104]. Excessive repression can stimulate rebellion and promiscuity between siblings and provide the impetus for the family’s children to sexualize their relationship. Also apparent and more predominant is that sexually suggestive parental actions can be overwhelming to an impressionable audience consisting of the family’s children. Of the siblings in our
106
Holly Smith with Edie Israel
study, 48% witnessed sexually provocative behavior on their parents’ part prior to reacting in imitative fashion. The stimulation and resultant confusion need not come merely from parents and other adults. Oversexualization may be a significant part of today’s society. Winn writes: Cultural influences encourage child sexuality, and children’s behavior has become. if only by imitation, more sexually provocative than in the past. . . The restraining influence of innocence has been effectively removed. What is more. the restraining power of the taboo is failing as the thought of incest as something monstrous and abnormal is slowly replaced by the realization that such feelings are not uncommon [7: 168-1691.
A loss of innocence is obvious in a typical sibling incest family home where the sexual boundaries are quite flimsy. In its most restrictive form, covert sexuality simmers below the surface, encouraged by provocative play, nudity, or teasing circumstances. In its least restrictive environment, sexual contact between siblings is stimulated by overt sexuality. This may appear through an exposure to pornography or sexually explicit material [2: 1831, sex talked about openly in obscene words, and parents who make little effort to prevent children from seeing them engage in marital or extramarital activity in the home [3:266]. A loss of innocence coupled with a desire-some could say a mandate-to imitate adult sexual behavior almost certainly can lead to a sexualized sibling reaction. De Young discusses two types of home environments which are reactive to parental stimulation of sexual climate in the home: (1) where children may become prematurely sexually stimulated, in the absence of firm parental supervision, to the point of sexual imitation; (2) where some other type of in&t, usually paternal, has preceded the sibling incest [4:84-U]. In our study of 25 sibling incest cases, 32% involved instances whereby father-daughter incest preceded a brother’s participation as perpetrator of abuse of the same victim. Activity of this type portrays the parental stimulation dynamic quite glaringly. Herman reports this in a case study where a daughter was molested by her brother as well as her father. The daughter felt that her father’s conduct had given her brother tacit permission to do the same [9:94]. To account for sexualized behavior among children within the family, an explanation unfolds more completely when we view their behavior as imitative, as stimulated, and as reactive to actions performed by adults. Family Secrets: Behind the Scenes and Beyond the Marriage When reviewing family secrets, we find that there do exist some crossover dynamics with those of the typical father-daughter incest family. the most notable being the incidence of prior sexual abuse. In our study, the intergenerational aspects of incest were strongly apparent; 72% of the sibling incest families had mothers or fathers who had themselves been sexually abused as children. Of special interest to our study of family secrets was the revealing of a dynamic that is a noted departure from current associations with parent-child incest. Specifically, we found the presence of extramarital affairs to be occurring in 76% of the cases in our sibling incest study. By significant contrast, father-daughter incest family members most often exist within a closed-door, intrafamily structure. Herman notes that those fathers are seldom womanizers [9: 11 I], and are often perceived as lacking the confidence to venture outside the home to meet sexual or emotional needs. The parents in the sibling incest home strike up an entirely different pose, and in the process develop a rather distinct dynamic that bears further examination.
Sibling incest
107
The existence of the furtive sexual liaison outside of the primary marital relationship is fast becoming one of the key indicators of the possible presence of sibling incest in the family. At times several aspects of this dynamic can combine to effect a sibling union, not the least of which is the notion of tacit approval. Witness the following: My
father
probably time.
was running were closest.
But (my brother)
around.
And
I
knew
it and my brother
We knew that was a thing we weren’t used to say things like. “It’s
knew
supposed
it, and that’s to know,
okay if we do it; look at Daddy:
when
my brother
and we talked
and 1
about it all the
1 mean he’s got a girlfriend”
[S: 1741.
Evident in the course of therapy with siblings involved in incest is the fact that parental infidelity can create an imminent sense of family disintegration. This foreboding feeling on the children’s part is exacerbated by an impending sense of isolation and abandonment imbued with fears that the marriage, and-thus the home, will dissolve. Parents, through outside liaisons, may be thought of as trying to compensate for whatever is missing, lacking. annoying or hurtful in the marriage [ 10: 1921, but the result can cause their children to become confused, frightened and reactive. In their interactions with their parents’ new companions and insights into the weaknesses of emotional relationships, children are pushed out of childhood into a precocious adult awareness of life [7: I3 I]. Siblings can find themselves pushed into a sexualization of their own bond in a union of desperation perhaps not unlike that of their involved parent. One young girl, who had been having sexual intercourse with her younger brother, described to us her emotive rationalization with regard to her parents and their respective lovers: They
were busy all the time going out on dates and stuff. We were always alone. and I started to think that they
were forgetting
about us. It made us feel better when we were together:
then we didn’t feel as lonely and scared.
In the midst of the parents’ affairs, the foundation for the incest dynamic became quite pronounced. The siblings colluded to be intimate and sexual with one another in an attempt to keep the system together or, better yet, to insure against being left completely and utterly alone should it collapse. An ironic result of siblings coupling, whether in an exploiting or nurturing, loving fashion, is that they soon find themselves compelled to contribute to the realm of family secrets. The cycle is vicious and repetitive; their secretive consignment often takes its place alongside an interwoven myriad of other family secrets.
SUMMARY AND IMPLICATIONS Our study reveals that both physical and emotional absence plays a significant role in intensifying the mutual dependency and sexual curiosity of brothers and sisters [5: 1661. In sibling incest families we observed both maternal (76%) and paternal (88%) absence of one type or another. In contrast, father-daughter incest families reveal fathers who are omnipresent in their daughters’ lives, though mothers’ absences can be profound. Our research strongly indicates that parental stimulation of the sexual climate in the home is a distinct dynamic in sibling incest families. Characteristic of this dynamic are either very liberal sexual attitudes in the home or excessive repression of the same and the possibilities of imitative behavior and tacit approval. The question of nonselective stimulation of the children’s sexuality (as a collective) is raised, versus the more specific and selective stimulation of the victim alone in the father-daughter incest family. Addi-
108
Holly Smith with Edie Israel
tionally, the boundaries in sibling incest homes are rather loose and inconsequential, while those of the father-daughter incest family are more rigid and restrictive. Perhaps the most distinctive dynamic to appear in our study was that of the preponderance of extramarital activity (76%) in the families whose children were involved in sibling incest. Rarely do we see a father in a paternal incest system venture outside of the home to meet sexual or emotional needs. Such fathers turn to their children instead, rationalizing that involvement in an extramarital affair would entail “cheating on one’s wife,” while involvement within the confines of the family unit is seen by them as more acceptable. In the sibling incest family system, parents’ participation in extramarital liaisons can effectively strengthen several dynamics in that the affair can create parental distance, stimulate the sexual climate in the home, and push siblings into a sexualization of their own bond. The presence of this family secret is becoming a key indicator of the potential occurrence of sibling incest, and through the unraveling of these secrets intake can be more productive and treatment more effective. Several suggestions and recommendations regarding assessment and treatment of sibling incest have emerged from this study. Clinicians need to take heed of Bank and Kahn’s statement: Siblings are more than just sexual understudies for parents. that while sexual relations between siblings have been studied, the distinctiveness of these, apart from incest in other family relationships. seems to vanish: and few investigators view them as a special case, generating special effects [5: 169).
There has been a tendency for clinicians to lump all incest dynamics together, asserting generalized assumptions regarding assessment and treatment of sibling incest. This study urges us to begin to view the different sexual couplings with a more discerning eye. Acknowledgment-The authors thank Christopher their undaunted support and guidance.
Corman. clinical supervisor,
and Douglas Pagels. editor. for
REFERENCES 1. FORWARD. S. Berruyol of Innocence: fncesr und Its Devasrurion. p. 85. Penguin. New York ( 1979). 2. LOREDO, C. M. Sibling incest. In: Hundbook of Clinical Intervention in Child Sexuul Abuse, S. M. Sgroi. (Ed.). Lexington Books, D. C. Heath, Lexington, MA (1982). 3. MEISELMAN. K. C. Incest: A Psychological Srudv of Cuuses und Effects uairh Treatment Recommendations. Jossey-Bass. San Francisco (1978). 4. De YOUNG. M. The Sexuul Victimization of Children. McFarland. Jefferson, NC (1982). 5. BANK, S. P. and KAHN, M. D. The Sibling Bond. Basic Books. New York (1982). 6. MRAZEK, P. B. The nature of incest: A review of contributing factors. In: Se.ytrtrl/y Ahfrsrd Children und Their Fumilies. P. B. Mrazek and C. H. Kempe (Eds.). Pergamon. Elmsford. NY (I981 ). 7. WINN. M. Children without Childhood. Pantheon. New York (1983). 8. JUSTICE. B. and JUSTICE, R. The Broken Tuboo. p. 104. Human Sciences Press, New York (1979). 9. HERMAN. J. L. Furher-Duughfer Incesr. Harvard University Press. Cambridge. MA (1981). IO. CUBER, J. F. Adultery: Reality versus stereotype. In: Exrrcrmurifcd Re1ution.s. G. Neubeck (Ed.), p. 192. Prentice-Hall, Englewood Cliffs, NJ ( 1969).