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The First Draft
Appendix 2
The First Draft The following simple, rough essay was written as a result of a challenge from some undergraduates who assured me that no one can write an answer to an essay question in 10–15 minutes. I limited myself to10 minutes. I chose a subject that I know something about, but we assume that you know much about your subjects. My answer is crude and far from perfect. It ends abruptly, and I can think of many things I could have used better than some points I did use. If I were writing a real paper on this subject, this draft would simply provide me a beginning. Read through the essay and then note the analysis that follows it. Rather than finding fault with this essay, look at what is good about it. I immediately go to a comparison/contrast and an enumeration approach. The “good and poor” and “points” in the initial question tell me to use these approaches, but notice that I also use definition and even imply cause–effect. Rather than waste time pondering all sorts of possibilities, I start with obvious general points that are important in a saddle (materials and workmanship). Later, I thought of a third important point (the job the saddle is designed to do). I work the third point in as best I can. In this rough draft, I will not worry about the point not being introduced, but in revision I will certainly add it to the two points in the first sentence. From my main points, I went to more specific examples, getting down to tangible pieces of a saddle (tree, rawhide, and stirrup leathers). Such elements of support are necessary in a good essay—always! Notice that my concluding remark would have been worthless without the support of the roping saddle. The essay contains good transitions at the beginnings of the second and third paragraphs, and the first sentence in each designates the topic for those paragraphs. Note also many things that require revision. Sentences lack variety in construction; verbs and other terminology are weak. Ideas need further development. Also, I need to determine whether my audience will understand the saddle jargon and define more terms if they need definition. Along the way, I shifted from third person to second person. That too should be revised, but we will not worry about it in a first draft. And I will need a better conclusion that
255
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The First Draft
reiterates all three of my main points; for example, “… is up to the job and is well crafted from quality materials.” Get a rough draft of your paper done with attention to organization and development, and then the real work can begin. Read through the first version of the essay, and then study the dissection of it that follows.
WHAT POINTS DISTINGUISH A GOOD WESTERN SADDLE FROM A POOR ONE? Materials and workmanship distinguish a good saddle from a bad one. A good saddle will be made on a quality tree with good leather. The saddle tree is the form on which the saddle is built. No saddle is stronger than the foundation. Rawhide covered wood and molded fiberglass are the strongest trees on the market today. Canvas-covered trees or those with rawhide bindings should be avoided. The leather should be thick and flexible, especially at points of strain (stirrup leathers, rigging, etc.). Thin leather that is heavily hand-tooled is weakened by the tooling. Decorative metal can also weaken leather. In addition to good materials, the saddle must be put together well. Note whether the leather on the seat is all one piece or is weakened by being sewed together. If possible, check to see how the rigging is attached and be sure that stirrup leathers are one solid piece laced around the tree rail and running the length of the fender. Even check to see where screws, nails, or weaker staples are used. If the workmanship and materials are satisfactory, buy the saddle on the basis of comfort and application to the job. An uncomfortable saddle is not a good one. Sit in it before you buy if you can. If you plan to rope from it, check the horn and swell carefully to see that they will fit that job. A good saddle is one that not only looks good, but is up to a job. (time)
WHAT POINTS DISTINGUISH A GOOD WESTERN SADDLE FROM A POOR ONE?
(enumeration) (comparison/contrast) Materials and workmanship distinguish a good saddle from a bad one. A (Point 1: topic sentence) good saddle will be made on a quality tree with good leather. The saddle tree is (definition) the form on which the saddle is built. No saddle is stronger than the foundation. (enumeration of examples) Rawhide covered wood and molded fiberglass are the strongest trees on the (contrast) market today. Canvas-covered trees or those with rawhide bindings should be (enumeration of details) avoided. The leather should be thick and flexible, especially at points of strain
Appendix 2
257
(Tangible examples) (contrast) (detail) (stirrup leathers, rigging, etc.). Thin leather that is heavily hand-tooled is (detail) weakened by the tooling. Decorative metal can also weaken leather. (transition) (Point 2: topic sentence) In addition to good materials, the saddle must be put together well. Note (example) (contrast) whether the leather on the seat is all one piece or is weakened by being sewed (example) together. If possible, check to see how the rigging is attached and be sure that (example) (tangible details) stirrup leathers are one solid piece laced around the tree rail and running the (tangible details/examples) length of the fender. Even check to see where screws, nails, or weaker staples are used. (transition) If the workmanship and materials are satisfactory, buy the saddle on the (Point 3: details) (contrast) basis of comfort and application to the job. An uncomfortable saddle is not a (example) good one. Sit in it before you buy if you can. If you plan to rope from it, check (details) the horn and swell carefully to see that they will fit that job. A good saddle is one (generalization) that not only looks good, but is up to a job. (time)
The First Draft The following simple, rough essay was written as a result of a challenge from some undergraduates who assured me that no one can write an answer to an essay question in 10–15 minutes. I limited myself to10 minutes. I chose a subject that I know something about, but we assume that you know much about your subjects. My answer is crude and far from perfect. It ends abruptly, and I can think of many things I could have used better than some points I did use. If I were writing a real paper on this subject, this draft would simply provide me a beginning. Read through the essay and then note the analysis that follows it. Rather than finding fault with this essay, look at what is good about it. I immediately go to a comparison/contrast and an enumeration approach. The “good and poor” and “points” in the initial question tell me to use these approaches, but notice that I also use definition and even imply cause–effect. Rather than waste time pondering all sorts of possibilities, I start with obvious general points that are important in a saddle (materials and workmanship). Later, I thought of a third important point (the job the saddle is designed to do). I work the third point in as best I can. In this rough draft, I will not worry about the point not being introduced, but in revision I will certainly add it to the two points in the first sentence. From my main points, I went to more specific examples, getting down to tangible pieces of a saddle (tree, rawhide, and stirrup leathers). Such elements of support are necessary in a good essay—always! Notice that my concluding remark would have been worthless without the support of the roping saddle. The essay contains good transitions at the beginnings of the second and third paragraphs, and the first sentence in each designates the topic for those paragraphs. Note also many things that require revision. Sentences lack variety in construction; verbs and other terminology are weak. Ideas need further development. Also, I need to determine whether my audience will understand the saddle jargon and define more terms if they need definition. Along the way, I shifted from third person to second person. That too should be revised, but we will not worry about it in a first draft. And I will need a better conclusion that
255
256
The First Draft
reiterates all three of my main points; for example, “… is up to the job and is well crafted from quality materials.” Get a rough draft of your paper done with attention to organization and development, and then the real work can begin. Read through the first version of the essay, and then study the dissection of it that follows.
WHAT POINTS DISTINGUISH A GOOD WESTERN SADDLE FROM A POOR ONE? Materials and workmanship distinguish a good saddle from a bad one. A good saddle will be made on a quality tree with good leather. The saddle tree is the form on which the saddle is built. No saddle is stronger than the foundation. Rawhide covered wood and molded fiberglass are the strongest trees on the market today. Canvas-covered trees or those with rawhide bindings should be avoided. The leather should be thick and flexible, especially at points of strain (stirrup leathers, rigging, etc.). Thin leather that is heavily hand-tooled is weakened by the tooling. Decorative metal can also weaken leather. In addition to good materials, the saddle must be put together well. Note whether the leather on the seat is all one piece or is weakened by being sewed together. If possible, check to see how the rigging is attached and be sure that stirrup leathers are one solid piece laced around the tree rail and running the length of the fender. Even check to see where screws, nails, or weaker staples are used. If the workmanship and materials are satisfactory, buy the saddle on the basis of comfort and application to the job. An uncomfortable saddle is not a good one. Sit in it before you buy if you can. If you plan to rope from it, check the horn and swell carefully to see that they will fit that job. A good saddle is one that not only looks good, but is up to a job. (time)
WHAT POINTS DISTINGUISH A GOOD WESTERN SADDLE FROM A POOR ONE?
(enumeration) (comparison/contrast) Materials and workmanship distinguish a good saddle from a bad one. A (Point 1: topic sentence) good saddle will be made on a quality tree with good leather. The saddle tree is (definition) the form on which the saddle is built. No saddle is stronger than the foundation. (enumeration of examples) Rawhide covered wood and molded fiberglass are the strongest trees on the (contrast) market today. Canvas-covered trees or those with rawhide bindings should be (enumeration of details) avoided. The leather should be thick and flexible, especially at points of strain
Appendix 2
257
(Tangible examples) (contrast) (detail) (stirrup leathers, rigging, etc.). Thin leather that is heavily hand-tooled is (detail) weakened by the tooling. Decorative metal can also weaken leather. (transition) (Point 2: topic sentence) In addition to good materials, the saddle must be put together well. Note (example) (contrast) whether the leather on the seat is all one piece or is weakened by being sewed (example) together. If possible, check to see how the rigging is attached and be sure that (example) (tangible details) stirrup leathers are one solid piece laced around the tree rail and running the (tangible details/examples) length of the fender. Even check to see where screws, nails, or weaker staples are used. (transition) If the workmanship and materials are satisfactory, buy the saddle on the (Point 3: details) (contrast) basis of comfort and application to the job. An uncomfortable saddle is not a (example) good one. Sit in it before you buy if you can. If you plan to rope from it, check (details) the horn and swell carefully to see that they will fit that job. A good saddle is one (generalization) that not only looks good, but is up to a job. (time)